The Painting
by SquirlK
Summary: Dawn sees something shocking in a gallery window. Winner for best original character 'Jake' at Eurydice's Love's Last Glimpse Awards! Now Complete!
1. The Painting

The Painting

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not even the pocket lint, had to hock it for Christmas.

Summary: Dawn sees something shocking in a gallery window.

Reviews: Need em like Christmas candy. Readers rock but reviewers RULE!!

A/N: This occurred to me while I was watching 'Eddie and the Cruisers 2, Eddie Lives'. A painter wanted to paint a portrait of a man the world believed was dead. In this AU Spike still dusted in Sunnyhell but didn't go to Angel. Angel got the amulet from Lindsey after Cordy had a vision. There is no Connor. Angel and co still work out of the Hyperion. Season five of Angel never occurs. This fic may go slowly as I'm not sure how I'll tie it all together, figure I'll just put the fingers on the keys and let it flow. Sorry this is so short, wanted to put the idea out there to see what everyone thinks. Love it? Hate it? Let me know. If the concept sucks I'll remove it and we'll never speak of it again.

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She passed the art gallery as she did most days; it was on her regular route home from school. Dawn Summers liked walking past the gallery her mother had worked in because it gave her a sense of home. In the six months since Sunnydale had collapsed into a crater, Dawn and Buffy had settled into their new place in LA. It wasn't far from where they'd lived before moving to Sunnydale. The gallery normally changed the display once a month. There were new paintings in the front window this time.

She paused to admire the new artwork. Her mouth dropped open in shock. The painting prominently displayed was a portrait. The subject was hauntingly familiar. She couldn't be sure but she thought that...no, it couldn't be. The painting showed a bedroom. A chair sitting to the forefront of the room had a black leather duster draped over it. Well-worn boots were lying carelessly on the floor in front of it as if the wearer had been in a hurry to kick them off. She could see a figure reclining on the bed sleeping. It was a man with his face turned mostly away from the painter. A bare hint of a profile could be seen. A scar could just be seen slicing through the dark eyebrow. His hair was medium brown with platinum tips, curls rioting over his head. A muscular arm was draped over his bare abdomen. A sheet covered him from the waist down. The room was painted as dimly lit with a small lamp shining softly on the sleeping form. The thing she found most curious was that the window of the bedroom had heavy curtains completely covering it. The title of the piece was printed on a card attached to the lower corner of the frame.

It read: 'Can We Rest Now?'

Dawn raced the rest of the way home. Buffy jumped when she slammed the door.

"Buffy, you have to come see this! I want to know if you think what I saw is what I thought I saw. Please Buffy you have to come with me." Dawn dropped her backpack on the floor and began pulling her sister out of the door.

"Dawnie, what's wrong?" Buffy followed the nearly hysterical teenager back up the street. After a few minutes they arrived in front of the gallery. Dawn shoved her sister in front of the window and waited for her response.

The petite blond gaped at the painting on display. She paled as she saw the title of the piece. Her mind flashed back to a church. Spike draped over a cross, smoke rising from his body as he asked that question. 'Can we rest now? Buffy? Can we rest?'

"Spike." The slayer whispered just before she fainted.

Buffy regained consciousness slowly. She seemed to be on an unfamiliar chaise. Opening her eyes, she saw her sister looking down at her worriedly.

"Buffy?" Dawn asked. "Are you okay?"

The petite blond nodded carefully. "Where are we?" She looked around.

"We're in the gallery. You fainted on the sidewalk out front." Dawn told her. Her blue eyes closed for a moment.

"That's Spike in the painting, isn't it?" The teenager asked her sister almost tearfully.

Buffy sat up. She shook her head. "I don't know. It looks like him. That's his coat. That's the way his hair was when he was in the school basement. We have to find out who painted it." She got up and looked around for someone who could work there.

A young man dashed forward as he saw Buffy sitting up. He had a cup of water in his hand. He held it out to her timidly.

"Are you all right, miss?" He asked.

She nodded. Her slayer abilities kicking in to revive her faster than a normal girl. Getting to her feet, she sipped some of the water and handed the cup back to the nervous young man.

"I need to find out who painted that portrait in the front window." She stated firmly.

"I'm Trevor. My manager is in the office. I can get him for you. But I need to know which painting. There are three you know." He said.

The sisters looked at each other. Actually they hadn't noticed any other paintings. They seemed to be in a back room, so they moved into the main section of the gallery toward the front window, hoping to get a look at the other paintings. Trevor followed them, hoping to be able to let his manager know which piece the young women were interested in. Moving into the window space, Buffy and Dawn looked more closely at the painting that had caught their attention. Dawn drifted over to a smaller painting on the right. She gasped.

"Buffy." She whispered. "Look." An achingly familiar figure was depicted in the smaller portrait. The man had his back to the painter but was looking over his leather-covered shoulder so he was in profile. A dark eyebrow was arched questioningly. He looked like a predator, a champion, a hero, their vampire. It looked hauntingly like the souled vampire who'd given up his existence to save the world. The piece was not titled like the larger one. Buffy's eyes sparkled with unshed tears as she gazed at the face of the man she'd loved and lost. He'd died believing that she didn't love him. She'd waited too long to tell him.

Dawn dragged her eyes away so she could move over and look at the third painting in the set. This painting was of the same bedroom as the larger one but the man was no longer lying in the bed. He was sitting in the chair with his profile to the painter. They were beginning to get the feeling that he was resistant to having his face painted. He was shirtless, wearing only black jeans and barefoot. He was holding a guitar, his head bent as he listened to the music he made. The leather duster was again draped over the chair. The worn boots were scattered on the floor a short distance away. There seemed to be an air of unutterable sadness in the posture of the man.

Buffy joined her sister in front of the third painting. Dawn pulled her gaze away from the figure in the chair to try to get more details from the rest of the painting. Her eyes widened. Her fingers clasped Buffy's arm.

"Oh my God. Buffy, look." She pointed with a shaking finger to the amulet lying on the bedside table. The same amulet that Spike had been wearing when he dusted.


	2. Questions

Questions

Disclaimer: Not mine, just like playing with them.

Summary: There are more questions than answers. Is it Spike?

Reviews: Wow the response to this story has been awesome. Thanks. Please read and enjoy. Tell me what you think. Readers rock but reviewers RULE!!!

A/N: Well, gotta tell you, my house could qualify for federal aid and the insane troll is threatening to destroy my trusty little laptop but here it is: chapter 2. Thanks for reading!

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Buffy dug her cell phone out of her pocket, handing it to Dawn. Not taking her eyes from the painting, she spoke. "Call Angel. Get him here as soon as he can."

Dawn nodded and placed the call. "Cordy, I need Angel. Right now, please." The teenager waited impatiently for the dark vampire to answer.

"Dawnie, what's up?" Angel asked.

She took a deep breath, not sure what to tell him. "We need you." Was all she could come up with.

"Is something wrong?" A worried note appeared in his voice.

"I don't know. We just need you to come here and… I don't know how to explain it." She stammered.

"Dawnie, calm down. Tell me where 'here' is. I'll come there." Angel picked up on the confusion in her voice. He wrote down the address as she stuttered it out. He assured her he would be there soon and hung up.

Buffy's green eyes were teary as she studied the portrait. She noticed the title of the smaller bedroom scene.

It read: Abandoned.

Her breath hitched painfully. Could it be Spike? Why? How?

A short balding man appeared in the periphery of Buffy's eyesight. He nervously approached the sisters staring at his latest display with mixed expressions of love, loss and hope.

"Hello? I'm Mr. Howard. How may I help you?" He asked the petite blonde, instinctively knowing she was the one to speak to.

Without taking her eyes from the piece in front of her, she nodded. "Tell me who painted these."

"I'm afraid the artist requested that we keep all information about these pieces confidential." He stated pompously. That got Buffy's attention.

The expression in her eyes chilled the officious little man. "The man in these paintings died six months ago. I want to know who painted them and I want to know now." Her low tone turned his veins to ice.

He shook in fear although he wasn't sure why. "I'm really very sorry, but I can't tell you." He stammered.

Dawn turned to look out of the window, noticing gratefully that the sun was beginning to go down. Angel's convertible screeched up to the curb. Wesley emerged from the passenger side as Angel got out of the driver's seat. They hurried into the gallery, scanning the interior for the threat to the slayer and her sister.

"Buffy." The tall vampire strode up to the petite blonde. Dawn launched herself into his arms in relief.

"What's wrong?" Wesley asked as he approached. Dawn pointed wordlessly at the paintings. She slid out of Angel's embrace as he got his first look at the canvases.

"Oh my God." He gasped. He moved from the larger portrait to the profile on the right, inhaling sharply as recognition slammed through him. Spike. His Childe. The memory of the day Spike died flooded his mind. The pain had torn through his chest, doubling him over. He'd been in a meeting with Gunn and Wesley, planning the second front that Buffy had requested when it hit. They had thought he was dying. Angel had known instantly what had happened. He'd sent his friends away and retreated into his room to grieve. Spike. The insufferable pain in the ass. The thorn in Angel's side. Angel's greatest regret. He was gone. For so long Angel had hated Spike. The feeling had been mutual. But they had been family.

He pulled his gaze away with difficulty. "Who painted these? They were done before…" He stopped and cleared his throat. "More than six months ago. They had to be."

Wesley had been studying the portrait on the left. He was able to look without the emotional response of the others. "Angel." The tone of his voice caught the vampire's attention.

"What is it Wes?" Angel went to stand beside his colleague.

The former Watcher pointed at the amulet draped over the bedside table. "These are more recent than that." He stated.

Angel's hand rose slowly. His fingers traced the contour of the amulet.

"I must ask you not to touch the artwork." Mr. Howard ventured timidly.

Angel turned suddenly amber eyes to the officious little man, causing him to back away nervously. "How much?" The vampire snarled.

"Um? Excuse me?" The gallery manager stammered.

"I'm buying them. How much?" Angel's cold eyes pinned the annoying little human.

"I'm afraid they're not for sale." Mr. Howard squeaked as the tall dark-haired man advanced with unnatural speed. Wesley put a calming hand on Angel's arm.

The Englishman moved to intervene. "I'm afraid we didn't ask if they were for sale. I believe Mr. Angel told you he was going to buy them. It was not an offer. We will be purchasing these pieces. Now, give us a price." The low tone Wesley used was more intimidating than any snarl could ever be. Buffy was surprised. This was not the same man who'd been her watcher for so short a time. This man was… well… scary.

Silence reigned in the gallery. Wesley's cold blue eyes held the frightened gaze of the manager. Mr. Howard dropped his eyes. "I'll have to contact the artist and see how much to charge for them."

Wes nodded. "Do that. We'll wait."

While they waited, Angel continued to inspect the paintings. He noted the title of the smaller bedroom piece. What could that mean? He mused. 'Abandoned'. They wouldn't abandon Spike. The posture of the figure in the chair disturbed Angel the most. The curve of the bare back screamed sadness and defeat. Never in the one hundred plus years since Spike was turned had he ever shown defeat. He noticed the curtain completely covering the window. It was a sure indication that the man was a vampire. Angel's brown gaze scanned the profile portrait, the only one that was untitled. The arch of the dark brow was so very familiar.

The medium brown curls ending in the platinum tips surprised Angel. It wasn't like his Childe to let his hair grow long enough for his curls to run rampant. His curly hair had been the bane of his existence. The dark blue of the revealed eye was the exact color of Spike's sapphire gaze.

Buffy moved over to stand next to Angel. She was more nervous than she'd ever been in her entire life. Could it be? Could Spike really be alive? Well not alive, but back among the undead? Where was he and why hadn't he come back to her? Part of her didn't want to believe he would be in this world and not seek her out. Her frightened green eyes sought answers in Angel's comforting brown gaze.

"I don't know Buffy." He murmured, answering the questions he could see in the green depths. "I don't know how or why. But it seems that he's out there somewhere. I felt him die. He was gone. I wish I knew what this means."

Wesley moved back over in front of the portraits. "We'll figure this out. I promise." He swore quietly.

Dawn retreated to a chair and sat down. She wrapped her arms around herself. Spike was back. Her mind drifted back to the summer Buffy had been gone. He'd taken care of her, protecting her and making sure she was provided for. She had regretted not making peace with him before the big battle that had ended his existence. Buffy had placed a box of his possessions on the bus so they wouldn't be lost to him afterwards but he'd never made it out to claim them. The sisters had left the box in the corner of a closet shelf, too deeply in mourning to face going through it.

The gallery manager scurried back to the small group waiting for him. He was terrified. How as he going to tell them? He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and mopped his sweating brow. Angel growled softly as he scented the little man's fear. Wesley placed a calming hand on his friend.

Wes moved forward to intercept the annoying manager. "Well?"

Mr. Howard was shaking violently. "I'm really very sorry but the portraits aren't for sale. I told the artist you were very determined to own them but the answer was the same. Not for sale." He backed up at the fury flashing in the eyes of the taller dark man.

Wesley pulled a checkbook out of his pocket. Quickly writing out a check, he tore it out. He showed it to Mr. Howard before folding it and sticking it in his shirt pocket. Patting the odious little man's chest over the pocket where the check now resided, the Englishman leaned close. "I believe the amount is sufficient. We will take the paintings with us."

Mr. Howard watched in shock as the four of them released the portraits from their easels and carried them out to the car. How was he going to explain this? He'd thought the individual who'd brought him the paintings had been frightening but not compared to the tall dark man and the one with the English accent. They had made the blood run cold in his veins.

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The man lounging on the sofa looked up as his housemate returned from answering the phone. "Who was that?" The question was tinged with a refined British accent.

"No one important." The answer was accepted without further question as the dark blue gaze returned to the television flickering in the dimly lit living room.


	3. Nightmares

Nightmares

Disclaimer: I got 'Storm Front' on audio book for Christmas but other than that, no closer to owning anything Spike-like. (It's an awesome book btw.)

Summary: Restless sleep and bad dreams all around. Mystical perhaps?

Reviews: Please. Reviews inspire the muse. Thanks! Readers rock but reviewers RULE!!

A/N: I totally love all the reviews this fic is getting. Y'all are so awesome! Little Illy: Thank you. Your comments are greatly appreciated. Just gotta tell you, it's a mystical thing. All will be made known. ;-) This fic seems to want to stop on short chapters, guess that's going to be the way of it.

I have been called 'rude', 'fiendish' and 'naughty'. (Blush) Y'all say the sweetest things.

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Buffy tossed and turned in her bed. Sleep was being more elusive than normal. She had gotten used to interrupted sleep in the last six months. They had moved to an apartment with a split floor plan so that Buffy's disturbed sleep would not keep Dawn awake. She pounded her pillow in frustration, knowing that the instant she closed her eyes again she would see him. Her hand tingled where the flames had engulfed it.

"I love you."

"No, you don't. But thanks for saying it."

The words echoed through her mind. She'd finally told him she loved him and he hadn't believed her. Part of her wanted to think that he'd only said that because he was trying to get her to leave him, but another part knew that he wouldn't lie to her.

"See you Saturday night."

"What's Saturday night?"

"I kill you."

She smiled a little as their first meeting drifted through her thoughts. He'd never been able to kill her. But then, she admitted to herself, she'd never been able to kill him either. She thought he'd always be there. Annoying her, fighting with her, beside her and just being the infuriating pain in the ass she fell in love with. It had taken her so long to realize that what she felt for him was love. She'd tried comparing her feelings for Spike against the feelings she'd had for Angel but couldn't. Her love for Angel had been first love, sweet and innocent. Her love for Spike had been an adult love, all passion and fire. It had taken her so long to understand that she loved him even before he'd gotten the soul. Then it was too late and he was gone. The shock of seeing him in the paintings had been almost more than she could take. Angel had taken the paintings to his hotel. She and Dawn were going there tomorrow to look at them again and see if there was more they could tell from them.

She drifted into a restless sleep hoping that the next day would bring some answers.

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Dawn laid in her bed wide-eyed. Her system was still in overload from the startling discovery of the paintings. Her heart pounded with the hope that Spike was indeed out there somewhere. But then again, her brain argued with her heart, if he was out there why didn't he come back to them? It wasn't as if they were hiding.

After the collapse of Sunnydale, Giles had driven the bus here to Los Angeles. They had taken refuge in the hotel with Angel and his crew. Principle Wood had spent several days in the hospital but had survived quite well. All of the new slayers that had gotten injured had healed quickly thanks to their newly bestowed slayer abilities.

They spent a couple of weeks recovering but soon after that people began leaving. Giles had decided to return to England to reform the Watchers Council. As the only surviving member, aside from Wesley who'd also been fired, he inherited the entire assets of the original council. The older man had immediately put Buffy on retainer as senior slayer and paid her a fairly generous salary for training the new slayers in whichever part of the world she decided to live in.

Buffy and Dawn had stayed in England with Giles for a couple of months before going on to Rome. But both girls had been homesick for California so after only a month they'd moved back to the sunshine state. Angel had helped them find an apartment close to the old neighborhood so Dawn could attend the school system she'd been in before the move to the Hell Mouth. They all realized that the memories were not real but it didn't make them any less important to the teenager. She wanted familiar surroundings. Her best friend had been taken away from her and she needed to be near where she'd seen him last.

Dawn had been astounded by the level of compassion that Angel had shown for her grief. She had been under the impression that Angel hated Spike. It was true to an extent but, as Angel explained it, Spike had been family. Both Summers girls had been shocked by the grief Angel had displayed. Buffy told Dawn later that Angel had felt Spike die. Because the death was mystical and had been so painful to the blond vampire, the Sire had felt it. Buffy nor Dawn had ever bought into the story that Drusilla had Sired Spike. Xander had told them of the night they'd all fought Spike for the first time. How Spike had expressed his disgust over Angel's affliction of his soul.

"You think you can fool me? You were my Sire, man. You were my… Yoda." Had been Spike's words.

Dawn had come to understand as she got older that in order for there to be so much hatred between the two vampires there first had to have been deep caring. So, in his own way, Angel had become important to Dawn. His connection to Spike had been the initial reason but as the weeks passed, Dawn had come to appreciate the elder vampire in his own right. Unfortunately, he would never replace Spike in her heart.

Dawn turned over in her bed, tired and in desperate need of sleep but unable to keep her eyes closed. Finally, after hours of restlessness, she drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

_Dawn found herself in an unfamiliar place. She could not discern exactly where she was. Frantically looking around, she saw a man standing in the shadows near a wall. She started toward him but slammed up against an invisible shield. He moved into a patch of light. Happiness suffused her as she recognized him. Spike. She pounded on the partition but he turned away from her._

"_Sorry, Bit. Can't stay. I've been abandoned. Have to make my own way. It's getting late." His voice faded as he moved back into the shadows away from her_.

"Spike!" The sound of her own cry woke the teenager. Tears coursed down her face as the nightmare lurked in her mind. She pulled her blanket further up on her shoulder and resigned herself to a sleepless night.

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Angel sat in the lobby of the Hyperion gazing at the trio of paintings they had purchased. Wesley had surprised him with his swift action in acquiring the canvases. The dark vampire inspected the largest of the pieces. The duster hanging on the chair and the scuffed boots were classic Spike. They were as much a part of him as his black jeans and his smirk.

He noticed the time, how late it was getting. The girls would be over in the morning. He wearily trudged up the winding stairs and made his way to his room. He undressed with uncharacteristic sloppiness, leaving his clothing scattered on the floor. Crawling into his bed, he forced his fatigued body to relax. Sleep was slow in coming.

_The pain hit first, then the burning. He could feel it. He'd been over a hundred miles away but he had felt it. His Childe was burning up from the inside. It wasn't a quick dusting. It was slow. Incinerating the ubervamps while eating away at the slim body of the blond vampire. The guilt that plagued Angel every day for the past six months chased him every night in his dreams. He should have been the one wearing the amulet. He was the champion of the Powers That Be. Instead, he'd listened to Buffy and returned to LA. Angel had an uncomfortable feeling that if he'd been wearing the amulet the end result would have been very different. _

_A cold feeling swept over the master vampire. He heard it again. That voice. The one he'd heard whisper in his ear that bad day six months ago. "Thanks for letting me die, Sire." _

Angel woke up with a shudder.

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"_I love you."_

"_No, you don't. But thanks for saying it."_

He sat straight up in his bed. The sheets were rumpled and twisted from his nightmare. He raised a shaking hand, stared at it for a few seconds expecting to see flames and then scrubbed it across his face trying to banish the visions from his mind. Happy that, for once, he woke up before the worst of the pain began. Inhaling deeply, he settled back down on the pillow and closed his dark blue eyes. He didn't know why he had these nightmares. He just wanted them to stop. The female voice he heard in his dreams every night made him feel unsettled. He felt he should know that voice. A sigh echoed through the bedroom as he drifted back to sleep, praying to whoever may be listening that the nightmares would not return. They ignored him.


	4. Revelations

Revelations

Disclaimer: I own Jake but no one else.

Summary: Just a little bit about the artist and his subject.

Reviews: Yes please. Let me know what you think, even if you don't like it. Readers rock but Reviewers RULE!!!

A/N: I know this is woefully short. I had more but decided to put it in a separate chapter because… well… I'm just mean. Ask anyone. They'll tell you. I am. Okay, okay, I decided not to include it because it wasn't working and these two beautiful men wanted it to end here.

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Jake stood in the doorway of the former guest bedroom, now the room of his semi-permanent housemate. He leaned his lanky form against the doorframe. Running a hand through his tobacco brown hair wearily, he gazed at his guest with tired gray eyes. He'd heard the nightmares again last night. They seemed to be a nightly occurrence now. It hadn't been so bad the first few weeks but as time flowed by, the more violent the nocturnal interruptions became. Moving away from the door before the other man could stir, Jake went into the kitchen to make coffee. That done, he wandered into the spare room he used as a studio. The half-finished painting on the easel beckoned and the young man moved over to study it. As an artist, Jake appreciated the lean features and high cheekbones of the soul weary man he'd taken in. Not that he'd had much choice in the matter. But Jake was just a little frustrated by his new friend's unwillingness to have his full face depicted on canvas.

The coffee maker beeped and he moved back to the kitchen to pour himself a large cup of the potent caffeine. With the ease of several months of practice, he opened the refrigerator and removed a bag of animal blood, opened it and dumped the contents into an empty mug. It had been quite a shock to Jake's psyche to discover that vampires actually existed. His guest had begun wasting away despite putting away copious amounts of food. It had been when Jake had accidentally sliced his finger open while preparing dinner that the other man's true nature had been revealed. The rich red blood welling from the small cut had caused the mysterious guest to morph into what Jake had found out to be vampire features. They had both been stunned and more than a little frightened. The blond had puzzled over the problem of how to obtain the required blood before a lost memory had surfaced. The next day Jake had visited the butcher and arranged to purchase animal blood on a regular basis. Jake had arranged to pay the greedy merchant enough to ensure he didn't tell anyone about the unusual purchases.

Jake shook himself from his musing and shoved the mug into the microwave to heat. Contrary everything Jake had ever read about vampires, his guest had never attacked him. He was quiet for the most part, he got quite vocal if he missed Passions. He slept at night and roamed the house restlessly during the day. Well, most of the night. He generally went to bed around two or three in the morning and slept until noon. Jake supposed it was hard for a creature of the night to adapt to human timetables. What Jake found most perplexing was that his guest showed absolutely no inclination to leave the house. Since his arrival, he hadn't left. Not once. He wasn't showing any signs of wanting to leave either. Not that Jake minded, it's just that he couldn't figure out why anyone would make himself a virtual prisoner.

Jake smiled a little as he remembered how they'd discovered his houseguest's name. He'd been making dinner and had needed something that was directly behind the vampire.

_Pointing to the counter, he'd begun a request: "Will…you…?" It had been hesitant because of the reaction on the pale face following the word 'will'. Wide frightened eyes had held his for long seconds. _

"_I think that's my name." He'd blurted._

"_What's your name?" Jake had been confused. _

"_Will. I think my name is Will." He'd stammered. Jake had nodded. 'Will' it was then._

A noisy yawn attracted Jake's attention. Glancing over he saw Will leaning against the doorway lazily running a hand through his unruly curls. His sapphire eyes were still half closed.

"Smelled breakfast." He hesitated. "And the coffee." His refined British accent had startled Jake the first time he'd heard it. He hadn't known what to expect but it hadn't been that. The microwave beeped and Jake pulled the mug out and set it on the table. The Brit sat down and sipped the red liquid with a sigh. "Thanks, Mate. You do realize that I'm quite capable of preparing my own blood. Right?"

Jake gave a small smile. "Right. It's just that I'm always in here first and it's no problem. I don't mind. It doesn't even wig me out anymore."

Slender fingers tightened on the mug handle. That phrase resounded through his already aching head. 'wig me out'. Why did it make him feel… lost?

Jake noticed the whitened knuckles. "Bad night?" He asked.

A nod. "Wish I knew why. It's getting worse. The fire. The light. Burning pain. I was dust and I don't know why I'm not any more. I was at peace. I was warm, loved. I knew that everyone I cared about was safe." He stopped abruptly. Those words. He'd said them before but this time he seemed to be hearing them differently. The same female voice that haunted his nightmares was repeating those same words with him. His voice dropped to a whisper. "I think I was in heaven."


	5. Coincidence?

Coincidence?

Disclaimer: Well, what can I say that I haven't already said? Makes no difference, I still don't own anything.

Summary: Searching for answers.

Reviews: Again, what can I say? You guys have all been so awesome. The response to this fic has been overwhelming. So yes, please. Keep feeding the muse. Readers rock but Reviewers RULE!!

Ms. Selly: You silver-tongued sweet-talker you. No one as said anything so nice to me in ages. You made my day. Thank you. (And I worked so hard to hide my true identity.) ;-) Snickerdoodle Pox? Okay, hope you realize that now I really, really want to know.

A/N: There aren't really any notes for this one. So just read it and let me know what you think. Thanks.

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Angel woke with a start as Cordelia's patented shriek echoed throughout the hotel.

"Angel! Get your undead ass down here!" Her shrill voice sliced through the vampire's aching brain. Lying quietly for a moment, Angel tried to summon enough energy leave the comfortable mattress and face his friends. His enhanced senses told him without a doubt that everyone was in attendance. Gunn, Fred, Wesley and, of course, Cordelia were all downstairs in the lobby. With a weary groan, he tried to recall the last time he got a full night's (or day's for that matter) sleep. Rolling off the bed, he grabbed for his pants. Sliding a shirt on, he ran a careless hand through his hair. He knew his appearance did not come close to the standard everyone knew he liked to keep but at this point he really didn't care.

Downstairs, he ignored the shocked expressions at his appearance. Lumbering to a stop in front of Cordy, he scrubbed a hand down his haggard face.

"What is the problem?" He asked, too tired to even glare.

The Seer waved a well-manicured hand toward the paintings. "What are these portraits of Spike doing here? I thought he was gone. Don't even tell me that homicidal maniac is back. Jeeze, doesn't anyone stay dead when you kill them?" She still held a grudge from several years ago when Spike had paid a bloody visit searching for a ring.

"We bought them yesterday. Dawn saw them in a gallery. We have to find out who painted them and why. It's important to Dawn and Buffy." Angel explained. He moved into the kitchen and fixed himself a mug of blood for breakfast. He sighed as he noticed the coffee maker was empty. While his blood heated in the microwave, he started another pot of coffee. It was the one human beverage he felt the need to consume.

Cordy started to follow, her mouth open to ask more questions but Wesley put a hand on her arm. She glared at him but he just shook his head.

"Leave it." He requested quietly. "You know how much Spike's death affected Angel. The possibility that his Childe could be back is proving difficult for him to process." The former Watcher's blue eyes held Cordy's brown ones, silently asking her to leave their friend alone.

Cordelia looked over at her vampire and noticed again how tired he looked. She sighed. "Okay, what say you and me start the research? I'll hit the computer and you get the books. I guess we're looking for resurrections and any information we can find on that ugly necklace."

The coffee had barely finished brewing when the Summers sisters barreled through the double doors of the old hotel. They were anxious for another look at the portraits that had ruined their sleep. Dawn made a beeline for the profile portrait. It bothered her that it was unnamed. She couldn't bring herself to look at the one with the guitar. That word haunted her, reminding her of the nightmare. 'I've been abandoned.' How? She wondered. He had been gone. Dust. Hadn't he? A shiver ran through her thin body at the thought that maybe they'd left the crater a little too soon.

Buffy went into the office where Angel was sipping his steaming cup of coffee. He glanced up from his book as she entered. "Morning, Buffy." He greeted her morosely.

She plopped down into the chair in front of his desk and studied him with steady green eyes. "You too, huh?"

"Me too what?" The dark vampire asked.

"You didn't sleep much either. I kept thinking about Spike. He was gone. I'd almost gotten used to it and now…" The blonde trailed off with a feeble wave of her hand.

"No, I didn't sleep well either." It was all he was going to admit to. He'd never told anyone about the voice he'd heard whisper in his ear as he'd been doubled over with pain. The same pain his Childe had been suffering as he'd died. No one knew about the nightmares and the echo of the whisper that he heard nightly. The thought sent a shudder through his large frame. Gathering the shreds of his composure around him, he stood up. Taking his coffee cup with him, he motioned toward the door. "Let's take another look at them."

Buffy and Angel joined Dawn, Gunn and Fred in front of the trio of canvases prominently displayed in the lobby.

Gunn studied the portraits curiously. "So, that's Spike? Looks like a smart ass. He died saving the world? I guess that makes him okay then." He wandered into the kitchen for a cup of coffee.

Fred looped her arm around Dawn's waist. "How are you, Sweetie?" She asked the teenager with concern. She liked the teenager and they had become friends in the past two and a half months.

Dawn shrugged her shoulders. "Okay I guess. I mean, he was my best friend and he died. He thought I was still mad at him. I miss him so much. If he's back why didn't he find us?" A tear slid down her cheek as she gazed at the profile of her departed friend.

"We'll figure it out, just you see. You have the best here. They won't stop til they find him." Fred tried to comfort Dawn with a little pep talk.

Buffy planted herself in front of the larger canvas. She inspected it closely, hoping for something, anything that would give them a clue to Spike's whereabouts. She noticed a detail that had escaped her attention yesterday. The amulet wasn't on the bedside table. She stepped nearer to the painting, searching for the trinket. It wasn't there.

Angel saw her perusal of the painting. "Buffy? It there something?" His voice was deliberately bland, devoid of any shred of hope.

She stepped back, moving over to give the smaller bedroom scene the same inspection. The amulet was the only major difference. "I don't know what it means. But the amulet isn't in the big painting."

The dark vampire moved over to see for himself. "You're right." They took a few steps back so they could look at the portraits together. There were indeed subtle differences in the scenes. The most obvious was the amulet. Spike's hair was different in the smaller portrait, the roots longer and the platinum tips a little shorter than in the larger scene. There was more platinum than medium brown in the larger portrait although his curls were already running rampant over his head. It reminded Buffy forcefully of the day she'd discovered a not-quite-sane Spike in the high school basement. Obviously the larger portrait was the first of the series. The profile seemed to be the second one and the smaller bedroom scene, the third.

Dawn checked the bottom of the canvases to try and find an artist's signature. She gave a little gasp of triumph. There it was. 'Jake W.' She groaned as she realized there wasn't a last name only an initial.

"What is it, Dawnie?" Buffy asked, frowning with concern.

"He didn't put his last name. What kind of artist doesn't put his full name on his work? I mean, doesn't he want to be recognized for his talent? How are we supposed to find him if he doesn't sigh his full name?" She huffed in frustration.

Wesley glanced up from the ancient book he was studying. He'd found a text entitled 'Amulets and Other Magical Talismans'. He held a hope that he'd find the amulet listed in its many pages.

"I am planning on paying the gallery manager a visit this afternoon. I'm going to find out what the artist's name is." He spoke as if the manager would just hand over the information. One look into Wes's icy blue eyes convinced everyone that he would succeed.

Cordelia sat at the computer. The screen glowing softly as she searched the Internet for clues to the amulet, the paintings, anything that would make their investigation easier.

"Hey, Guys?" She waited until she had their attention. "Did you know that they sent an investigative team to the crater?"

"Who did, Cordy?" Buffy looked puzzled.

"Why, the U.S. Geological Survey, of course. They sent a team down to investigate the 'earthquake'." She chuckled. "They didn't find anything. It was put down as a freak of nature." She shrugged and moved on to the next search. Blithely missing the list of surveyors' names. The top of which listed Jason A. Wilson as the lead investigator.


	6. Contradictions

Contradictions

Disclaimer: I want to own them all but for now just Jake is mine.

Summary: The reaction.

Reviews: Yes, PLEASE. I need them more than air. Thanks to all who have reviewed so far. Readers rock but Reviewers RULE!!

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Jake was finishing the last of the dinner dishes when he heard the guitar. It had been his but he'd never played it much. Two weeks after Will had arrived, the blond had found it propped in the corner of the studio. It had taken him a few days to adapt to the instrument, as he was left-handed, but had quickly taught himself to play.

At first, Jake had gotten used to hearing rock and roll being pounded out on the expensive guitar but then the music had become progressively sadder. It was as if not knowing who he was and how he came to be the way he was had taken a toll on his exuberance.

For the first two months of the four total Will had been there, he'd shown a natural cheerfulness and unlimited sense of humor broken only occasionally by bouts of depressed silence. After the first time Will had confessed to his feeling that he'd been in Heaven the sadness had become increasingly apparent until the cheerfulness had all but disappeared. Jake knew Will was a very unusual vampire. He'd done computer searches to find ways to protect himself should it become necessary. Will followed none of the normal behavior patterns described by the few websites he'd found.

The nearly finished painting beckoned. Jake sauntered into the studio and idly picked up his pallet. He wanted to finish this one and at least one other before he had to return to work. He'd already decided the name for this piece. It was titled 'Contradiction.' This portrait depicted Will, again in profile, sitting quietly in the living room in front of the lit fireplace. Slouching in the overstuffed armchair, head propped onto one fist. One foot was propped up on the opposite knee. A book rested in his lap, large and bulky, his free hand held it at an angle so that it's title was displayed on the front of the leather binding. Shakespeare. A vampire who read Shakespeare. It boggled Jake's mind. He knew it would be a waste of time to ask any questions. There were no answers. He decided to do another computer search as soon as he was finished with this painting session.

While he painted, he thought back over the last few months. In his job for the United States Geological Survey, Jake had been sent to the site of an earthquake no one had predicted or expected. It had been an unusually localized quake, raising questions throughout the agency.

Jake had spent over a month sifting through the rubble of the crater. Even after he'd filed a report stating he couldn't find the reason for the destruction of the town, he'd gone back and explored further. The mystery had fascinated him. He'd been poking around for another month when he'd found an amulet just lying there on top of the ground, dead center of the crater. He picked it up and put it in his pocket, promptly forgetting it.

Emptying his jacket at the end of the day, he'd found it again. He turned it over to examine it and had been startled when it began to emit a strong light and had heated up. It had almost burned his hand before he'd gotten enough sense to drop it. Ashes had swirled up from the center of the fallen trinket. A man had materialized from the ashes, a howl of pain erupting from him as he coalesced. The ashes danced and whirled around in a tornado effect as the form appeared before Jake's stunned eyes. A skeleton formed. Slowly muscle covered the bare bones. Pale skin smoothed itself over the muscular structure and finally clothing took its place on the body. Platinum hair, shockingly pale against the black leather duster and wide blue eyes were among Jake's first impressions of the most unbelievable thing he'd ever witnessed. The unexpected arrival had collapsed onto the floor and didn't wake up for more than twenty-four hours. The man had been breathing so Jake hadn't noticed the lack of heartbeat.

The phone interrupted Jake's reminiscing. He absent-mindedly picked it up, straightening in shock as the words sank in. His angry yelling brought Will running in from his room to find out what the problem was.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SOLD MY PAINTINGS?" Jake's furious shout stopped Will in his tracks in horror.

'Sold the paintings?' Will mouthed in shock. 'Who bought them? Why would the gallery deliberately defy Jake and sell the portraits?' He wondered to himself.

"He did what? And you just let him? And he paid how much? What do you mean 'yellow eyes'? They said…? Oh my God." Jake's gray gaze suddenly met Will's blue one. "Never mind. Hold the check, I'll come in and pick it up. No, I seriously doubt I'll trust you will any more of my work."

He listened for a moment. "He said his name was what? Angel? What kind of name is that for a…oh, forget it."

Jake's attention was caught by Will's suddenly paler than normal face. "I'll call you later. What? Angry? Why on earth would I be angry? OF COURSE I'M PISSED! YOU MORON! I TOLD YOU NOT TO SELL THEM. Fine! Bye." He slammed the phone down, happy he didn't have Will's strength.

He watched as his vampire housemate slumped onto the sofa. "Will? What's the matter?"

Haunted sapphire eyes looked everywhere but at Jake. "I don't know. I feel I should know that name. But I don't want to."

Jake sat on the coffee table in front of Will. He wondered for a moment how he was going to impart his information. The implications were mind blowing. He decided to just tell him and deal with the consequences. "Will."

The vampire directed his gaze to his host. "Yes?"

Jake cleared his throat. "The people who bought the portrait… They said they knew you."

The news jolted Will. For a moment he was speechless. "They said…"

"That you had died six months ago. And that's not the only thing." He paused, hoping they could figure all this out. He liked Will, enjoyed having him as a housemate, but not having any memory of who you were and who might be out there missing you had to be hell. "One of them was a vampire."

A light dawned. Will shook. "A vampire named Angel." He whispered. Flashes of memory assaulted his mind; blood, pain, screams of victims and laughter, an Irish lilt. Just as suddenly, the flashes stopped. The echoes pounded through his head. He pressed his hands to his temples and groaned in agony.

Jake sat there stunned. "Will? Will! What's wrong? Come on Buddy talk to me. Tell me what's going on." He gripped Will's upper arms as the vampire's shaking increased in intensity.

Will's entire body was wracked with violent tremors. Another growl of pain hissed through clenched teeth. Will's eyes squeezed shut, his hands clenched his head as the waves of pain pounded him. Jake wrapped his arms around the stricken vampire attempting to ease the trembling. Will's slender form shuddered violently. He inhaled deep unneeded breaths as he tried to control the pain. He lost the battle, slumping forward into Jake as he lost consciousness.

In Will's bedroom, on the bedside table, unseen by the two men. The amulet began to glow.


	7. Connections

Connections

Disclaimer: Now I own two of them! Go me. All others still belong to Joss.

Summary: Trying to find out how everything is connected.

Reviews: You know, I gotta be honest. The reviews for the last two chapters were a little disappointing. As were the chapters themselves, I'm sure. Not that that's gonna stop me from writing this fic but it does make the muse a little fickle. And thank you very much to those who did take the time. So come on guys, you know I love you. If it's good, say so, if it's that bad, suggest fixes. Please, just let me know what you're thinking. (OMG, did that come out as needy as I think it did?) As always Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!!

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Jake eased the unconscious vampire onto the sofa, stretching his legs out and placing a pillow under his head. He ran his fingers through his straight hair. His hand shook as it drifted down the side of his face. Will was physically stronger than anyone else Jake knew and for him to be affected this way was frightening. Clenching his hands together, he tapped them against his mouth.

'Think!' He told himself as he paced back and forth in agitation. A low moan from the sofa caught his attention. He knelt next to Will.

"Will?" He could see his friend trying to regain consciousness. The thick dark eyelashes were fluttering, showing glimpses of sapphire blue. "Come on Buddy, wake up. I need to know what happened here. You're scaring me. Will! Wake up." He pleaded.

Will groaned as he forced his eyes to stay open. "I'm okay. Just had a flash of memory, kind of overloaded the system." He attempted to sit up, giving it up as a lost effort with a gasp.

"You remembered something?" Jake wasn't sure if it was a happy thing or not. "What was it?"

Will shook his aching head. "Don't know. Lots of little bits. Blood, pain, laughter, screaming and oddest of all, an Irish accent. Feelings, sensations, all mixed up together. It all has to do with that vampire, Angel. I just can't suss out the connection. It's all gone now. I can't recall anything specific. I could feel something tugging me, pulling at my mind…I don't know. It was fighting me. It was as if something doesn't want me to remember. At least not now. We need to find the people who bought the portraits. They may have some of the answers." He raised a shaky hand to his temple and rubbed gently trying to ease the ache.

He stared at Jake with pain filled eyes. "Bloody Hell, my head hurts." He gasped.

Jake stood up. "I'll get you some blood, maybe that will help."

Will nodded and winced at the action. "Thanks, Mate. It should."

Jake went into the kitchen and quickly prepared a large mug of blood for the stricken vampire. Carrying it into the living room, he was struck with the incongruity of his situation. Caring for a vampire, who would have predicted it? Six months ago he would have scoffed at anyone who dared tell him this was in his future.

The phone rang, wrenching a low groan from Will. Jake snatched up the receiver before it could ring again.

"Hello?" He snapped.

The female voice on the other end surprised him. "Susan, your idiot manager sold my paintings." He snarled.

"Jake, honey, I'm sorry. But from what he and Trevor say, he really didn't have any choice. He says you're not going to let him show any more work. Is that true?" Jake's cousin apologized.

"He told me they forced the check on him and just took the pieces." Jake admitted reluctantly. "I said he couldn't show any more of my work but I just don't know."

Susan was silent for a minute. "Jake, I'm sorry. It was my day off. I might have been able to stop them."

Jake laughed humorlessly. "I doubt it. One of them was a vampire."

"You're kidding! Like Will?" Susan was stunned. "Do they know Will?" She asked.

"Suzy, not all vampires know each other. But yeah, I think maybe they do. They said they did. They told Mr. Howard that he died six months ago." Jake had confided in his cousin just to make sure he wasn't going insane. She worked in the gallery and had convinced Jake to show his paintings. Since she lived in LA, she had assured him that the things that go bump in the night actually existed.

"And you found him four months ago. Where was he for the other two months?" Susan asked.

"Gee, Suzy, maybe stuck in that amulet he came out of? Don't you retain anything? I told you he was in Heaven. That's why he's so… quiet. If you were in Heaven wouldn't you be rather unhappy about being dragged out?" Jake was unaware of the increasingly upset expression on Will's face.

Will was feeling a sickening sense of deja-vu. The phrase 'dragged out of Heaven' was striking a very painful chord deep in his memory. Unfortunately it also renewed the stabbing pain throughout his head. An involuntary whimper escaped his clenched teeth. Jake whipped around at the sound and gasped as he saw the pain darkening Will's deep blue eyes.

"Look, Suzy, I have to go. Will had a memory flash that gave him a migraine. I gotta give him some blood before he passes out again. I'll let you know about showing the new painting, it's almost done, one or two more hours should to it. I really have to go now." The brunette lowered his voice in deference to Will's obvious pain.

Suzy made a sympathetic noise. "Poor thing, can I help?"

"See if you can find out anything about the people who bought the painting. Thanks, Hon." Jake hung up and hurried over to Will, offering the straw he'd stuck in the mug. Will sipped slowly, his hazy eyes closing almost involuntarily.

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Wesley, true to his word, made an appearance at the gallery later that afternoon. He'd been distressingly unsuccessful in his search for information on the amulet. Angel had ruled out asking Lindsey but Wes was beginning to think that maybe there was no other avenue.

He had raised his hand to knock on the manager's door when he heard the discussion taking place inside. Dropping his hand, he tilted his head to listen.

"Jake just might let you show his new painting after all. But you have got to respect his wishes. He didn't want the others sold but now they're gone and he blames you." Susan was berating her boss for his ineffectual defense of her cousin's work. She held up a hand as he began to disagree with her.

"I know, I know. You were pretty much forced into the sale. But still, why didn't you just have security show them out?" She asked acerbically.

"But you didn't see the tall guy. He had yellow eyes. But they were brown to start with and turned yellow. It scared me. The other guy, the one who wrote the check, he was just icy. I think he scared me more than the tall one. You weren't here, you don't know." Mr. Howard continued to defend himself.

Wesley allowed himself a small smile. He'd been working on his scare tactics and apparently he'd succeeded in frightening the slimy little manager.

"Oh, come on." Susan scoffed. "You've lived in LA for how long? Don't you know what you were up against?"

'Yes, please, tell him what he was up against. Do _you_ even know?' Wesley thought to himself.

At her boss's shake of his head, Susan waved her hand in dismissal. "I'm not even going to bother. I just want to warn you, if you ever see anyone with eyes like that again, RUN. As far and as fast as you can and pray to God that they don't catch you. Oh, and you might want to start carrying a cross." With that, she turned to go.

"But…but what was he?" Mr. Howard stammered as she opened the door.

"A vampire." Susan laughed at the disbelief on the man's face.

Wes heard her footsteps start for the door and moved back into the center of the gallery, acting as if he'd just arrived. His mind was racing.

'She knows the artist and pretty well it seems. She also knows about vampires. How? Because of Spike? I really need to find out everything she knows.' His thoughts stumbled to a stop as a tall pretty woman came out of the office. He pretended interest in a sculpture next to where he was standing.

Susan paused, wondering if the handsome man standing in the showroom had heard any of the conversation in the office. She approached him cautiously.

"Hello? May I help you?" She asked.

Wesley looked at her with innocent blue eyes. He hoped with all his heart that Mr. Howard would cower in his office until he was gone.

"Well, yes, actually. My employer and I purchased some portraits here yesterday. I was wondering if it would be possible to contact the artist about them. There are some questions." Gazing into her pretty and very intelligent gray eyes, Wes abruptly opted to tell the truth.

Susan shocked the former Watcher by grabbing his arm. Glancing quickly back towards the office, she steered the stunned Brit out of the front door and down the sidewalk. Stopping at a sidewalk café, she commandeered a small table. Once they were seated, she pinned him with a piercing gaze.

"What do you know?" She demanded.


	8. Listening

Listening

Disclaimer: Don't own anyone but Jake and Susan, yay Me!

Summary: No one seems to hear what they're listening for.

Reviews: Y'all put me to shame. Thank you so much for the outpouring of support and all the terrific reviews! You can spoil me rotten that way with every chapter. ;-) It just moves the story along that much faster. Muse loves you all. Everyone: Thank you very much. I feel totally loved. Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!!

A/N: Sibling Creature: I am so sorry I made you think I doubted you. I know you reviewed both chapters at once. Thank you for your constant support. You are truly a treasure.

WayWard Childe: Dude! What can I say? You inspire me. Thank you.

Raiining: Your unique commentary is always a joy.

Every one else who has been a constant reviewer: Hugs and kisses to you all. xoxo

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Jake finished the fourth painting faster than he'd predicted to Susan, setting it aside to dry in just under forty five minutes. He got out the snapshot he'd decided to base his fifth and final portrait on and clipped it to a small stand on a nearby table. It had been taken the previous afternoon with Jake's digital camera. He'd printed it on his computer that evening. It had been the first time Will had left the house. Granted, he didn't even leave the yard, but he'd been outside. Jake hadn't been able to resist taking the picture. He got out a fresh canvas, the same size as the first portrait of the series. He smiled to himself.

'This will be the most astounding of the bunch.' He thought. 'It's such a great shot.'

With quick motions, he began preparing the canvas for painting. Soon he'd made impressive progress. This one would be finished in just a couple of days, he knew.

As he worked, he took frequent breaks to check on Will. He was still on the sofa. Jake hadn't been inclined to move him for fear of waking him up and aggravating the migraine. The vampire had fed well and lapsed into a healing sleep. Jake had breathed a sigh of relief when he'd realized that Will was indeed asleep instead of unconscious. The Tylenol Migraine that Jake had slipped into the blood seemed to have done the trick.

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Wesley gazed at the lovely lady in front of him in bemusement. She had demanded he tell her what he knew. He had been determined to find out what _she_ knew. He turned to the waiter who set menus in front of them and ordered coffee. He glanced at the woman and raised an eyebrow.

She smiled. "I'll have hot tea, I can't drink coffee." Susan handed the menus back to the young man.

"Now." Wesley began. "I'd like to ask some questions about those portraits."

"Don't you at least want to know who I am?" She asked in amusement.

Wes smiled, abashed. "Yes, quite right. Who are you?"

"Susan Wilson. The artist is my cousin and I'm not telling you anything until you tell me who you are and what your vampire friend wants." She coolly held his eyes with hers, not flinching in the least.

"My name is Wesley Wyndham Price and I work for Angel Investigations. We have been hired to find either the artist or, better yet, the subject of those fascinating portraits." The former Watcher introduced himself.

"Angel Investigations? A vampire that runs a detective agency?" Susan was amused at the concept.

"Yes, well. It is rather unusual. We specialize in unusual cases." Wes explained.

Susan considered that for a moment. "These people who hired you, what do they want with the guy in the paintings?"

Wes wondered briefly how much to tell her. She seemed to be truly concerned about their motives. He thought he detected an undercurrent of caring in her tone.

"They think that the young man in the paintings is someone they lost six months ago. He died. If he is who they think he is, they desperately want him back. They would like to know how he came to be alive again and why he hasn't made an effort to return to them." Wes thought that just about covered it without revealing too many details.

"You do know that my cousin didn't want to sell those paintings, right?" Susan changed the subject abruptly.

Wesley smiled. Her distracting tactic couldn't work on him. He'd used it too many times himself. "Yes." He answered briefly.

Susan flicked her straight chestnut hair back over her shoulder. Her fine dark brows drew together in a frown. Their drinks had arrived and she took a sip of her tea. "I'll have to call my cousin…"

"Jake." Wesley supplied, to let her know he had that much information.

She inclined her head. "I need to find out what _Jake_ wants to do about all this. It hasn't been easy."

Wesley had one more question that had been bothering him for more than twenty-four hours. "The check I gave Mr. Howard was quite generous. I'm sure that the money could be useful. Why didn't Jake want to sell the pieces?"

Her smile was bright. "We, he and I, have trust funds. Painting is just a hobby for him. He gets attached to his work. We don't need to work. We do it to stay busy. It's fun."

Wes shook his head in bemusement. Only the rich could think working is fun. Or the lucky few who fell into the perfect jobs that made going to work each day a joy. Most days he wasn't sure if he fell into that category.

"Would you like to come back with me and meet the others?" Wesley asked.

Susan considered that for a moment. "Yes, I think I would. Then I can tell Jake what's going on and if it's safe…" She broke off leaving Wes to wonder what she meant by '_safe'_.

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Jake was checking on Will again when he noticed the vampire's agitated movements. His sleep had become restless, an aspect that Jake had come to recognize as a precursor to nightmares. Jake rushed to his room and retrieved the notebook he used to record the disjointed phrases that Will sometimes mumbled during the nightmares. He was attempting to find something to use as a starting point in his search for Will's identity. Unfortunately, in the four months of listening only a few things were actually clear enough to understand. That was how he'd gotten the name for the first portrait. Will had said it in his sleep and had sounded so sad that Jake had stopped listening that night. Other nights of listening hadn't yielded very many useful bits, certainly nothing that would lead them to how and why Will had been in Heaven. The only thing Jake knew for certain was that somehow; someway Will and the amulet were connected to the crater that had once been Sunnydale.


	9. Conversations

Conversations

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Want to though.

Summary: More revelations and conversations.

Reviews: Well, Yeah. All you guys are so great. You feed my muse and make me feel warm and fuzzy all over. Readers rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!!!

A/N: In order to avoid a bunch of confusion, I have to tell all of you that Jake and Will are not in the same time frame as Susan and the rest. Susan's part of the story is taking place the next day. The next chapter I'll be putting everyone back on the same time track.

kristendotcom: Sorry the chapters are short. These people get to a certain point and then just stop. No matter what I say or how much I threaten they just won't go any farther.

Raiining: Evil is coming, never fear. (insert wicked laughter)

Everyone: Please go read WayWard Childe's review for chapter 8. It's so funny! He's very talented. He's posted some totally awesome stories. When you're done reading and reviewing this chapter, go check out some of his work. You won't regret it.

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While Susan was in the ladies room freshening up, Wesley used his cell phone to call Angel and tell him what was going on. When they entered the Hyperion a little while later, Angel and Gunn had left to follow a lead given by one of Cordelia's visions. Fred was upstairs with Cordy as she recovered from the headache the vision had given her. Buffy and Dawn were in the lobby gazing at the portraits trying to absorb every detail of the vampire they both longed for. The girls sat on the sofa huddled together; hands clasped together, blue and green eyes trained on the canvases.

Susan noted the haunted expressions on their faces. She saw the sadness and love that shone with each unshed tear that sparkled in their eyes as they studied the images of Will.

'So, someone does care about Will.' She thought. 'Maybe he'll get his memory back if we get them together. But how are we going to get him here?' She turned her attention back to Wesley as he began making introductions.

"Susan Wilson, I'd like you to meet Buffy and Dawn Summers. They're the ones who want to find Spike." Wesley steered the brunette over toward the sofa as he spoke.

Susan nodded to the sisters. "Pleased to meet you." She said before looking at the former Watcher in confusion. "Who's Spike?" She asked.

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Jake shook Will awake. He'd watched and listened to the nightmare until it appeared to seriously upset the young vampire. He had gotten just a few more words and phrases down in his notebook and hoped they could make some sense of it soon. Jake was almost afraid to attempt discussing the notations with Will. He didn't want to set off another migraine.

"Bloody Hell, Watcher, just give me a sec, will you? A vamp needs his sleep you know." Will's voice reflected a new accent. Jake wasn't sure but his friend sounded rather Cockney. His speech pattern wasn't as refined as the young man was used to hearing.

"What?" Jake asked, confused. "Who or what is a 'Watcher'? Will, are you okay?"

Will started. He blinked his eyes open and trained his deep blue gaze on Jake. "I'm fine. What happened?" His voice returned to the cultured tones Jake was accustomed to hearing.

'Whoa.' Jake thought. 'This is new.'

"What do you remember?" He asked Will quietly.

The vampire thought for a moment. "The phone rang. You were shouting. They sold your paintings. One of the people was a vampire. There was a memory. It hurt. A lot. Then you were shaking me." He shook his head. "I don't remember anything else. What was that you were asking? 'What's a Watcher?' I don't know. It feels as if I should but I don't really want to try to remember anything else right now." He sat up on the sofa. Jake moved back as Will swung his legs around to sit straight.

"That about sums it up." Jake told him. "I gave you some blood that I'd put some painkiller into. You've been asleep for several hours. You had another nightmare. Do you recall any of it?"

Will shook his head again. "Same as usual, Mate. Not a damn thing. Just that voice, that girl. It's as if there's a big heavy door that slams shut as soon as I wake up." Frustration shone in his sapphire eyes.

Jake yawned suddenly. He was startled to realize it was the middle of the night. "If you're okay, I'm going to bed now. It's been a long night."

Will nodded. "I'm fine. Did the satellite dish ever clear up?"

Jake smiled. "I went out and cleaned it off several hours ago."

The vampire grabbed the remote with unconcealed glee. "Sleep tight then. Don't let any vampires bite."

Jake rolled his eyes, a motion that caused a strange pang to run through Will. It had been the same nighttime ritual ever since they'd discovered that Will was a vampire but oddly had no desire to bite Jake or any other human. The first time Susan had come to visit and Will had been hesitant to meet her. He'd been afraid that his reluctance to bite had been restricted to Jake. They had all been astounded when it was discerned he didn't want to bite anyone. He was quite content to feed on the animal blood Jake bought from the butcher. Recently, Jake's eye rolling had started to make Will feel a little sad, as if he was missing a part of himself. He shook off the feeling and waved the remote at his housemate.

"I'm set. Got my remote, five hundred and seventy-five channels and snacks in the kitchen, what more could I want?" Will grinned.

Jake grinned in return. 'Maybe your memory and your life back?' He thought a little sadly. With that, he retired for the rest of the night.

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Three pairs of eyes looked at Susan in unconcealed horror. "What do you mean, who's Spike?" Wesley pointed at the paintings. "That's Spike." He stated.

Susan shook her head. "Jake has never mentioned anyone named 'Spike'." She told them flatly. She held her hands up as they all began bombarding her with questions.

"Calm down. I can tell you really miss the guy in the portraits. It's obvious. We need to sit down and discuss all this before I call Jake." She raised her voice to override the audio assault. She sat down in a chair close to the sofa and waited.

Dawn began to cry. Her hopes had been dashed. Now she would never get Spike back. If this lady didn't know who he was then obviously it wasn't him in the paintings. But, if it wasn't him then what about the duster and the amulet? It _had_ to be him. There was no other explanation. Tears slid silently down her face as she gazed at the profile of her best friend.

Buffy slid her arms around her weeping sister. It was all she could do not to dissolve into heartbroken tears herself. To get so close… She refused to finish the thought. She wasn't going to give up yet. There had to be a reason this woman didn't know who Spike was.

Wesley sank down into a chair, deep in thought. 'She's not lying.' He thought to himself. 'I wonder…' He looked over at Susan. "He used to go by 'William the Bloody'. Has Jake mentioned anyone named William?" He asked.

Susan shook her head, chestnut hair swinging softly. "No." She said quietly. She wasn't sure why but she didn't feel inclined to elaborate and tell them she knew him as 'Will'.

Angel came into the hotel followed closely by Gunn. He'd heard Wesley's question and her answer. Gunn moved over to the weapons cabinet to put away their gear before disappearing upstairs to give them some privacy. The vampire's chocolate brown gaze took in the scene. Buffy and Dawn were sitting on the sofa clinging to each other. Wes was sitting in a chair gazing inquiringly at a lovely young woman. She had long straight chestnut hair and large gray eyes. She was clad in a designer dress that would have made Cordelia incoherent with envy and expensive shoes Cordy would kill for. He approached her and held out his hand.

"I'm Angel." He stated.

"Hello, I'm Susan Wilson." She answered shaking his hand. He was surprised that she didn't flinch at the coolness of his grasp until he remembered Wes telling him that she knew he was a vampire. "I work at the gallery and the artist of these pieces is my cousin." She continued. She stood up and walked over to the paintings. She couldn't conceal the affection in her gaze as she looked at the portraits.

Angel noticed. "You know him." It wasn't a question.

She nodded.

Dawn leaped up. "But you said you didn't." She accused hotly.

Buffy stood up next to her sister. "Dawnie." She warned softly.

Angel glanced at the sisters. "You said you didn't know him?" He asked Susan.

Susan sent him an amused look. "I said Jake never mentioned Spike or William. I didn't say I didn't know the guy in the paintings." She caught the looks of hostility she was receiving. She sighed. "Look, it's been hard, okay? We had to make sure you didn't mean him any harm. I mean, no one has looked for him for four months. Although I can't say I was surprised by that considering…" She trailed off once more gazing at Will's image.

Buffy gasped. "He's been back four months? Why hasn't he tried to find us?" Tears spilled from her green eyes. "Oh God! He doesn't love me any more. He didn't believe me. He doesn't want to come back, does he?" She sobbed, sinking down onto the sofa with her face in her hands.

Angel clasped a large hand around Susan's arm. "Are you always this cruel or is today special?"

Susan raised her free hand, hooked a finger in the chain around her neck and pulled out a gold cross. She held it towards Angel forcing him to back up and release her arm. As soon as she was free she dropped the pendant but didn't return it to its hiding place.

"I'm not trying to be cruel. I'm trying to determine what's best for my cousin and his friend." She tried to explain.

Wesley cleared his throat. "Does Jake's friend have a name?" He inquired.

Susan nodded. "Will. He thinks his name is Will." She answered.

Angel dropped into a chair as he heard the name he used to call his Childe.

Wes tilted his head. "He _thinks_ his name is Will? Doesn't he know?"

Susan's serious gray eyes surveyed each one in turn and slowly shook her head. "No, he doesn't know. He doesn't remember anything that happened before he burst out of that amulet in a cloud of ash."


	10. Contact

Contact

Disclaimer: Still own only Susan and Jake.

Summary: Don't think I want to tell.

Reviews: Of course I want reviews. I just hate posting chapters the same day ff pulls down the access so no one can review. I love everyone who has reviewed this fic; you guys are so good to me. As always, Readers rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!!

A/N: Was going to wait a few days before posting another chapter but the fingers just typed this out and now they're all insisting they get posted. Sometimes I think these people just crave the attention and use me to get it.

WayWard Childe: You rule. I was with you all the way up to the chestnut wig. Just not my fantasy, man. Thanks for the rib-tickling reviews.

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Stunned silence met Susan's pronouncement of Will's amnesia. Dawn lowered herself back down to the sofa and leaned against her sister.

'Now we know.' She thought. 'He didn't come back because he didn't know. He didn't remember us. We have to get to him, help him.' She closed her eyes as tears continued to flow down her pretty face. 'Spike, I'm so sorry.'

Angel covered his face with his hands. Weariness bowed his shoulders as guilt over his Childe's plight swept through his large frame.

Susan looked around at the shocked faces. "He's been living with my cousin. He didn't even _know_ he was a vampire at first. It's a long story. For the most part, he just drifts along day to day and doesn't worry too much about who his is, was or what happened to him. Jake told me yesterday that he remembered something but the memory gave him a migraine. There's something wrong. We all need to work together to figure out what. But until then, Jake and I are going to protect Will. We are not going to let _anyone_ hurt him." She gazed at the larger portrait. Raising a hand she traced a finger along his sleeping profile. "He's innocent." She finished quietly.

Wesley was intrigued. He'd never heard anyone describe a vampire as innocent before. Vampires were the very antithesis of innocence.

"I don't understand. How is he innocent? He is a vampire. Surely that makes him dangerous. Are you certain he hasn't turned your cousin and they are acting a part to convince you to protect them?" The young Brit ventured tentatively.

Susan shot him a pitying look. "Jake still has a heartbeat. Will has no interest whatsoever in biting anyone. He hasn't even left the house the whole time he's been back. He was afraid to meet me for fear that he might want to make me a snack but he didn't. He actually looked sick at the thought. Jake buys blood from the butcher. He's quite content with that. Will eats an unbelievable amount of human food though." She turned to Angel. "Do all vampires eat as much human food as Will?"

Angel looked up and shook his head in bemusement. "Will's unique. He's never really left his human personality behind, just covered it up with his 'Big Bad' attitude. He's always eaten human food."

Dawn looked up sharply. "He likes spicy chicken wings. And Passions." She stated sadly.

Susan smiled at the teenager. "You're telling me? If I show up at the door without a big order of them, neither one of them will let me in until I go get some. It doesn't matter that I have a key. Will just uses his vamp strength to hold the door closed and refuses to open up. I swear sometimes they're like a couple of small boys. Don't even get me started on Passions; it's an illness I tell you. What ever else he's forgotten, somehow that horrid soap is one thing he still knows about."

A short round of laughter met that revelation.

Buffy stood up again. "How do we fix this? How do we get him back?" She turned to Wes. "Wesley, do you think we should call Willow?"

Wes looked thoughtful. "I don't know yet. We need to talk to him. It's possible that seeing you may bring his memory back. It's also possible that he may never regain it. It may be gone forever."

Susan shook her head. "I think his memories are just lying beneath the surface. He's had nightmares. Really violent, scary, sad nightmares. But he never remembers what the nightmares are about. He says it's like a door slams shut as soon as he wakes up. Jake has a notebook where he's written down some of the words and phrases that Will's said in his sleep." She indicated the larger portrait again. "That's were he got the title for this piece. Will said it one night."

Buffy was reminded again of that night in the church. The night she'd found out he'd gotten his soul. The smell of Spike's smoking flesh as he draped against the cross was something that would haunt her forever.

'_C-can we rest now? Buffy? Can we rest?'_

She inhaled shakily. "Angel."

He looked over at her. "Yes?"

"We have to get him back." She stated.

"I know." The dark vampire stood up.

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_He looked at the bound teenager in horror as he felt the knife slide into his back. He knew the fear he saw shining from her big blue eyes was reflected in his own. The realization that he was going to break his promise flashed through his mind a split second before the shove that pushed him off the tower sent him tumbling twenty stories down to land in a broken heap amid the rubble._

_The scene changed. He was looking up a staircase. The same teenager was descending, followed by a petite blonde. "I've seen the bloody bot before. Didn't think it'd fix up…" He stopped as realization washed over him that it wasn't the robot. It was…._

_He glanced back over his shoulder and saw the evil preacher gouge out the boy's eye. With a roar he tackled the enemy and helped to carry the brunette to safely._

_He was tied to a wall. The phrase tumbled from his lips like a mantra, keeping him from giving up. "She will come for me, she will come for me. She will come…for…me."_

_Sunlight flowed through his body incinerating the horrible creatures swarming up from the pit. "I love you." She said, green eyes swimming with unshed tears. "No, you don't but thanks for saying it."_

With a yell, Will sat straight up in his bed. Trembling from head to foot, he tried to recall the nightmare that had disturbed his sleep once again. Only impressions remained, pain, guilt, sadness and love. That voice, telling him something he'd always wanted to hear. What was it? It seemed important. But if it was so important why couldn't he remember? He threw the sheet aside in agitation. No use trying to get any more sleep. His inner clock told him it was after sunset, later than he normally slept. The events of the previous night must have been more draining than he'd originally thought. Up until now he'd been content to drift along, not caring about his past but now his past was coming back to bite him in the ass and he was tired of it. Tired of the nightmares, tired of not knowing.

He snarled as he got up and slid on a pair of clean black jeans. Tugging a fresh shirt from the closet, he noticed he needed to do laundry again. The mundane observation help to calm him somewhat. Dressed, he wandered into the living room. A note on the television caught his attention.

'Gone to town for some supplies, running low on the red stuff. Will be back in a couple of hours. If Suzy calls, go ahead and answer it. Jake.'

Will noticed by the time printed on the note that his housemate was due back at any time. He made his way to the kitchen and got out a packet of blood to heat. While he waited, he pondered the nightmares. He couldn't recall the last time he'd had any uninterrupted sleep. He scrubbed a hand down his drawn face as the microwave dinged.

As he sipped the red fluid he couldn't survive without, he reflected on the past four months. He felt guilty letting Jake provide everything. Jake had gone out and bought new clothes, he supplied unlimited packets of blood from the butcher and never once complained about the amount of food Will could consume. Will had asked Jake once why he was so willing to support a homeless amnesiac vampire.

_"What am I supposed to do? Throw you out? I wouldn't abandon anyone in your condition. My mother would come back from the grave and give me one of her 'I taught you better than that' speeches. Pal, I'd do anything to avoid that. Seeing where you came from makes me believe that she'd find a way to do it too. Besides, I like you. Tell you what, let me paint you and we'll call it even. Okay?"_

A reluctant smile crossed Will's handsome face as he recalled the conversation. Since then Jake had refused to discuss it claiming he was only doing what was right. Will still couldn't figure out why Jake was so adamant about painting him, although seeing his image on canvas had been a bit disconcerting. He had the feeling he hadn't seen his own face for a very long time.

The phone rang just as Will heard Jake's Jeep pull into the driveway. The vampire checked the caller id and picked it up when he saw Susan's name flashing on the readout.

"Hello, Cutie." Will greeted her, happy for the chance to talk to her. He really liked Jake's cousin. She treated him like a brother.

His greeting was met by silence for a moment. "Hi, Handsome. How are you?" Susan gave him her customary greeting.

"You sound funny, Luv. Are you on the bloody speaker phone?" Will asked her as he sat down on the sofa and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"Yes. Um… Will? I have some people here with me." She hesitantly started to explain.

Jake came into the living room.

"I thought I could hear more than one person breathing. Vampire hearing, you know. So who's there? Some new boyfriend I need to scare off?" Will joked with her, not realizing how important the people with her was to him.

"No. God, I thought Jake would answer. This is hard. Will, I'm with some people who say they know you. They wanted to talk to you." Susan told him quietly.

Will was stunned. Fear shot through him. "O-okay." He agreed hesitantly, wide frightened sapphire eyes met Jake's comforting gray gaze. He put his feet on the floor and sat forward.

"Hi. Will? I'm Dawn. I really miss you. Can I come see you?" A girl's quavering voice reached Will's waiting ears.

"Hi Dawn. I…um…don't know what I'm supposed to say." Will told her.

"Will?"

The young vampire stiffened at the new voice. He slid off the sofa, landing on his knees. He dropped the phone and clasped his hands around his head. Growling as agony raced through his brain.


	11. Complexities

Complexities

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Don't even own pocket lint. Lost it in the bankruptcy.

Summary: Some interesting things are revealed.

Reviews: Yes, love em, need em, live for em. Hugs and kisses to everyone who reviews. Readers rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!!

A/N: Sorry for the delay but I spent a day in a lust filled haze following WayWard Childe's last review (Spike in nothing but chaps, yum, some sweet dreams there) and another day in denial (Angel in a french maid's uniform, not-so-yum, nightmare city). It's not that Angel isn't attractive its just…well…_think about it. _I was going to go back to Jake's house but Wes and Susan had to have their little thing. Then they all just stopped. I know its slow moving but, please, have you ever tried to get these people to rush at anything?

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Earlier, at the Hyperion.

Dawn and Buffy wanted to leave immediately and go to where Spike was now living. Angel echoed the desire but couldn't let anyone know he did. So he kept silent and let the girls talk to Susan about it. Susan was reluctant to let any of them have any information about Spike, or Will as she called him, and Jake. All she would say was that they did not live in the LA area.

"Please, I need to see him." Dawn was trying her puppy dog eyes on Susan. Unfortunately for the teenager, Will had used the same tactic on her so she was now pretty much immune to big pleading blue eyes. She refused to admit how many times the beguiling vampire had actually gotten away with it before she'd toughened up.

"Tell you what. I promised Jake I would call him today. I could do it from here and put them on speaker. Okay?" Susan compromised. She held up her cell phone. She didn't want them to be able to obtain the number so she pushed a few buttons to conceal the entry from anyone who managed to take a peek at the display. She turned the volume all the way up and activated the speaker function. They listened to it ring. Once. Twice. Then it was answered.

"Hello, Cutie."

Buffy's knees went weak at the familiar greeting. She sank down onto the sofa as tears once more welled in her eyes. Dawn's joy was incandescent. She literally glowed as she heard his beloved voice. The accent was subtly different but they could all tell. It was Spike.

"Hi, Handsome. How are you?" Susan's face took on a worried expression as she greeted Will.

"You sound funny, Luv. Are you on the bloody speaker phone?" They could hear Will ask the question with amusement in his voice.

"Yes. Um… Will? I have some people here with me." Susan hesitantly started to explain as she looked at each one in turn. Dawn with her huge grin, Buffy with her trembling hand covering her mouth as tears slipped down her face and at Angel whose stoic features couldn't hide the emotion reflected in his dark brown eyes.

"I thought I could hear more than one person breathing. Vampire hearing, you know. So who's there? Some new boyfriend I need to scare off?" Smiles became evident as they listened to the teasing care in his refined British voice.

"No. God, I thought Jake would answer. This is hard. Will, I'm with some people who say they know you. They wanted to talk to you." Susan told him quietly. Her gray eyes landing on Dawn, motioning for her to be the first one to speak.

"O-okay." They could hear the hesitation in his voice and his fear transmitted itself over the phone.

"Hi. Will? I'm Dawn. I really miss you. Can I come see you?" Dawn couldn't help the tremor in her voice. She was talking to Spike! She'd believed him lost forever and vowed to herself she would let him know how much she loved him.

"Hi Dawn. I…um…don't know what I'm supposed to say." She was just a little disheartened when he didn't appear to recognize her voice.

Buffy opened her mouth to have her turn when Angel interrupted. He'd tried to wait but he had to talk to his Childe. He only said one word.

"Will?" The elder vampire held his unneeded breath waiting for Will's reaction. What they all heard sent terror through their hearts. They heard the phone hit the floor and a growl of agony sounded through the tiny phone speaker.

"Oh my God! Will! Can you hear me? Will!" Susan frantically tried to find out what was happening on the other end of the line. They heard the phone get picked up and a new voice sounded over the speaker.

"Suzy? What's going on? What happened?" A deeper American male voice asked the questions angrily.

"Jake! Oh Thank God! Where's Will? What happened?" Susan was grateful her cousin was there.

"He's on the floor holding his head. I asked you what happened." Jake answered her, hostility still evident in his voice.

"Angel said his name." Susan was still confused about why Will had the reaction he did.

"That's it? Someone said 'Will'?" Disbelief colored Jake's deep voice.

"Yes." Susan confirmed.

"It was Angel?" Jake asked. Another anguished moan burst from Will at the name. They could hear his panting with the pain and were astonished when they heard him speak.

"Not…Angel… _Angelus_…. Aaaah!" He cried out again and then a thud was heard.

"God! Look I gotta go, Will's passed out. Find out what the deal is with this Angel/Angelus dude. This is the second time that name has done a number on Will. I'll call you later." They heard the phone hang up with a slam.

Silence blanketed the old hotel as Susan turned cold gray eyes on the vampire at the root of Will's pain. She closed her phone and pocketed it.

"Well?" Her icy voice broke the quiet, as she demanded an answer from Angel.

"Angelus called Spike 'Will' when he was a fledge. It wasn't easy being a Childe of Angelus. But I don't think that's the reason for this. It's something else. He used to call me Angelus all the time. He insisted that having a soul didn't change the inner being. He used to tell me that Angelus and Angel were two parts of the same whole." Angel spoke quietly, still in shock that just the sound of his voice and name brought that reaction in his Childe.

"You are not allowed to talk to him again until we find out just what it is doing this to him. Understand?" Susan's frosty instruction annoyed Angel but since she was their only link to Spike, he nodded that he did understand.

"I'm leaving now. Wes? Give me a ride back to the gallery please." She turned to Buffy and Dawn. "I'm sorry but we have to make sure he's okay before we can attempt another contact."

The sisters nodded their understanding. They clung to each other, partly in joy that Spike was indeed alive, or undead as it were, and partly in fear for the intense pain they could hear in his voice.

Buffy brushed a lock of hair behind Dawn's ear. "We'll have him back soon." She promised.

"We'll see." The slayer shot Susan a poisonous look at her statement. Susan held the look calmly, not in the least afraid. She turned and left with a confused Wesley behind her.

"Wes!" Angel stopped the former watcher.

"Yes?" Wes asked.

"When you get back, I need you to get a hold of Lindsey. We have to find out about that amulet. I want to know what it is, what it does and why it brought Spike back." Angel instructed. Wes nodded and followed Susan.

In the car, Wes drove in silence for a moment. "So Spike is alive." He observed quietly.

Susan nodded. "As alive as a vampire ever is, I suppose."

"And he has absolutely no memory of anything before he…what was it? Burst out of the amulet in a cloud of ash?" Wes was attempting to insure his facts were straight.

"Jake told me he found the amulet in the center of the Sunnydale crater. He took it home and when he looked at it closer it heated up and started to glow. He dropped it and a big cloud of ashes erupted out of it. Will…he kind of rematerialized from the ashes. He was unconscious for more than twenty-four hours. A couple of days later when he began to waste away despite eating several meals a day, they discovered he was a vampire. Jake cut his finger and Will's face changed. Scared the hell out of both of them." Wes interrupted her narrative.

"It scared both of them?" He asked incredulously. She nodded. "Fascinating. Please, continue." He added.

"There's not much more to tell. They get along famously. Jake buys blood from the butcher, at a ridiculous price, and Will's quite content with it. For a vampire he's pretty laid back. He watches television and plays the guitar. He reads. He works out in the basement gym Jake has. And he sleeps, a lot, mostly because so much of his sleep is interrupted by nightmares." Susan looked at Wes as he pulled the car up to the gallery.

"He reads?" Again Wesley was amazed.

She nodded with a smile. "Yeah, I was shocked too. I've run into a couple of vampires here and they didn't strike me as very intellectual. Will's very smart. He just hates to show it. I found out he reads from Jake and it took him almost a month to catch Will at it. I won't tell you what he reads; he threatened to bite me if I ever ratted him out. Let's just say it's not comic books or horror stories and leave it at that."

Wes frowned in confusion. What would make Spike threaten to bite if it got out what he read? It couldn't be anything one would associate with violent types. From Susan's description, Will was far from violent. If he didn't read comics or horror stories, which in truth was pretty much what Wes figured would be exactly what Spike would read. That left several genres, most of which Wes discarded immediately. Intellectual. Something he didn't want people to know about.

Susan watched in amusement as the expressions changed on Wesley's handsome face. She grinned when he got it.

"He reads poetry?" Wes asked in shock.

"Along with some other stuff. I'm not telling, mind you." She said.

"Mysteries?" She shook her head. "Not…?" Wes couldn't voice the guess. She nodded. He smiled. "Well, well." It seemed that William the Bloody was much more complex than any one ever dreamed.


	12. Special

Special

Disclaimer: Don't own anyone but Jake and Susan.

Summary: Don't know how to describe it.

Reviews: Yes, please. Love everyone who reviews. Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!!

WayWard Childe: I don't expect a ficlet with each chapter I just love the fact that you read my rambles. I'm totally looking forward to more of your writing. (More of 'The Next Mission! Yay! Happy dance!)

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Jake slammed the phone down in angry frustration. He knelt next to Will and lifted him gently up to the sofa. He was facing the door to Will's room and noticed the glow that was waning. 'Odd.' He thought. 'It looks like the glow from the amulet just before Will made his appearance.' He made a mental note to check it out later and went back to the task of making the unconscious vampire comfortable. As before it wasn't long before a low moan marked the return to wakefulness.

"Will?" Jake asked gently, softly. "Come on Buddy. Talk to me."

Dark lashes fluttered. "Light." Will whispered painfully. Jake quickly turned the dimmer switch on the lamp. "Thanks, Mate." Will tried to sit up. Sheer stubbornness being the only reason he succeeded. He rested his aching head against the soft cushion backing the sofa.

"Do you remember what happened?" Jake questions softly.

A short pained nod. "Talked to Suzy-Q. There were people there…who knew me. A girl, young. Misses me. Wants to see me." Short gasps of air punctuated each part. "A man…no…vampire said my name. It hurt."

Jake nodded. That was pretty much all he knew as well. "I'll get you some blood. Want some painkiller in it?"

Will nodded slightly. "Not too much. Don't want to sleep long. Have to figure this out. Making me bug-shagging crazy, it is." He draped a muscular arm across his eyes and didn't notice the Spikeism that had crept into his normally precise speech.

Jake gave him a puzzled glance at the term. He knew Will hadn't but he'd noticed the odd words and phrases that were beginning to creep into Will's vocabulary.

He left the vampire on the sofa and rushed to prepare a mug of blood with a couple of Tylenol Migraine in it. He brought the heated concoction into the living room and held a straw up to Will's lips. The vampire sipped gratefully. He finished it quickly with a sigh as the blood and painkillers worked with his vampire healing to banish the pain from his head. He drifted into a light sleep, falling over as his body relaxed. Jake straightened him out and covered him up with a blanket.

The artist wandered into his studio and distractedly picked up his pallet. He chose fresh brushes and began to work on the final portrait. It was nearly finished and clearly, in his opinion, the best of the lot. He painted a couple of hours before he heard the familiar crunch of tires on the driveway. Hearing a door slam, he dropped his brushes in a cup of turpentine and moved into the kitchen to meet Susan.

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As soon as Wesley left, Susan quickly drove back to her apartment and changed clothes. She grabbed the keys to her Jeep and hit the road for Jake's house. Wesley's final revelation rang in her ears as she drove.

_'Spike may have been a vampire but he had a soul. He went out and earned it back. Why he did that is a long story and I don't have all the details. But I can tell you that six months ago Spike gave up his existence, his life, to save the world.'_

Two hours and one stop for chicken wings later, she burst through the kitchen door.

"Jake! Is he okay? I got here as soon as I could. Oh God, I'm so sorry. If I'd known…" Susan babbled the second she saw her cousin.

"Suzy-Cutie, it's okay. I'm okay. Where's my hug?" Will stood leaning against the kitchen doorway. She rushed over and flung her arms around him, tears leaking out to dampen his t-shirt. "Hush now, Luv. None of that." He tipped her face up with one finger. "Hey, where're my wings?"

She giggled through her tears at his silliness. "On the table." She pointed at the bag that Jake was inching toward.

Will let out a mock growl when he noticed what his friend was up to. "Better share, Mate."

Jake grinned and got out some paper plates and napkins. "Only if you get here in time." He challenged. Both humans blinked when Will used vampiric speed to reach the table and snatch the prize from Jake.

"Whoa. Where did that come from?" Jake shook his head in wonder.

Will stilled and the smile disappeared from his handsome face. "I don't know. Guess maybe its part of the whole vampire thing. Never needed it before now, I suppose." He shrugged after a moment, apparently deciding wings were more important than enhanced vampire abilities. "So, tell me about these people who know me. What are they like?" He trained his sapphire gaze on Susan.

She nibbled on a wing and thought about the people she'd met earlier. "There are two sisters, Dawn and Buffy. Dawn is the younger one. You talked to her. She's cute and almost as tall as me. She has big blue eyes and has obviously taken lessons from you in using them to get her way. Buffy…" She broke off at the snicker from the vampire.

"Buffy? What kind of name is Buffy?" Will chuckled.

Susan smiled. "I don't know, maybe it's a nickname. Anyway, she's pretty, petite and blond. She has green eyes and she was supposed to talk to you but that guy interrupted. I'm not saying his name or anything but I think you know what I mean."

Will nodded soberly. "Don't really want to explore that yet, Pet."

Jake remembered what he'd seen. "I noticed after you passed out that the amulet seemed to be glowing. It was fading when I saw it but it was the same light it emitted just before you appeared. I wonder if it has anything to do with the pain you feel when we mention that guy."

Will looked thoughtful. "Could be. I don't want to test it right now, though. I think my brain is just a little fried at the moment." The cousins nodded in agreement.

The three of them ate and talked about other things for a while before Susan stifled a yawn. "I'm whacked. I'm staying over."

Jake grinned. "You know where your room is." She nodded and kissed both men before leaving the kitchen. She was a frequent visitor and kept quite a few items in the smallest bedroom the house offered.

"I finished the new paintings. Want to see?" Jake stood up to throw away the rubbish from their snack.

Will nodded. "Sure." He followed the human through to the studio and gaped when he saw the portraits. He pointed at the smaller interior scene. "Don't show that one." He instructed. Indicating the larger one, he smiled. "That one's good. Did I really look like that?"

Jake showed him the snapshot. "Got the proof right here." He claimed.

Will took the paper from his friend. Studying it for a few minutes, he looked up with confusion in his sapphire eyes. His voice was quiet. "What kind of vampire am I? I read Shakespeare. I don't want to bite people. I don't want to go out and kill. What does that make me? I've read the Internet sites about vampires. They're evil, soulless creatures that torture and kill humans. The thought of that makes me feel sick." He began to pace in agitation, careful to avoid the drying canvases. He indicated the paintings. "That doesn't look like a vampire. Jake, what am I?"

Jake stopped Will's pacing by placing a hand on each shoulder. He looked down into the shorter man's dark blue eyes. "Special, Will. It makes you very special." He said firmly.


	13. Guilt

Guilt

Disclaimer: Not mine but they are fun to play with.

Summary: Angel feels guilt and Will feels unworthy.

Reviews: Yes, please, if you can. I know the site is being a bugger about it, or else the last chapter just plain sucked. Either way, I need reviews more than air. Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!!

A/N: Imzadi, as per your request my dear. Hope I didn't muck it up too bad.

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Wesley and Angel stood over Lindsey, who was seated in the chair next to Angel's desk. He was smirking as if he knew a lot of things they didn't. The former watcher ached to smash the smirk with his fist.

"So you didn't wear the amulet?" Lindsey asked. "That's too bad. It would have solved so many problems for my firm. They really wanted you to be the one to wear it. Who was the unlucky one stupid enough to put it on?"

Angel's eyes glowed amber as he growled. "Wes." He snarled. "Let me kill him."

"No, we have to find out what he knows." Wesley put a calming hand on the vampire's arm. "Now Lindsey, you will refrain from antagonizing the angry vampire. Tell us what that amulet was intended to do." His icy blue eyes warned the lawyer to tell the truth.

"It was supposed to let Angel close the hell mouth and fulfill the prophecy. If he stopped an apocalypse, then he gets his reward and turns human. Presto, one annoying vampire out of our hair." Lindsey smiled as he observed the expression on Angel's face. "That way when the Senior Partners were ready for their own apocalypse, well, it would be that much easier without you to stop it. Two for the price of one, stopping the First and clearing the way for us, easy." He clasped his hands across his abdomen and leaned back, satisfied that he'd caused the enemy so much emotional pain.

"Why did the amulet bring Spike back?" Wes continued his questioning despite his desire to talk to Angel about these revelations.

Lindsey shook his head. "That I don't know, didn't know it had. I do know that the Senior Partners would like their property back. I guess it comes with its own pet vampire now. " He smiled evilly. "So, where is it?"

Wesley smiled even more evilly. "We don't know." He was grateful that Susan had been adamant that they not know where Jake and Spike lived. He had to admit that her instincts in this instance were spot on. "Are you telling me that Spike is tied to the amulet?" He questioned Lindsey.

Lindsey nodded in satisfaction. He was suddenly having a lot of fun. He'd never realized how enjoyable it was to point out to the almighty Angel that he screwed up and did in his own Childe while he was at it.

"How do we release him?" Wes wanted to know.

"I don't know. I don't think you can." Lindsey smirked.

Angel pushed his way past the overwhelming guilt he was experiencing. "Gunn!" He yelled. When Gunn opened the door, Angel pulled Lindsey up by the collar. "Take him to the basement and lock him in the cage. Use the video camera to keep an eye on him. I don't want him to be able to hear any thing. If that means knocking him out, do it." The vampire instructed smiling his own evil smile at the way the lawyer blanched.

"You can't keep me here!" Lindsey yelled as Gunn pulled him out of the office and toward the basement door.

As soon as Angel heard the basement door slam shut, he sank down onto his chair and dropped his head in his hands. He moaned. "What have I done?"

Tapping a finger on his chin, Wesley considered the problem for a moment. Thinking over what Lindsey said, he realized something important. He sat on the corner of the desk and faced Angel. "You let Spike save the world once, now it's your turn. It means that you will be on hand when the Senior Partners make their move towards their own apocalypse. They may even delay it in favor of continuing to try to remove you from their destructive path. What we have to do now is make sure that they do not get their hands on Spike. We have to figure out how to release him from the amulet and get his memory back. It could be that the reason he has such a reaction to your voice and name is because he is connected to the amulet you were meant to wear. I have the feeling that the Senior Partners need that amulet. It could be a vital key to their apocalyptic plans."

Angel looked up at his friend hopefully. "Do you think so?" Wes nodded. "Then we protect Spike, Jake and Susan. Wolfram and Hart cannot find out where they are." The dark vampire made a silent vow not to let his Childe down again.

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Jake and Susan sat at the kitchen table nursing cups of coffee. Will hadn't gotten up yet. It was still only midmorning so they didn't expect to see the vampire for a couple more hours. Susan told her cousin Wesley's last revelation. Jake nodded his head. He'd figured as much. He'd been convinced that Will was special from the beginning. Hearing that the vampire had saved the world came as no surprise. Will was an innocent soul and Jake had vowed to protect him. If that meant that he stayed in Jake's house away from the rest of the world forever so be it. The only drawback to that plan was the resurgence of his memory. It was making him doubt his very existence. It seemed now that they would have to allow the people who loved and missed the vampire access to him. The only problem Jake would see was deciding whether or not it would harm Will to reunite him with his loved ones. The cousins had already decided that Angel was not to come near their friend. They were not willing to expose him to that kind of pain.

A couple of hours later, Jake had already shown the new portraits to Susan. She raved over the larger one. She was in the process of begging her favorite cousin into letting her take the canvases back to LA with her when an amused voice disrupted their mock argument.

"Give it up, Mate. You know she's just gonna wear you down with that whine she gets when she thinks we're being difficult." Will wandered in and kissed Susan on the top of her head, taking the chair next to her. "That's how she got the first three."

Susan bowed her head. "I'm sorry. I just thought that maybe someone who knows you would see them and help you get your memory back. It worked but I never wanted to cause you pain."

"It's all right, Pet." Will was quick to reassure her. "I appreciate the effort. I'd like to know what happened to me, how I got into that bloody amulet in the first place. Finding out how a vampire got into heaven has got to be a good story."

Susan gazed at him in awe. "What?" He asked, suddenly nervous.

"You saved the world." She said quietly.

"Bollocks. Vampires don't save the world, Luv, they destroy it." He protested, unnerved by her pronouncement.

"You also have a soul." Jake added, earning yet another disbelieving stare from Will.

Seeing the truth shining in both pair of gray eyes, the vampire got up and began to pace thoughtfully. "That would certainly explain some things." He stopped and looked at Jake with haunted eyes. "Guess you're right, Mate. I mean, how many souled vampires could there be in this world?"

He moved over to the refrigerator and got out a packet of blood, dumped it into a mug and shoved it into the microwave. His mind struggled to process the new information. He'd saved the world? How? He braced his arms on the counter and bent his head so that his chin nearly rested on his chest. Susan and Jake watched him worriedly. When the microwave beeped he ignored it for a few seconds. He heaved a huge unneeded breath and retrieved the mug. He walked back to the table and sat down again.

He sipped the red fluid slowly, still thinking. Reaching a decision, he looked at both his friends. "I want to meet them." He said. "Those people who know me. I want to meet them. Not the vampire, the others. The girls."

Susan nodded. "They love you a lot." She told him.

His smile was brilliant. "Really?" He glanced up quickly and then back down into his mug, uncertainty shone in his dark blue eyes.

Susan gazed at him. She looked at the handsome face with its sharp cheekbones and full lower lip. Thick dark lashes framed his sapphire eyes and his deep voice with its precise British accent made her knees weak. Her private opinion was that his smile should be declared a lethal weapon. His muscular body clad in his customary snug black t-shirt and equally snug black jeans was something any healthy woman would fantasize about. All in all, this was one luscious package and if she hadn't already loved him as a brother, she would have been willing to risk her heart on him. She envied the woman he was sure to love and, if her instincts were correct, that woman would be Buffy.

She reached over and ran her fingers through his tousled curls, still damp from his shower. "Yes, really." She smiled. She picked up her cup and finished her coffee. "I need to call Wesley and see if we can figure out a safe way to do this."

"Why do we need to worry about safety?" Will wondered.

Jake got up for more coffee. He carried Will's empty mug to the sink and got him a fresh cup for coffee. Taking it and the pot back to the table, he thought about it.

"I get the feeling that we need to." He said, knowing that it wasn't a very satisfactory answer but it was the only one he had. Susan and Will both nodded. They both knew to respect Jake's 'feelings'.

Susan pulled her cell phone and Wesley's card from her jeans pocket. She dialed the cell phone number printed on the small white card. After just a couple of rings the former watcher answered.

"Hi Wes." She greeted him.

"Hello. How are you today?" Wes carefully avoided using her name.

Noting the caution in his voice, she merely answered, "Fine." And waited.

"I need to discuss new developments in your case but not on the phone. We need to meet. There is an email address on my card, if you could contact me on it, I will give you more details." Wes requested.

"Okay." Susan agreed nervously.

"Thank you." The young Englishman hung up abruptly.

"What was that all about?" Will asked. His vampire hearing had caught both sides of the conversation.

"I guess Jake's feeling is on the mark as usual." She said.

They all went into Jake's room to his computer desk and logged onto the Internet. She used the email address on the card to send a quick message to Wesley, careful not to mention any names. Signing the message with a simple 'S'. The answer came back almost immediately asking Susan to meet him at the 'same coffee place'. It was vague enough to confuse anyone who may intercept the message but Wes was aware that Susan would know exactly where he meant. She sent back a message giving him an equally vague answer indicating she would meet him at the same time as before.

Knowing she had to leave in order to meet Wes on time, she kissed both men and left for her meeting.

Will stood at the kitchen door and watched her Jeep as it navigated the gravel driveway. He sent up a thought to whoever it was that listened to vampires for her to be kept safe. He closed the door thoughtfully and turned a steady gaze to Jake.

"I'm not worth it." Will whispered.

Jake's head snapped up. "Don't ever let me hear you say that again." He hissed. "I told you last night, you're special. Now we know why. You saved the world. My God! Do you know what that means?"

Will studied the floor and shook his head.

"It means that you're a hero, a champion. The only reason anyone exists is because of you. You are so worth it." Jake told the startled vampire.

"I have to think." Will said and beat a retreat down to the basement gym.


	14. Innocence

Innocence

Disclaimer: Want to own them all, don't though.

Summary: At last they meet. Will he remember?

Reviews: I got a hundred of them on this fic! WOOHOO!! Thank you sooo much! You guys are the best! Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!!!!

A/N: Was going to wait a bit before posting again but once more the fingers typed and the people craved the attention.

WayWard Childe: Dude! Can I have a Bloody Bear? Trade you some good luck bears and a small Eeyore. Those elves sound a bit scary though.

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Wesley and Susan huddled together in a secluded booth in the back of the café. They faced the door so that they could see anyone who came in. Fairly certain that they were safe, they made plans. Wes made a quick phone call and turned to Susan.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

She nodded, her chestnut hair swinging across her back. "Let me call Jake and warn them." Wes nodded. She pulled her cell phone out and pushed the speed dial.

"Hello?"

"Jake. How's Will?" Susan asked her cousin.

"He's in the basement thinking, which also involves beating up the punching bag. He's having some difficulty coping with the whole 'saving the world' thing." Jake said quietly.

Susan frowned. "He doesn't think it's true?"

"It's not that. He just doesn't think he's worth all this fuss that's kicking up over his being alive." Jake explained.

"I guess we have to change his mind." Susan declared.

"How?" Jake shoved his fingers through his straight hair.

Susan paused. "I'm going to bring him some company. I'm bringing Wes, Dawn and Buffy up. He said he wanted to meet them. Do you want to tell him or should we surprise him?"

"I'll tell him. I don't think he can handle too many more surprises." Jake decided.

"We'll see you in a while." Susan deliberately didn't mention how long it would take to get there.

Wes paid their check while Susan brought her Jeep around. He got in and they quickly left. He guided her on a circuitous route to Buffy and Dawn's apartment. He kept a sharp eye out for anyone following. He knew that Wolfram and Hart still didn't know that their amulet had returned bringing with it a bonus vampire. He'd filled Susan in on their conversation with Lindsey and she had agreed that they couldn't be too cautious.

As agreed, Buffy and Dawn were waiting by the curb. It only took a few seconds for the sisters to pile in and Susan to put the car back into motion. Dawn was nearly beside herself with joy.

"We're really going to see Spike?" She asked excitedly. "God, Buffy! It's true. He's alive and we're going to see him. I can't wait. Isn't Angel going?"

Wesley turned to look at the girls occupying the back seat. "No, Angel isn't going. The mention of his name gives Will a migraine. Angel and I decided it would not be a good thing right now. When we find out why Will has that reaction then Angel will see him. Will doesn't know he used to be called 'Spike'. He does know, however, that he did save the world and has a soul. He's having a little difficulty coping with this new knowledge. For some reason he feels he's not worth the fuss that's being made over him. He's had a very quiet life for the past four months. He watches television, plays the guitar, reads and works out in the basement gym. He's content with animal blood and has no desire to snack on humans. He's stated that activities vampires normally indulge in like torturing and killing people actually make him nauseous."

Buffy's attention was caught by one small detail. "He reads?" She asked disbelievingly.

Dawn shoved an elbow into her sister's ribs. "Yes, he reads. He's wicked smart. He used to devour books. During that summer you were gone, he read every book he could get his hands on. I'm not going to tell you what he prefers. I don't want you making fun of him."

Wes's blue eyes met Dawn's in a conspiratorial glance. He smiled.

Buffy thought about that for a while. She remembered something she'd seen once while they were indulging in their ill-fated affair. She burst in on him once while he was reading. He'd set the book aside and she'd forgotten about it until now. She gotten a quick look at the title just before she'd left him, it had been a book of poetry. She'd been startled but had quickly forgotten about it as yet another crisis popped up to make her life difficult.

"I saw him reading once. It was poetry. I didn't think too much about it at the time. Something came up and I forgot." Buffy mused. She got offended. "I wouldn't make fun of him! I love him. I think it's sweet."

Susan kept an eye on her passengers while she drove. She was hoping with all her heart that she wasn't making a mistake taking these people to see her innocent Will. They knew things about him he didn't know. As much as she wanted him to have his memories back, she was afraid of what those memories would do to his peaceful soul.

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Jake opened the basement door and called out to his housemate. "Will!"

"Yeah, Mate?" The vampire came up the stairs two at a time. "What's up?"

"Suzy's on her way back." Jake told him.

"Great. I knew she'd come right back for those new portraits. Be here in a couple of hours right?" Will moved gracefully over to the refrigerator and got out a beer. Popping the top, he settled at the table.

"Yeah, she will." Jake got himself a cold beer and joined the vampire. He studied the wood grain of the tabletop for a moment.

"What's going on?" Will asked when the silence stretched out.

Jake looked over at his friend. "She's bringing those girls with her and a guy. He works with that vampire. Some things have come up and we decided maybe we should let them come and visit you."

Will nodded. "That's good. I'm interested in hearing what they have to say. I need to know." He looked at the table. "But I'm scared to. You know?"

The artist gazed at Will in sympathy. "The unknown is always scary. Just remember, it's not really the unknown, it's your life. Your past. Everything is buried in that head of yours, we just have to bring it out. I just hope…"

Will brought his gaze up sharply. "Hope what?"

"I just hope that it doesn't hurt you. You weren't always this way. You didn't always have a soul. I don't what the memories of how you used to be to cause you pain." Jake explained carefully.

"I'm thinking that I may have come to terms with however violent my past may have been. I just want to know how I got to the point that I was saving the world." He shook his head. "A vampire that saved the world, how messed up is that?"

"Not as messed up as it may seem." Jake tried to assure his friend. "Now, how about we go see how bad Manchester United is getting stomped?"

"There's a game on? Why the Bloody Hell are we in here wasting time?" Will stood up to move into the living room. "And I'll have you know that Manchester U never gets stomped."

He turned the television on and quickly found the proper channel. "They just have bad days when they don't score as much as they should." He finished as he noticed that his favorite soccer team was indeed losing their current match.

"Riiiight." Jake drawled as they settled down on the sofa to watch, happy he'd managed to distract the vampire from his impending visitors.

After the game, Will decided he needed to clean up before Susan got there with the visitors. He'd worked out hard in the basement and wanted another shower. The game had distracted him and he'd lost track of time so Susan, Wesley, Dawn and Buffy arrived with he was still in the shower. Jake figured that was a good thing.

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Susan drove for almost two hours, stopping only once for an extra large order of chicken wings. Finally, she pulled off thehighway onto a long winding gravel road. She stopped at a set of gates that blocked the entrance. Touching a remote, she waited as the electric motor pulled the massive gates open. Wesley observed with interest the ten-foot wrought iron fence with its sharp spikes that seemed to meld with the forested property. It seemed as secure as a fort. As soon as she drove through, she stopped and pushed the remote again, making sure the gates were completely closed and no one had followed her through before driving on. All of the guests noticed the snow covering the ground around them. It appeared that Spike now lived at the top of a mountain, secure on a secluded property surrounded by fencing fit for a castle. The road contunued to wind for several miles up the mountain until they saw a large rambling house nestled among the snow-covered evergreens.

Jake was getting dinner together when they arrived. He turned as they came through the door. He got the impression of cool British reserve from the man Suzy introduced as Wesley. Gangly arms and legs, big blue eyes and boundless joy was how he perceived Dawn. Buffy gave off the aura of delicate strength. He could tell she was not a normal girl.

Susan finished the introductions and looked around. "Where's Will?"

"In the shower. He wanted to clean up after his 'thinking' earlier. While we wait do you want to see the new paintings?" He asked, gesturing toward the studio.

"Oh! I do." Dawn was quick to agree. Buffy merely nodded, her green eyes scanning her surroundings as if memorizing how her vampire was living.

"Yes, please. That would be lovely." Wesley told him.

They were struck speechless at the sight of the last portrait. Jake had titled it 'Innocence'. In the portrait Will was outside in the middle of the yard, his arms outstretched, head thrown back in pure joy. He had his duster on and it swirled out around him as he spun in a delighted circle. He was standing in the middle of a snowstorm and the huge smile on his handsome face was blinding in its own right. The large heavy snowflakes falling all around him provided stark contrast to the black of his clothes and his coat. The sky was heavily overcast making it safe for the vampire to be out in the late afternoon. Tall snow covered evergreen trees surrounded the yard and provided a backdrop for the vampire. The simplicity of the green and white background made the figure in black stand out sharply. The painting was breath taking.

Jake broke the awed silence. "Right after I took the picture, he threw snowballs at me. He's got a wicked arm on him."

The others laughed at the image of Spike in a snowball fight.

Dawn noticed the other canvas. "That's just how I remember him. He spent so much time doing just that when Buffy was gone." Her huge eyes drank in the sight of her favorite vampire.

Will interrupted their contemplation of the portraits. "Hey, Suzy-Cutie I heard your Jeep pull up. Did you bring my wings?" He called from the kitchen.

Dawn pushed past everyone and ran into the other room. She skidded to a stop three feet away from him and held out the bag she still had in her hand. "I've got them." She said softly.

Will stared at the teenager in front of him. He took in the heart-shaped face, the big blue eyes and the long chocolaty brown hair. Her scent made its way to his nose and he inhaled, sparking a memory. His sapphire eyes caught her crystal gaze. A word swam its way to the front of his mind. He knew without a doubt the word had something to do with the pretty girl before him. Time seemed to stop as the others made their way into the kitchen. He took a deep unneeded breath while everyone else held theirs.

"Niblet." He whispered.


	15. Familiar

Familiar

Disclaimer: Wish they were mine, I'd still have them on the air.

Summary: It's all so familiar but does he remember?

Reviews: Yes, please. Live for em, they keep the muse happy and the story humming. Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!!

A/N: Yes, I know it's short and yes, I know I'm evil incarnate.

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Dawn's breath caught when she heard that longed-for nickname. She'd dreamed of this moment, never once letting herself hope it could actually happen. She stood unnaturally still just three feet away from Spike…no…Will. She reminded herself. She held the bag of wings out almost as a peace offering. Fighting to keep her hand steady as the reality hit her. He wasn't gone. He was here almost close enough to touch. Her crystal gaze held his sapphire one steadily, praying that he did remember her.

Will tilted his head; he felt he should know this girl. He took a tentative step forward, accepting the fragrant package with a nod. He placed it on the table and inched fractionally closer to the teen. He raised a slender hand and brushed her cheek with gentle fingers. She closed her eyes and leaned into the touch.

Will felt a tingle at the back of his neck. A warning. A feeling that was as old as vampires. He dragged his gaze away from the girl before him. Looking around the room, he attempted to pinpoint the source of his sudden unease. There. He saw her. A petite blonde staring at him as if he were the answer to all her prayers, not unlike the way the brunette teenager in front of him had. Suddenly the tingle was no longer just a warning. It was more than that. Another word struggled its way to the surface of his mind. His face vamped involuntarily.

"Slayer." He growled quietly.

"Vampire." She answered just as quietly. Her green eyes joyful at the sight of the man she loved.

Will's game face faded away at the sound of her voice. _That voice_. It was the one from his dreams, his nightmares. The same voice that told him something vital every night. Suddenly Will began to tremble, his lean body quaking as yet another shock invaded his entire system. The hand that had been almost frozen against Dawn's face shook violently. The surprised teenager lifted her hand and clasped it around his shaking fingers.

The spell that had kept everyone in place was now broken. Wesley hung back feeling as if he were witnessing something intensely personal. Susan and Jake rushed over to assist Will, guiding him to a chair and helping him sit down before backing away to give him some space. The cousins clung to each other, fear for their friend flooding them. Dawn kept a hold on his hand and knelt next to him.

"Are you okay?" She unconsciously echoed the question she'd asked so long ago on the night Buffy had returned from the dead. He had the same stunned look on his face that he'd had that night.

He nodded absently, grateful for the calming grasp of her warm fingers. "I'm fine, Bit." He said, unaware of the use of yet another nickname he'd had for her. She noticed and caught her breath. He heard the intake and glanced at her in bewilderment.

"D…do you remember me?" Dawn asked hesitantly.

Will closed his eyes, concentrating. "You feel familiar, you know? Like I know you but I don't know how or why I do. I'm sorry. It's the best I can do." He looked back down at her kneeling next to him, offering her a slight smile of apology.

Dawn returned the smile, nodded and stayed where she was, her warm fingers wrapped around his cool slender hand. Buffy moved over to kneel on the other side of him.

He looked at the woman he instinctively knew was dangerous to his kind, but could not help but feel she had been far more than just an adversary to him.

"What about me? Do I feel familiar?" Buffy asked quietly.

Will's entire body reacted again to the sound of her voice. He gulped in unnecessary breaths as he fought to control the tremors coursing through his system.

"Oh, yes. I'd say familiar quite describes it." He told her shakily. "I hear you every night. Your voice is the only thing I remember of my dreams, of my nightmares. I haven't had a complete day or night of sleeping in weeks. I just can't recall what it is you tell me…every…night…in…my…dreams." He finished slowly, losing himself in her misty green eyes.

"I love you." Buffy whispered, repeating what she'd told him every night in her own dreams for the past six months.

"No, you don't. But thanks for saying it." Will automatically answered before he realized what it was he was saying. His eyes widened as he looked at her, shocked once more.

"Yes, I do." She countered gently.

He had no answer for that. His overloaded senses betrayed him. Darkness began to blur the edges of his vision so he did the only thing there was left to do, he slid into oblivion for the third time in as many days. Quietly and without any pain, he toppled over into Buffy's loving arms.


	16. Waiting

Waiting

Disclaimer: Don't own them, just using them for my own evil purposes.

Summary: Everyone is waiting but do they know what they're waiting for?

Reviews: I seriously adore everyone who has given me such awesome reviews. You guys are what make the writing so fulfilling. Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!

WayWard Childe: The sincerity of your review left me breathless. Thank you for leaving me such a sweet compliment.

A/N: I wasn't sure where I was going with this when I started it. My brain was still kind of fried from the last chapter. But it just kinda went in its own direction and this is what you get. It got a little intense toward the end. Hope you like it.

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Angel was driving Cordelia crazy. Not just the everyday broody morose 'because I'm a vampire with a soul' kind of crazy. This was different. He paced, he raged, he walked over to check the door every five minutes and made her insane from the waiting. Wesley had been gone for more than four hours and apart from the one phone call telling them he was going with Susan to take Buffy and Dawn to see Spike, they had heard nothing from him. As much as she loved Angel, she was beginning to feel that if he didn't calm down and do it soon…well… she would stake him.

"Angel!" She called, watching him stalk over to the front door yet again.

"What?" He asked distractedly.

"Why don't you go out and kill something?" She suggested. "He'll call when he can."

He merely growled and continued to pace.

Gunn and Fred came in the front door. Fred was giggling at a joke and Gunn carried a take out bag for Cordy. She accepted it with a smile and sat down to devour the spicy tacos. She checked the monitor, ensuring their captive was still asleep, he was. She set several items aside for him, she didn't like him but she wasn't the type to starve anyone.

Fred busied herself straightening up the kitchen. Angel had torn through it a couple of hours before, heating some blood and had left an uncharacteristic mess. Fred mused that a lot of things about Angel recently were unlike him. She heard him roaming the hotel at night. She knew he had nightmares. He'd had them for six months, ever since that other vampire, Spike, had died.

Finishing in the kitchen she wandered into the lobby. Her large dark eyes followed Angel as he paced. She wished she could do something to help but there were some things that physics just couldn't do. She would like to have gotten a better look at the amulet that was now at the center of so much anxiety but time had been of the essence. Now she regretted not making Angel slow down so she could examine it. She was just hoping for another chance to take a look at it and maybe figure out how and why it appeared to be holding Spike and his memories captive.

"It's getting late." Cordy stated.

"Yeah. So?" Angel gazed in her direction but didn't really see her.

"So. I'm going to go to bed." She told him. She was tired. Tired of his attitude and tired of waiting.

"Good night." Angel said absently from his position next to the door.

She huffed in exasperation and stormed up the stairs. Gunn gazed after her in sympathy. He took over the desk chair and continued to monitor Lindsey. He knew they needed to question the lawyer more the next day but for now he was willing to just watch him on the monitor. A tiny part of Gunn felt sorry for the man but only a very tiny one. He really couldn't drum up much sympathy for the guy who'd tried to steal Angel's soul by resurrecting Darla. As big as the evil law firm was, you'd think they'd have their facts straight before attempting something so dumb. Didn't they know that when Angel's witch friend Willow had restored his soul she'd changed that one word? She had said 'restore' not 'curse'. So Angel's soul had been restored, not cursed. As in no happiness clause, no losing it.

Still, it had been a bad time all around until Angel had finally staked his Sire/GrandChilde again. Drusilla had fled, once more proving beyond a doubt that she was no longer as insane as everyone thought. It had been months before the vampire had come to some sort of terms with the whole debacle. Lindsey had been in trouble with his bosses for a while but had redeemed himself somewhat by handing Angel the amulet that would have removed him from Wolfram and Hart's way.

Angel's grief over losing his Childe had kept him off Evil Incorporated's radar for a while but now it seemed that things would heat up all over again. Gunn shrugged and began a new crossword puzzle, keeping one eye on the monitor ensuring their captive could not move without being seen.

After a few minutes, Gunn shook his shaved head. He would never begin to understand vampire lore. At one time he'd thought the only thing he wanted to know about vampires was how to kill them. Now there seemed to be a daily lesson. Sometimes he still thought it would be easier to just dust them. But then, he liked Angel and now that Angel Investigations was doing so much better, the pay was decent, even if the hours were a little wonky. Deciding he'd done enough reflecting for one day, he turned his attention to figuring out the answer to thirty-two across.

Angel stalked over to the sofa. Fred walked over and placed a small hand on his arm.

"I'm going up now too. Can I get you anything first?" She asked in her quiet Texas drawl.

He shook his head, forcing a smile for her. "No, thanks. Sleep well." He told her.

"It will be all right." She assured him.

"I hope so." He said.

She smiled suddenly. "You know this is going to cost you."

Angel tilted his head in puzzlement. "How?"

"Cordy's going to go shopping tomorrow because you ignored her." Fred revealed seriously, with a sparkle in her brown gaze.

Angel smiled for real this time. "I guess I've been kinda horrible."

"Yeah, kinda." She agreed. "But you'll make it up to her."

Angel shook his dark head mournfully. "Not looking forward to it."

She grinned. "Yes, you are."

A glint appeared in his dark eyes. "Yes, I am." He agreed.

Gunn picked up the phone on the first ring. "Angel Investigations, we help the… Hi Wes. Yeah, he's right here." He handed the receiver to the vampire who'd used preternatural speed to cross the room. The young man strolled over to Fred and gave her a hug.

"I got lawyer watch tonight, Babe." He told her with a kiss.

She placed a small hand on his face. "It's okay. I'll see you in the morning." They kissed again and turned to Angel as he hung up the phone.

"It is Spike. He recognized Dawn and Buffy but the shock caused him to pass out again. They're waiting for him to wake up now." He stretched. "I'm tired. Think I'll go to bed for a bit. Gunn, wake me up in a couple of hours and I'll 'lawyer watch' for you."

Gunn grinned. "Thanks, man. Will do. Sleep good now."

Angel walked Fred up the stairs. They separated on the third floor where she went into her own room and he continued on to the top floor. He'd relocated to the farthest room he had so his midnight disturbances wouldn't bother the rest. He stretched out on the bed and relaxed, or tried to. He still couldn't believe it. Spike was alive. Finally he drifted into a light sleep.

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Wesley returned to the table, closing his cell phone. Everyone was talking idly in the wake of the truly delicious lasagna that Jake had prepared. The artist had made sure he saved a portion for Will claiming it was one of his favorite dishes. Dawn had smiled at the care Jake took of the vampire. For a long time, before his soul, the teenager had felt she was the only one who gave a damn about Spike so she was happy to find someone else who did.

'Two someones.' She thought happily, noticing how Susan also considered the vampire. She'd put the wings away, refusing to let Jake have any until Spike could wake up and share them. She knew she needed to start thinking of him as 'Will' but couldn't seem to. Spike was her best friend and Spike is the one she'd mourned for six months. She'd spent some time before his death angry at Spike, she'd actually threatened to set him on fire, but had gotten over it. She was thrilled she finally had a chance to let him know.

Once everyone had gotten over the shock of seeing him keel over, they had carefully moved him onto the sofa. Jake had mentioned that this was different from the other times he'd passed out. He didn't appear to be in any pain. All in all that was considered of the good. Now it was just a matter of him waking up. Every few minutes one of them would go into the living room and check on the sleeping vampire. They seemed to rotate their turns. Buffy had gone in a couple of times. Jake had made the trip several times and Susan had checked on him again just a few minutes ago. Dawn had spent quite a while just looking at him until dinner had been announced. Now she sat only half listening to the conversation around her. Most of her attention was on her newly recovered best friend.

Knowing smiles were traded across the table when Dawn's distraction was noticed. They watched as she got up and absently walked into the living room to sit on the coffee table. She watched the unnaturally still form stretched out before her with bemused joy. Slowly it occurred to her that he was no longer still. His body was becoming restless.

_He wandered into the empty house, wondering where everyone was. He noticed the disturbed furniture in the small living room. He entered the room to investigate more, stopping next to the sofa. A scent lingered in the air. Death. The whole place smelled of death. Fear shot through his unbeating heart. The Slayer? No. He'd know if it were her. The Little Bit? Again, it didn't feel right. His thoughts stuttered to a stop. Joyce. She'd been ill. The doctors had assured his girls that their mum was fine. Apparently doctors in this century were as incompetent has they had been in his own. Anger chased the fear away followed quickly by anguish. 'Not her! Not now!' The denial roared through his mind. He sank to his knees, a howl of pain erupting from his throat. He buried his head in the sofa cushions where her scent was the strongest. "Joyce." He moaned. His tears soaked the fabric beneath his face._

"Joyce." Silent tears sliding down his temples into the pillow cushioning his head accompanied the heartbreaking sound. Dawn jumped in startled haste to let the others know what was going on. Jake was the first to reach the sleeping vampire, having dealt with similar disturbances more than once. Gently placing a hand on Will's shoulder, he tried to calm the increasing restlessness.

_Joy pounded through his body. She was back. Walking down the stairs, hiding her bleeding hands behind her back. Bloody Hell! She'd dug herself out of her own grave. He shuddered as memories of doing the very same thing ripped through him. Over one hundred years later he still had nightmares of waking up inside his own coffin. Empathy surged and he extended a caring hand to her. Gently leading her over to the sofa, he told Dawn to fetch some supplies. Awe filled him as he gazed into her face. He shook himself as he realized she'd asked him a question. "One hundred forty-seven yesterday, one hundred forty-eight today. But today doesn't count does it?"_

"One hundred forty-seven yesterday, one hundred forty-eight today. But today doesn't count does it?" He mumbled, stunning the watching Slayer. She recalled clearly the night she'd returned. He'd been so caring, so gentle. Then the Scoobies had rushed in and he'd melted away leaving her alone and bereft.

The talking continued, clearer than it had previously been. They could all tell he was still asleep, making the statements all the more chilling.

"I was warm, safe. I was happy. I knew that everyone I loved was okay. I was at peace. I was in heaven. And now I'm not. I don't know how or why. I don't even know who I am. Please. Can someone explain it? Can someone tell…me…WHY??" Deep unneeded breaths hitched as his agitation increased. "THANKS FOR LETTING ME DIE, SIRE." The last was yelled as Will sat up on the sofa, tears streaming from his now open but unseeing eyes.

Over one hundred miles away, Angel bolted upright in his bed. "THANKS FOR LETTING ME DIE, SIRE." The accusation rang in the darkness.


	17. Nicknames

Nicknames

Disclaimer: Let's see. I own Jake, Susan, lots of carousel horses and wishing I had some candy corn.

Summary: Just a little fluffy bit before we jump back into some danger and more angst.

Reviews: Oh yes, please. Love, adore, worship all reviewers. Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!

A/N: Imzadi, sweetie, this is my little world and in it I never watched Angel very much so I know next to nothing about Lindsey. If you have any suggestions about how I can redeem him, please use the email in my profile and send them to me. (If you leave them in a review it would spoil the story for everyone else) I would welcome any help you can give me. Thanks for your continued support even though I disappointed you with the part Lindsey was in.

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Jake grasped Will's shoulders and shook him lightly. "Will! Wake up, Buddy."

Will gasped. His eyes remained unfocused. "Bloody Hell! Watcher, get the Whelp away from me. Trying to sleep here. Gonna make a snack of him yet!" He snarled, his accent again completely different from the cultured tones Jake and Susan were used to.

Every thing they had heard in the last few minutes completely dispelled any doubts Buffy and Dawn may have had. Hearing him rant about being in Heaven dredged up very painful memories for both Summers girls. Tears hovered in their eyes at the sound of their vampire's pain. Smiles fought to the surface at his use of the word 'Whelp'. Buffy realized she needed to call Willow, Xander and Giles at the first opportunity.

"Will! Wake up!" Jake raised his voice fractionally. The vampire slumped for a moment, his sapphire eyes closing. He inhaled sharply as his eyes snapped open. He groaned as he noticed his audience.

"Please tell me I didn't say anything embarrassing." Will pleaded, his voice once again refined. He raised a shaking hand to wipe away the lingering moisture.

Buffy blinked back her tears. "No. You didn't say anything we could profit from." She teased gently.

Jake noted with immense relief that Will's tremors did not return with the sound of Buffy's voice.

The young vampire smiled briefly before realizing just what she said. "How about the non-profit bits then?"

Buffy shook her head. "We'll talk about that later."

He nodded. Tilting his head, his eyes sought out Susan. "Suzy-Cutie, did you let Picasso eat all my wings?" Jake glared at his housemate. Will knew full well Susan wouldn't let him have any of the wings if Will wasn't there.

"No, Honey. Your wings are safe. Dawn and I made sure of it." Susan assured him.

Will studied the brunette teenager once more sitting on the coffee table. "Thanks, Bit." He smiled. She beamed as she heard the nickname.

Susan noticed Wesley sliding back into the kitchen and followed him. Wesley wished he still wore glasses so he would have something to do with his hands, then realized just how Giles-like it seemed. He made a mental note to call the elder former watcher soon.

"Dear Lord." He breathed. "His memories are there. All of them. Something is blocking them from surfacing to his conscious mind."

Susan watched him. "I have questions." She said.

Wesley nodded. "I'll bet you do."

Jake backed off and let Will have breathing space. He went into the kitchen and began clearing the table to make a place for Will to come in and eat. He efficiently moved about loading the dishwasher and removing a packet of blood from the refrigerator, pouring it into a mug and stuffing it into the microwave to heat. He got out the leftover lasagna and got it ready to heat as well. Susan noticed that her cousin's hands were shaking and went over to him, putting her arms around him in a warm hug.

"It's okay." She murmured.

Wesley was curious but didn't have time to ask any questions as Will walked in supported by Buffy and Dawn. The vampire had a girl on each side with an arm over each. He appeared a little shaky as the girls guided him to a chair. Jake placed the heated mug on the table.

"Thanks." Will sighed gratefully as he sipped. He beamed when the plate of lasagna was placed in front of him. Finishing the blood quickly, he tucked into the Italian dish eagerly. His strength restored, he looked around at the humans scrutinizing him.

"If you're all quite finished admiring my devilish good looks, we need to sit down and start trying to figure some of this out." Will's statement was pure Spike but with a bit more refinement in his accent. Dawn giggled at the incongruity. He turned innocent sapphire eyes on the teenager.

"And just what is so funny?" He challenged.

She plopped down into the chair next to him and propped an elbow on the table. Settling her head on her hand, she gazed at him with amusement. "You are." She said impertinently, earning a pseudo ferocious frown.

"Just wait til my memory returns. We'll see if there's not some tidbits of information I can find equally amusing." His dark blue eyes sparkled with glee when she shifted uncomfortably. Knowing he'd scored a hit and sorely wishing he knew how, he returned his attention to the others.

"Right then, now that I've got my senses back can we get on with the introductions." Will looked at Wesley. "I don't believe I know you." He said.

Wesley started. "I'm Wesley Wyndham Price. I work with…um…the vampire who bought the paintings." He stumbled in his sentence trying not to mention Angel's name. "I have heard a lot about you however. As a matter of fact, I did my graduate thesis on you at the Watcher's Academy." He revealed.

Will stared at him for a moment. "Is that a fact?" He asked in bemusement. Wes nodded, suddenly wishing he hadn't said that. "And just which me would that have been?" Will wanted to know. He lounged back in his chair and waited; looking every inch the master vampire that Wesley had spent so much time researching.

Wesley cleared his throat and wondered how to tell him without mentioning Angel. "It would have been the vampire who terrorized Europe over a hundred years ago." He finally settled on.

Will nodded. "And what was I called back then?"

The former Watcher sought help from Jake. When the artist nodded, he answered. "You were first known as 'William the Bloody' after that you went by just 'Spike'."

Will stared at Wesley. They were all stunned by his reaction. He started to laugh. "You're joking." He accused.

A smile formed on Wesley's handsome face. He shook his head. "Actually, I'm not."

Will attempted to control his chuckles. "And what would a vampire do to become known as 'Spike'." He asked rather unsteadily.

Wes sobered. "He…um…used to…ah…torture his victims by driving a…railroad spike…through their…um…skulls." He explained hesitantly watching the vampire closely for any adverse reaction to the disclosure.

Will sobered as well. He looked a little ill at the thought. "How…imaginative." His voice was strained.

"Yes, well. According to my research, the only ones who received such treatment were a small group of people who were believed to be acquaintances of William before he was turned." Wes wasn't sure the new information was any more helpful.

Will looked thoughtful. "I wonder what they did to him." He questioned softly. Wesley was curious about why Will referred to the human William in the third person.

Will turned his pensive gaze to Dawn. "What did you call me?" He asked gently.

The teenager watched him carefully. "I called you 'Spike'. You were my best friend." She said.

He nodded. "And I called you 'Niblet'." He stated before frowning. "You had a vampire as a best friend?"

She nodded, her dark hair swinging with the motion. "Sometimes you called me Little Bit, Platelet or Bitesize." She chattered. "You had all kinds of nicknames for me.

He smiled suddenly. "Did all of them have to do with snacking?"

She thought about that. "I think so. Wonder why." She grinned at him.

"Must have been a vampire thing." He mused. His sapphire gaze settled on Buffy. "What about you? What did you call me?"

"Mostly I called you a pain in the ass." She grinned. "Then I called you 'Spike'."

Will had a sudden urge to take the beautiful blonde in his arms. "Well, Goldilocks, I couldn't have been too big a pain in the ass. You never staked me."

"Oh, believe me. You were. I never did figure out why I couldn't dust you." Buffy told him, her green eyes sparkling at the once hated nickname. "I see you still nickname everyone around you." She observed.

He thought about that for a second. "You're right. Guess some habits never die." He remembered what he'd wanted to discuss. He turned to Jake.

"Why don't you go get your notebook so we can go over what old Spike is saying in my sleep." He suggested. He turned to Susan. "I've been thinking." Buffy and Dawn exchanged a look.

"What? Didn't I think before?" He demanded.

Buffy snickered. "You did. It just never panned out very well. Your plans always kinda…flopped."

He grinned. "Not big on the planning then, eh? So we're safe. I was just remembering what Jake said about the amulet. It was glowing during my last migraine. I think Suzy should bring it in here so we can keep an eye on it. If it starts to make like a light bulb, we can derail the train of thought causing it. That way I avoid the whole fried brain problem. Which is really getting old, I don't mind telling you."

"Good idea." Buffy admitted. Susan rushed into Will's room and retrieved the amulet. Buffy and Will both recoiled from it. That last time Buffy had seen it, it had been incinerating the man she loved. The same man who was sitting in front of her now. Will hadn't really paid much attention to it in the past four months. He knew he'd rematerialized from it, other than that he knew close to nothing about it.

Jake returned with the notebook. He sat down and quickly added the latest subconscious statements the vampire had uttered.

Wesley sat down next to the artist and quietly asked to read the notebook. As soon as he was finished writing, Jake pushed it along the table to the Englishman.

Wes flipped the pages to the beginning and perused the contents intently. His handsome face remained impassive as he quickly scanned the contents of the large spiral. Internally he was far from calm. It was all there. In disjointed words and phrases to be sure, but Spike's history was written down in the book. To anyone who was unaware of Spike and his past, it would be nothing but unintelligible ramblings. Wes knew better, he'd researched Spike and his vampire family. He also knew Angel quite well, so it made sense. Drusilla was mentioned more than once. Angel and Angelus both appeared frequently. Buffy, Dawn, their mother, Xander, Willow, Giles and pretty much everyone from Spike's past were there. His memories were indeed intact, somehow being suppressed by something. Wesley silently vowed to help the young vampire get his unlife back. A chill went through him as he remembered Wolfram and Hart. There were formidable obstacles ahead.

"Well, Watcher? Find anything good?" Will asked when the silence became almost unbearable.

Wesley's head shot up at the nickname. "Yes, well. It's all here. It seems you've done quite a lot of sleep talking. But I'm not sure how to go about helping you bring it out of your subconscious. Jake, you've done a marvelous job of writing all this down. This will be a tremendous asset." He noticed the clock on the stove.

"It's very late. Maybe we should retire and start fresh tomorrow." He suggested. His cell phone rang. He answered it cautiously. "Hello."

Listening intently, he was stunned by what he heard. "You heard what?" Wesley's blue eyes flew to Will's suddenly paler than normal face. Will's gaze was riveted on the amulet in front of him. His vampiric hearing had allowed him to hear Angel's voice on the tiny phone. The amulet had begun to glow dimly.

"Hang up." Will ground out through clenched teeth. "Now!"


	18. Training

Training

Disclaimer: Now owning candy corn and not much else.

Summary: Okay, so I lied about the danger, at least in this chapter, it's coming though. Guess they weren't quite done with the fluff.

Reviews: Please, please, please. Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!!!

A/N: Some of you think my chapters are rather short with this fic. I'm sorry but I really have no control over that. For those who have been confused, this is (at this point at least) a Spike/Buffy fic. Other pairings will become evident as they decide for themselves who they like. So read and enjoy, try not to worry so much. And don't forget to review!

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Wesley slowly closed his cell phone, his gaze trained on Will's pale face. He tracked the direction of that sapphire stare to the dimly glowing amulet.

"Will? Are you alright?" Wesley risked asking.

"Bloody wonderful." Will hissed. "What did the great Poof want?" His voice was strained, his accent was same the North London cadence that Dawn and Buffy were used to. Not at all the genteel Will-speak that Jake and Susan knew. Everyone froze in their places.

Wesley was afraid to move. Cautiously he spoke again. "He heard what you shouted earlier. What did it mean? 'Thanks for letting me die Sire'?"

A harsh laugh erupted. "The great broody one heard me then? Good! He let me die. It wasn't supposed to be me. The pain. It was supposed to be his. Do you know what it feels like to burn up from the inside? Sunshine went through me, burning me. I saved the bloody world. I went to Heaven, but his gaudy little trinket here pulled me out. Now it wants more. It won't let me remember. It won't even give me my life back. I'm a sodding prisoner! Don't abandon me again! Please! Tell them Watcher…"

Dawn sobbed, startling the mesmerized vampire. He blinked and looked around at the shocked faces in front of him. The amulet's glow faded. Will pushed away from the table violently.

"What happened?" Will looked at each person before turning pleading eyes to Wesley. "What happened?" He repeated desperately.

Wesley cleared his throat. "I'm not sure. You seemed to be hypnotized by the amulet. Your true self appeared."

"How do you know?" Will asked sadly.

"How do I know what?" Wes was confused.

Will scrubbed his hands over his face feeling tremendously stressed. "How do you know it was my true self?"

Buffy stepped forward and took Will's face into her hands, tipping it up to look into his eyes. "It was the you we know and love. As to which is your 'true self' we have yet to determine. I always felt that the Spike I knew was hiding a completely different personality behind his 'Big Bad' image." She said softly holding his gaze with her tearful green one.

Will closed his eyes and leaned into her touch for a moment. Inhaling unsteadily, he realized that Dawn was still crying. He brought both hands up and clasped his cool fingers around Buffy's, pulling them from his face planting a soft kiss on each palm before letting them drop. He stood up and moved to kneel next to the upset teenager. He raised shaking fingers to smooth the moisture from her face.

"Shhhh. Don't cry. It's okay." He tentatively put his arms around her shoulders and patted her back soothingly. She flung her thin arms around his neck and buried her face against his shoulder. He gathered her into his arms and stood. He cast an apologetic look at the others and walked into the living room to sit down on the sofa with the sobbing teen on his lap. He murmured comforting phrases into her hair as he held her. Eventually her sobs decreased to the occasional hiccup as she fell asleep. Moving carefully, he eased her onto the sofa and pulled a blanket over her exhausted form. He pressed a soft kiss onto her forehead and silently went back into the kitchen.

Buffy walked up to Will and slipped her arms around his waist. She'd given up waiting to show him how she felt about him. She loved him and he was back. Automatically, he hugged her back. She glanced up at him. "Is she okay?"

He nodded. "Fine. Fell asleep a few minutes ago. Guess the stress got to her. Sorry. I seem to be making everyone miserable."

Buffy glared at him briefly. "No more of that. No one is miserable. We're just trying to adjust to all the changes we've been through the past few days. In a very short time, we've gone to mourning you to having you back. It's kinda crazy but we're really happy you're here."

He tightened his arms, a little surprised that she was in his embrace. "I guess my body remembers you even if my mind doesn't." He observed.

"Yeah, ain't it great?" Buffy beamed up at him.

Jake, Wesley and Susan watched from their positions at the table. "Will, do you want anything?" Jake asked.

"No, Mate. If I did, I'd get it though. Thanks. You all look a bit knackered. Why don't you call it a night and get some sleep?" Will gazed at his friends in concern.

Wesley nodded. "It's a splendid idea. Do you have room for us or do we need to find a motel?"

Susan stared as Wes in horror. "You are not leaving. There's room. There's a sofa in the studio. Dawn is fine where she is. Will, can Buffy have your bed and you sleep in the basement?" She stopped when Buffy giggled.

"What's so funny, Slayer?" Will growled in her ear.

She shivered at the sensation and the nickname. "You lived in my basement for a while. It just reminded me. That's all."

"Really?" Will looked bemused at the thought.

She nodded, her fragrant hair bobbing under his nose. "I don't want to put you out of your bed."

"Nonsense. I can sleep anywhere. There're several mats on the floor down there. Blanket and pillow and I'll be just great." The vampire assured the petite blonde still in his arms. "Not tired though, think I'll go down and beat up the punching bag for a bit."

Buffy smiled. "Maybe we can train together. See if you still know how to fight."

"Aren't you tired?" Will asked, glancing down at her.

She shook her head. "Slayer stamina. Not much for sleeping."

He nodded. "Okay, go on down and make whatever changes you need. I'll be there in a minute." Buffy headed downstairs.

Will walked around the table and planted a kiss on Susan's cheek. "Thank you for bringing them." He said in her ear. She turned in his arms and hugged him tightly before heading to her room.

Wesley stood up and hovered for a moment. "Will?"

"Yes?" Will turned to the former Watcher.

"We'll figure it out. I promise." Wes said seriously.

"I know." The vampire watched the fellow Brit disappear into the studio.

Jake stood up and gathered the notebook and amulet up from the table. Will watched him with serious dark blue eyes. "Jake."

"Huh?" The artist stopped just inside the door.

"Are you okay?" Will asked. "It's been a really strange day. Have you had any of your feelings?"

Jake gazed at his friend and nodded. His gray eyes were troubled.

"I'm sorry. I wish I'd never come back." Will told him quietly.

Jake jerked in shock. "Don't ever say that."

Will nodded. "Sorry, Mate. Can't help it. Things would have been so much easier for you."

Jake smiled. "But not as much fun. I mean when else was I going to meet a vampire, a slayer and a watcher? What is a watcher by the way?"

"Damned if I know. Guess we'll have to ask, eh?" Will grinned. "Go to bed. I'll see you in the morning and we'll figure some of this out."

Jake nodded and disappeared to his room.

Will followed Buffy into the basement. He noticed with amusement that she'd moved everything to the walls, clearing a space in the center of the floor. She stood casually off to one side and watched him enter the room with happiness shining in her green gaze. He looked around and spotted her standing there watching him.

"This training. We used to do it a lot?" He asked with a wicked gleam in his dark blue eyes. She merely nodded and began to circle him. He stripped off his t-shirt and threw it into a corner.

"Well then Slayer, let's see what you got." He teased. Muscles flexing as he beckoned her to give it her best shot.

She threw a punch at his nose and blinked when he ducked under her swing, spun and forearmed her across the abdomen. She slid back and reassessed her strategy. He smiled and followed her retreat. She ducked his swing and came up with a fist to his chin. His head snapped back and he grinned. Apparently she wasn't the only thing his body remembered. They traded punches for several minutes before mutually deciding to change tactics. She backed up again and tried a roundhouse kick to his face but he grabbed her foot and flipped her over. She spun around and used the momentum to kick him in the chest. He staggered but recovered and crouched. She noticed that he looked like a big panther, all sleek muscles and feline grace. She stood still waiting for his next attack. She didn't wait long. She jumped over his foot as it swept out to knock her off her feet. Unfortunately, he brought the same foot up and swung it back to knock her in the back of her legs. Unbalanced, she landed on her butt. He launched himself onto her and pinned her to the floor. She grinned up at him as he held her down.

"Gee, you used to last longer." She purred, panting slightly from the exercise.

"I could go all night." He growled as his eyes fastened on her mouth.

"Really?" Her green eyes glazed as his words heated her body.

"Really." He whispered as he gave into temptation and kissed her.


	19. Tears

Tears

Disclaimer: I'm running out of reasons why I don't own them, oh yeah, I'm too broke.

Summary: Memories and tears.

Reviews: Yes, please. They keep me going when I don't know what to write next. Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!!

A/N: I know it's short. It got a bit intense and I couldn't bear to put him through any more just now. He asked, so she told him.

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Will raised his head and gazed down at Buffy's flushed face. He smiled at the languid expression on her face. "Did all our training sessions end this way?" He asked in a low husky voice.

She shook her head lazily and licked her lips, smiling when she saw his eyes dilate and focus on her mouth. "Not all. For the first couple of years every time we fought we were trying to kill each other." Her soft statement caught his attention.

"The 'me vampire, you slayer' thing, then?" He asked with some amusement.

She nodded and smiled up at him again. "So happy we didn't succeed." She purred.

He gave her a swift kiss and rolled off, lying next to her. He bent an elbow and propped his head on his hand. "Tell me." He instructed.

"Tell you what?" Her green eyes were puzzled.

He gestured with his free hand. Pointing to his own chest and then at her. "Tell me about us. How did we get from trying to kill each other to all this delightful snogging? I don't remember but my body is telling me that we used to do a lot more than just kiss." He leered down at her, running his tongue along his full lower lip.

She smacked his bare chest with her hand then let her fingers linger on his cool skin. Memories of just how much more than kiss they'd actually done warming her body. He caught her fingers in his and firmly placed her hand away from his tingling skin.

"Now, now. I don't know you that well." He teased. He leaned down and brushed a soft kiss on her waiting mouth. Her head followed his seeking more contact. She pouted when he pulled back out of reach.

"Tell me." Will insisted. His blue eyes gazed into her green depths pleadingly. "I need to know."

Buffy pondered how much she should tell him. She's missed him so much the past six months. He'd left a gaping hole in her heart. She'd spent a big portion of the time he'd been gone agonizing over his denial of her love. Memories of that horrific, terrifying time after she'd returned from the dead seared her mind. She winced. His sharp blue gaze caught the fleeting expression.

"What did I do to you?" The quiet question echoed with the pain of not knowing his own past.

Her hand flew up to caress his face. "No! You didn't do anything. It was me. I treated you very badly." Her confession shocked the unsuspecting vampire.

He looked down at her. "What do you mean? What could you possibly have done to me that was so bad?"

Buffy rolled away from him unable to look at his beloved face. The events of the past few years washed over her. Tears slid down her face as she tried to find the words to tell him just what she'd done to him. All the abuse, the lies, the hiding from her friends, denying her feelings until it was too late and he was dying. She had driven him to desperation, to Anya, to attacking her and finally to seeking the return of his soul.

Will bit his lip in dismay. "Buffy, Luv, please stop. It's okay. You don't have to tell me." He cuddled up behind her and pulled her hair back over her shoulder away from her face. His gentleness caused her to sob compulsively. Her shuddering terrified the amnesiac vampire. Unsure what to do, he settled for slipping a strong arm around her waist and pulling her closer to his bare chest.

She wept for long minutes. Will stroked her hair and once again found himself murmuring comforting words attempting to soothe a sobbing female in his arms. As her tears eased, she began to talk. She kept her face turned away from him, unwilling to see his reaction to what she had to say. She told him everything from their first meeting to the first time they saved the world. She left nothing out when she gave him every painful detail of their illicit affair. She heard his hisses of shock and felt his winces of pain as she shared her memories of their lives. She told him how she'd used and abused him just to feel and how far she'd pushed him in her desperation to deny her feelings for him. She felt his emotional withdrawal and held in her grief when she recounted the night he'd been driven to attempted rape. Finally, she recounted as much as she knew of the restoration of his soul and the events leading up to his death in the Hellmouth. She fell silent at last and waited.

Buffy felt Will heave a deep unneeded breath. She held hers and waited tensely. He lowered his head until it rested on her shoulder, his forehead pressed against the side of her neck. Still he said nothing. Then she felt it. A tremor, an almost imperceptible shaking. Cool dampness began to seep into the fabric of her blouse. She froze in shock as realization swept through her exhausted body.

Will was crying.


	20. Discovery

Discovery

Disclaimer: Still broke, still own nothing.

Summary: It's a surprise.

Reviews: Yes, please. I worship the cyberspace reviewers surf in. Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!!

A/N: Was going back to the Hyperion and see what Angel and the others were doing but didn't make it. Promise next chapter will have the rest of the gang in it. Things are going to heat up now so get ready for some shocks. Wait til you find out what Wesley discovered!

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Buffy lay frozen for long moments. His tears continued to stream unchecked onto her shoulder. She moved to leave and his arm tightened around her waist.

"No. Stay. Please." His choked whisper tore at her already aching heart. She relaxed back against him and felt him sigh in relief.

"Buffy. I'm so sorry." Will's apology startled her. She twisted in his arms and faced her love.

Raising her hands to his face, she tried to soothe him as he had soothed her long minutes ago. "No. You didn't do anything to be sorry for. I hurt you so much. I'm the one who's sorry. Shhhh. Please. I'm so sorry. I'll never hurt you again." Tears slid down her own face as she comforted her vampire.

"I-I can't remember." The husky admission accompanied more tears as he closed his eyes and turned his face away.

"It's okay. I'll help you. We're together again. We can beat anything. We'll get you back. I love you so much." She whispered urgently, caressing his lean features. Wiping his tears away with shaking fingers.

"My heart knows you. I feel you in it. I want to remember. _I need to remember_. I can't take it anymore. The nightmares. The feeling that there's something pulling at me, keeping me in the dark. It hurts so much." He looked at her, long dark lashes spiky from his tears framed sapphire eyes swimming in a sea of pain. He laid back, pulling her over to rest on his chest. She wrapped her arm around his waist as his came around and encircled her shoulders.

"I'm so tired, Buffy. Sleep now?" He was almost gone as he asked the exhausted question.

"Yes, Spike. Sleep now. I'll protect you." She murmured as her own eyes drifted closed.

"I love you." They spoke as one, each on the very edge of sleep voicing the three little words that bound them together.

Some time later, a silent figure moved to kneel next to the sleeping couple. An infinitely gentle hand raised Will's head and slipped a pillow beneath it. A soft blanket drifted down and covered them as they slept unaware of the care being given them. Jake paused at the base of the stairs to look at his friend and the woman in his arms. A sad smile crossed his handsome face.

'Sleep well, Buddy. Tomorrow's going to be a long day. I can feel it.' Jake thought as he turned the light down low with the dimmer switch and noiselessly went back to his nightly tour of the house, pausing briefly to gaze at Dawn's beautiful face in the dim light before going back to his room.

Late morning found Wesley and Susan sharing a pot of tea at the kitchen table. Dawn had already wandered through, made a pot of coffee then retreated back to the living room, a box of Will's favorite cereal clutched gleefully in her hands. Wesley felt a bit of trepidation as he watched the young woman sneak away with her prize. Then shook his head as he realized just what it was she was taking. The vampire appeared to have very juvenile taste in breakfast food. Jake hadn't made an appearance yet; Susan told Wes that it wasn't out of the ordinary as the artist had somewhat adapted to vampire hours.

Susan brought some toasted muffins to the table with a jar of jam and a tub of butter. Wesley sighed in bliss at her thoughtfulness.

"I have questions." Susan said quietly.

"I'll try to answer them." Wes gazed at her seriously.

"Buffy is a slayer?" Her gray eyes focused on her muffin as she buttered it. "What is that?"

"She is a vampire slayer. She protects to world from the forces of darkness." Wes gave her the textbook definition.

Susan nodded as if she understood but Wes could tell she was still puzzled. "A slayer who loves a vampire." She finally observed.

Wesley smiled a little ruefully. "Yes. I will admit that Buffy never quite followed the definitive profile of a slayer. She's always followed her own set of rules. Rules that, I must add, has saved the world numerous times. She is the longest surviving slayer and had earned a bit of happiness. Maybe with Spike's return she can find that."

Susan nodded. "You know Buffy quite well then?"

He sipped his tea for a moment. "I was her watcher for a very brief time. A watcher is an older male who trains and guides a slayer in the execution of her duties. Her prior watcher, Mr. Giles, had been dismissed for becoming overly protective of his charge. I have to admit that with Buffy, his methods were much more effective than traditional ones. He loves her, you see, as a father does his child. That is what she needed. The very thing required to give her the incentive to survive. A vampire once said that every slayer has a death wish, the desire to find out what's on the other side of the fight. Buffy has died and returned. She does not have any such death wish. Her friends and family are her support system. For the last six months, she's been desolate. Lost without Spike. Only following the very rudimentary motions of living."

"And now he's back." Susan said quietly.

"And now he's back." Wesley agreed.

Silence reigned in the kitchen for long moments. Susan had more questions but decided to wait until everyone was present before exploring the problems further.

The basement door opened. Will and Buffy entered the kitchen looking rumpled and tired. Will was teasing the slayer about getting too old to sleep on the floor and she was poking him in the side telling him to put a shirt on before she gave into the temptation to tell everyone exactly how ticklish he was. Wes and Susan exchanged smiles at the juvenile display. Will made his way purposely to the refrigerator and snagged a bag of blood to heat. Buffy began searching the cupboards for a coffee cup. Will reached over her and pulled one down for her, pressing closely behind her as he did it. She smiled up at him as he backed away smirking.

"I see you two have gotten better acquainted." Wesley took a sip of his tea to hide his delight.

Buffy smiled shyly as she poured some of the rich dark coffee into her cup. Will's grin increased, as he searched the pantry for something obviously not there.

"DAWN! DID YOU TAKE MY LUCKY CHARMS?" The vampire finally yelled in exasperation. He leaned against the counter in front of the sink and crossed his arms. Displeasure evident in every defined muscle of his bare chest.

Wesley's cup wobbled in his grip. He attempted to put it back in its saucer only to have it rattle alarmingly. His startled blue eyes were focused on the vampire in front of him.

"Oh my God!"


	21. Regret

Regret

Disclaimer: I own my candy corn. What little I have left that is.

Summary: A couple of guys have some regrets.

Reviews: The response to the last chapter blew me away. I love all of you. Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!!

A/N: A few of you left reviews that I feel just scream for an answer. Here they are. Thanks to all of you.

Hieiko: Since you didn't venture a guess, I don't know if you were right. Everyone else has been wrong though.

Raiining: I'm wounded. :,,( I was the one who made Spike a wizard with suppressed powers. Although the magic became less of a major part of the story than his emotional and mental problems.

Imzadi: I guess Jake didn't have any Wheatabix when Will came back. Now really, how surprised are you that he would like something with little marshmallows in it?

Demonica Mills: Sorry, I forgot about the evil female watcher. Will correct that when Wes explains it to Jake.

Veganschoolgirl: You're welcome, I review what I like. Me? Cruel? Thanks!

SpikedAngel22: Not that I have anything against Spike/Angel stories (been reading a lot of them lately) I just don't feel brave enough to write one. The Spike/Angel meeting is pretty inevitable, should be soon.

WayWard Childe: Insolence? Kill? Eeep! And may I add Yikes! Please, O Dark One, don't kill me lest I never finish the story and no one ever finds out what Wes saw. (snicker) You leave the best reviews. Thanks.

To everyone else who reviewed but didn't leave anything I felt needed a comment or defense, thank you so very much for your remarks and support.

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Angel got out of bed and slid back into the clothes he'd shed just a few hours before. The need to escape the echoing accusation grew overpowering so he fled the bedroom. He made his way downstairs and sent Gunn up to the room he stayed in whenever the job kept him there late. Angel wearily sat down at the desk and called Wesley. He'd barely told his friend what happened when the line went dead. He dropped the receiver in frustration and glared at in impotently. He settled in to think and sat that way for a time. He'd heard Will's voice over the phone. He was curious about why the other vampire had been so anxious to have Wes hang up. He worried the problem around until he got a headache.

He went into the kitchen and got himself a mug of blood. Carrying it back to the desk, he sat down to brood some more. Not that he would have admitted to brooding. He checked the time and realized someone should call England and tell Giles and Willow. Picking up the phone again, he placed the call.

"Hello?" Giles answered the phone in the new Watchers Council and Slayer Training Center.

"Rupert." Angel said.

"Is something wrong? Is it Buffy? Dawn?" The former watcher caught the undercurrent of stress in the vampire's voice.

"No. They're fine. It's just…" He paused. "Spike."

"Angel, Spike is gone." Giles reminded him gently. The elder watcher knew Angel had been having a difficult time dealing with his Childe's death. He was the only one the vampire had confided in.

Angel laughed. Rupert was concerned to hear that there was no humor in the sound.

"Angel, what's wrong? What about Spike?" The questions rang clear over the international call.

"He's back." Silence followed the simple announcement.

Later Angel would swear that he'd heard Buffy's father figure clean his glasses. "Dear Lord." Giles breathed. "I don't think I will ever become accustomed to hearing statements like that. First Buffy and now Spike. How?"

The elder vampire recounted all the events of the past few days beginning with Dawn's discovery of the paintings and ending with the aborted phone call of just a little while ago.

"We're coming." Rupert said simply.

"Thanks." Angel told him.

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In England, Rupert turned to Willow and repeated everything Angel had told him. He sat down and tried to absorb the information as he recited it. Willow was momentarily speechless. She got out the number for Xander and quickly called him to give him the news. Once he got over the shock, he asked them to make arrangements for him to Los Angeles as well. Willow promised to call him with his travel itinerary.

"Buffy and Dawn are with him?" Willow asked for confirmation from Giles.

"Yes. Angel could not go with them as the mention of his name and the sound of his voice triggers a migraine." He confirmed.

"Goddess, poor Spike." Willow twisted her fingers in distress for a moment. "I could go look for some spell that might help. Maybe I can find a way to negate the power of the amulet."

"That's a good idea. But bring the books with you and make sure your cell phone is charged in case Buffy gets a chance to call." Giles picked up the phone to call a ticketing agent. "I'll make the travel plans."

The redhead nodded and raced upstairs.

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Angel hung up his phone and heaved an unneeded sigh. He still had a few hours to go before any of the humans got up. He glanced at the monitor and noticed that Lindsey was stirring. The vampire decided to go down and talk to the lawyer who'd been an irritant for years.

Heating the leftover tacos for the prisoner, Angel took them down to the basement. He set the plate and a can of soda on the floor and backed up to sit in a chair across the room.

"What have I done to make you hate me?" Angel asked softly.

"You make my bosses mad and when they're mad, everyone suffers." Lindsey told him bitterly as he popped the top on the can. He took a long drink then glared at this captor.

"Who suffers?" Angel couldn't prevent his curiosity.

"Me, my friends." Lindsey hesitated. "My family." The last was added almost too quietly for the vampire to hear.

Angel looked up sharply. "They threatened your family?"

"Why else would I go back? I used to enjoy my job with them. I made a lot of money. I had some power. Then you came along. Everything began to focus on you. You threatened their plans. You ruined everything. After Darla I was out. I was almost free. But they threatened my family and here I am, right back in the fold. So, yeah, I like making you miserable. Just as miserable as I am." Lindsey shoved his plate aside, his anger taking away his appetite.

"But what did I do? Why take it out on me?" Angel got up to pace.

"You killed Darla." Lindsey glared at the vampire. "If I can get rid of you they'll let us go. You should have worn the amulet. We both would have had what we wanted."

"I wish I had." Angel muttered.

"But that would have left them open to start their own apocalypse. You wouldn't have enjoyed your humanity very long. You need to find out how to keep them from getting it back. I don't know how. I don't think anyone does. They didn't expect it to come back. They need it but it's not vital. You know?" Lindsey laid down on the bed and turned away from Angel.

Feeling oddly dismissed and immensely unsatisfied, Angel went back upstairs. Cordelia was making a fresh pot of coffee. He walked up behind her. She stiffened as he slid his hands around her waist.

"I'm mad at you." She hissed.

He put his chin on her shoulder. "I'm sorry." He whispered in her ear.

"Doesn't help." She concentrated on filling the filter with fresh grounds.

"I love you." He tried again.

She shook her head, her fragrant dark hair tickling his nose. "I love you, too. But you were a jerk last night. You have to trust Wesley. He knows what he's doing."

"But it's Spike." Angel knew it was a lame defense.

"The Spike who doesn't know who he is. The Spike who gets a migraine, which I can certainly sympathize with, whenever he hears your name or voice? That Spike?" She turned in his arms and kissed him.

She smiled when he nodded sheepishly. "Wesley will call when he can. You know that it's possible Wolfram and Hart will cause us a lot of problems if they find out about Spike. I don't think this will last too much longer."

"Did you have a vision?" Angel asked worriedly.

Cordy shook her head. "No. I just have a feeling that Spike's natural impatience will come out and drive him to seek the answers. Now that he's seen Buffy, I don't think a little case of amnesia will keep him from getting back with her. You saw how much she loves him. That is _not_ the same slayer I met at Sunnyhell High."

"I called Giles and Willow. They're coming." He told her.

She beamed. "Great! Will can go shopping with me." She slid out of his arms and got out a packet of blood for him.

"You're still going shopping?" Angel asked.

"Well, duh." She answered him with a huge smile.

"This is really going to cost me isn't it?" He realized in defeat.

She started the microwave and walked back into his embrace. "You betcha." She said just before she kissed him again.

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Jake walked into the living room and sat in the chair opposite of the sofa. He gazed at Dawn for a moment. She smiled at him.

"Hi." She greeted him.

"Hi." He answered shyly. "I see you found Will's cereal."

Dawn grinned. "Yeah. Wonder if the coffee's done?"

"When was it started?" Jake asked.

"About ten minutes ago." She answered.

He nodded. "It should be."

They jumped when they heard Will shout. "DAWN! DID YOU TAKE MY LUCKY CHARMS?"

Her blue eyes sparkled. "Busted."

They got up and headed for the kitchen. As they reached the door, they heard Wesley.

"Oh my God!"

Every one looked at Wes in surprise. He was staring at Will in shock. Dawn followed the former watchers line of sight. Her grip on the cereal box loosened. It fell to the floor spilling the sugary substance.

She screamed. "SPIKE! OH GOD! SPIKE, MOVE!"

"No! Stay where you are!" Wesley's order stunned the teenager and froze the vampire who had begun to move toward Dawn.

"But…" Dawn began.

Wes interrupted her. "Look!" He pointed at Will, who was still standing in front of the sink. Sunlight gilded the leanly sculpted muscles of his back and painted highlights in his platinum tipped hair.

Will finally realized what was happening. "Bloody Hell!"


	22. Sunshine

Sunshine

Disclaimer: I own nothing of importance.

Summary: Sunlight and speculation.

Reviews: Yes please, give me a happy. I love reviewers. They make the muse extra creative. Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!

A/N: Demonica Mills: I would have posted this sooner but I figured I should at least write it first. (smiles)

WayWard Childe: You were playing? Thank God! (wipes sweat from brow) That's certainly a relief. Thanks for sparing me.

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Buffy was speechless at the sight of Spike standing in the sunlight streaming through the kitchen window. The vampire whirled around and let the warm rays shine on his face, closing his eyes in ecstasy.

Wesley couldn't take his eyes off the vampire standing in full sun. He'd never seen a daywalker before. He'd heard of them but thought they were purely myths.

"I don't get it. How?" Dawn finally found her voice and asked the question on everyone's minds.

"I'll have to investigate this." Wes said quietly.

"Investigate without me." Will told him.

"What?" The former watcher was stunned.

"I'm going outside." The joyful vampire stated as he headed for the door.

"Wait! What about a shirt, shoes? At least wear your jacket." Susan tried to get the giddy daywalker to stop for a second.

"Vampire, Luv. Don't feel the cold." Will pulled the door open and dashed out into the snow. He stopped dead center of the yard and tipped his head back to bask in the golden rays.

Dawn raced into the living room and tugged on her shoes. She grabbed her jacket and joined Will outside. She threw her arms around him and laughed when he twirled her around so fast her feet left the ground. The sound of their joy was clear to those watching from the kitchen door.

Buffy took her cup of coffee over to the table and covered her face with shaking hands.

"Buffy, he's still a vampire? Isn't he?" Wes asked the slayer quietly as he regained his chair.

She nodded, clasping her hands back around her coffee. "No heartbeat, no body temperature. Slayer tinglies even now. I don't get it."

Wesley watched Jake as he reluctantly closed kitchen door and got himself a cup of coffee. He took a seat at the table. "Jake, has Will been exposed to the sun before now? Did you know about this?"

Jake shook his head, tobacco brown hair falling into his eyes. He pushed it back with slender fingers. "No. It was raining and overcast the first few days he was here. Then we found out he was a vampire and I did some research on the Internet on how to kill a vampire. Sunlight, stake to the heart, decapitation, you know? So we made sure he was never exposed to the sun. He usually sleeps until early afternoon so the sun is normally over the top of the house and not shining in that window. The rest of the windows have heavy drapes on them so they were never an issue. He just never had any interest in going outside. The only other time was the other day when I took that picture. Speaking of which. Excuse me." Jake got up suddenly and rushed from the room, returning in seconds with a digital camera. He went out and started snapping photos of the vampire and his Little Bit as they played in the sun.

Susan exchanged amused glances with Buffy and Wes. "He'll be out there as long as they will." She observed wryly.

Buffy smiled. "Bunch of big kids we have here. A hundred and thirty year old vamp, a seventeen year old key and… How old is Jake?" She asked Susan.

Susan's gray eyes sparkled with humor. "Twenty-six."

Buffy turned her green gaze to Wes. "What's the deal? How can he be in the sun and not go all flamey?"

Wesley considered the situation for a moment. "He mentioned having the sun pouring through him while he was wearing the amulet in the Hellmouth. Is that correct?"

Buffy nodded with a shudder. The memory of the man she loved going up in flames as the sun burned a hole through him was something she lived with daily.

"Was there anything else that happened at the time?" Wesley questioned.

The slayer closed her eyes and let the memory of those last few minutes surface. "He told me to leave. I held his hand. Our hands burst into flames while they were connected. He made me go and leave him there to die. Said he wanted to see how it ended." A tear tracked down her face.

"I see." The former watcher murmured. He was beginning to get an idea about how Will's new abilities had come about.

"I believe he has become a daywalker." Wes began.

"A vampire immune to the sun?" Susan asked incredulously.

Wesley gave her an appreciative look. "Yes. Exactly. Well done. You've done your homework."

Susan beamed. "I live in LA. Lots of things go bump in the night. After Will appeared and we found out what he was, I did some extra research. I knew about them but I wanted to know everything I could about vampires. There's very little known about daywalkers. Most people think they're just stories, that they don't really exist. I guess there's at least one in the world now."

Wes nodded. "It's more imperative than ever that we get his memory back and keep him out of Wolfram and Hart's clutches."

Buffy gaped at Wes in dismay. "That evil law firm that's always giving Angel grief wants Spike?"

Wes studied his teacup. "We have reason to believe that Will is tied to the amulet and Wolfram and Hart will want it back, with it's bonus vampire."

Buffy's resolve face would have rivaled Willow's at her best, Wes noted with some amusement. "That's _my vampire_ and they can't have him." She declared.

"They won't. Angel will make sure of it." Wesley assured her. Buffy nodded. "We probably should move to the Hyperion. We need to get Angel and Will in the same place and try to get Will's memories back."

"Won't that hurt him? Give him the migraine again?" Susan asked with concern.

"I hope not. I'm thinking that the effect of the amulet will be negated by Angel's proximity. At best we may be able to short it out and drain it's power. I believe that the amulet was created for Angel to wear and that's why it has the effect on Will that it does. It could also be why he has amnesia." Wesley explained seriously.

"Are you telling me that by giving Spike the amulet I circumvented Angel's destiny?" Buffy asked disbelievingly.

"In a way. The plan was that if Angel wore the amulet he would Shanshu and become human." He held up his hand when Buffy looked like she was going to interrupt. "The Shanshu prophesy states that the souled vampire who has a major role in an apocalypse would receive his reward and become human."

Buffy's eyes filled with tears. "I prevented Angel from getting his reward?"

Wesley gazed at her with sympathy. "Only during _that_ apocalypse. We've been informed that Wolfram and Hart have their own apocalypse in the works. They wanted Angel out of the way so they could succeed."

Susan held up a hand. "Wait a minute 'that apocalypse'? 'Their apocalypse'? I thought there would be only one?"

Buffy smiled sadly. "I've foiled…what is it now…eight, nine? They seem to happen at least once a year. Angel almost caused it once. Spike helped prevent that one too." She remembered an earlier comment. "Spike is a souled vampire and he prevented an apocalypse, why isn't he human?"

Wesley thought about it for a moment. "I don't know. It's possible that Spike's destiny was also circumvented and it may be why he was brought back. From what Angel has said, I believe that the last thing Spike wants is to be human. It could explain his becoming a daywalker. It's the closest they could come to making him human without taking away his vampirism. Another explanation may be that having the sun flow through him by way of the amulet, it gave him immunity when he was brought back through the amulet. Or the joining of your hands during his last moments transferred some of your abilities to him. The Powers That Be would be the ones who could explain it. That's another reason we need to go back to Los Angeles."

A blast of icy air blew into the kitchen as the door flew open and two very cold humans and one equally cold, though he wouldn't admit it, vampire tumbled through. They were laughing and had snow sliding off their clothing. Susan got up, hurried into the bedroom to retrieve three blankets, wrapping the shivering trio in them. She guided them into chairs and poured them each a cup of hot coffee.

"Did you have fun?" She asked with a smile, as she brought the cream and sugar to the table.

Dawn grinned. "That was great!"

Will laughed. "I wonder if I'll freckle?"

Buffy sent him a startled look. "You asked that once before."

"I did?" He asked in surprise.

"When you had the Ring of Amarra. While you were still trying to kill me." She explained. He nodded, remembering what she'd said about that incident.

He looked into his coffee cup. "Do we have any hot chocolate?" Then wondered why Buffy and Dawn started to giggle uncontrollably. Susan shook her head and got up to provide the requested replacement.

Wesley filled the newcomers in on the speculations and conclusions. Will was intrigued at the thought of being a daywalker. They weren't happy about going to LA but could see the need for it.

Susan looked at the cold and wet threesome. "Will, go take a shower. You need to warm up. Jake and Dawn you need to do the same. Dawn, I'll lend you some clothes." Will didn't move for a moment. "Move it." She instructed. Wesley watched in bemusement as the lovely young woman bullied the master vampire into doing what she wanted. Will took his cup with him as he left. Protesting the entire time that he wasn't cold although the shivers running along his bare torso indicated otherwise.

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By late afternoon, Giles, Willow and Xander were in Los Angeles and on their way to the Hyperion. Angel and Cordy welcomed them with hugs. The former Scoobies were tired from their trip but anxious to see Buffy, Dawn and Spike. They were stunned by the paintings still on display in the lobby.

Angel had told Gunn to move Lindsey into an upstairs room with the provision that he stay locked in. The lawyer was surprised by the sudden showing of kindness on the part of his enemy but decided to stay quiet. He was holding onto a faint hope that the vampire and his friends could help him escape his bosses once and for all.

The former Sunnydale residents were catching up on each other's lives when their reunion was interrupted by a woman walking through the front door of the hotel.

Angel stood up as she advanced into the lobby. "Get out."


	23. Reunion

Reunion

Disclaimer: Have no money, no owning.

Summary: They're all together, now what?

Reviews: The reviews have been amazing. Thank you everyone very, very much. Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!

A/N: WayWard Childe: Bring it on Sparky; Shadow is more than a match for any dog. (snicker) Please let me live long enough to finish this fic. I'll try to do better with the cliffhangers.

Dominica Mills: Blade is lame and I've never read Anne Rice. Bridge gets the credit for the Daywalker appellation.

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Angel advanced on the unwelcome visitor. "Get out!" He ordered.

Lilah Morgan merely smiled and stood where she stopped. "Now be nice." She purred.

"I have no reason to be nice to you." The vampire snarled.

The lawyer gazed around at the assembled group. "I'm missing a colleague. Maybe you've seen him. Lindsey MacDonald?" She examined her perfectly manicured nails idly.

"Nope. Don't have a clue." Angel lied smoothly. "Now get out."

She pouted. "That's not nice." She waited in vain for Angel to say more. "One of our seers says that some property of ours has returned from the Hellmouth. An amulet we loaned you. We'd like it back now."

"We don't have it. I'm not going to tell you again. Get out." Angel advanced slowly.

Lilah smiled unpleasantly. "We all know you won't use force on me. You're too much of a…what was that word? Oh right, a champion." She sneered.

Willow stepped up to stand in front of Angel, moving slightly to his left. "He might not use force. But I will." The witch declared icily.

"Well, well. Letting little girls fight your battles now?" The brunette took her time looking at Willow, running her gaze scathingly the length of the witch's form.

"I'm not a little girl." Willow warned, her eyes taking on a darker hue than normal. "I suggest you follow Angel's request and get out."

"Or you'll do what?" The lawyer asked nastily.

Xander, Giles and Cordelia moved to safety behind the sofa. Lilah noted their movements with curiosity. Angel crossed his arms and smirked. Spike would have been proud of the expression that now graced his Sire's face.

Willow raised her arm and extended her hand. "Remove!"

Lilah shrieked as she was lifted up and carried back through the open door. The door slammed shut behind her. They could hear her as she landed ungracefully on the street in front of the huge building. Willow murmured an incantation before lowering her arm.

"What was that last bit?" Angel asked curiously.

"Let's just say she won't be back. Anyone who works with her won't be able to enter." Willow explained.

"What about leaving?" Cordelia asked. "Lindsey's upstairs."

Willow looked amused. "Well, that's a surprise. The door is barred to anyone from Wolfram and Hart. I'm sure that means leaving as well as entering. They just can't pass the threshold. There's a barrier on the whole building for that matter. That includes windows. There's just no passage in or out."

Angel smiled. "I like it." Everyone laughed in relief.

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It took longer than Wesley would have liked to get everything needed for the trip to Los Angeles. Now that they didn't have to wait until sunset, he was anxious to get back. They had to take both Jeeps. Jake packed up the two new paintings and insisted on printing out the photos from earlier. He and Will packed small bags with the minimum of clothing for several days.

Everyone wanted to eat before leaving further delaying their departure. Finally they were ready to go. Wesley opted to ride with Susan while Buffy and Dawn wanted to ride with Jake and Will. The amulet was packed in Will's bag and Wes made sure Jake had the notebooks. Susan took the lead, pausing to make sure Jake closed the gates securely before going on. She made sure she could see her cousin's vehicle in her rearview mirror at all times during the trip. Wes was impressed with her traveling technique. They enjoyed a deep conversation on various subjects during the two-hour trip.

Dawn chose to ride in the front seat so she could talk to Jake. Will and Buffy took advantage of the rear seat to snuggle and talk quietly. Eventually, they drifted into a light snooze leaving Dawn and Jake to chat quietly together.

Just before arriving at the hotel, Wesley used his cell phone and called Angel. The vampire was gratified to hear they were almost there.

It was getting late when the cars pulled up to the front of the hotel. Wesley scanned the area for any of Wolfram and Hart's people before allowing any of his group out of the vehicles.

Buffy and Dawn burst through the doors and leaped on Xander and Willow with glee. Giles was treated to bone-crushing hugs, which he returned happily. Susan and Jake followed more sedately with Jake hanging back slightly from his natural shyness. Wesley entered last with Will next to him. Wes made sure the doors were closed securely and locked them. Will was shaking with nerves at the prospect of meeting people who knew him that he didn't remember. The two Brits paused for a moment watching Angel and Buffy performing introductions. Will's pale face grew impossibly paler and his trembling increased until Wes slipped a hand under his elbow to steady the terrified Daywalker.

Angel's vampire senses registered the presence of his Childe the second he stepped from the Jeep. His dark eyes swung around and landed on the younger vampire. The others grew silent when they realized that Spike was indeed back and standing in front of them. Angel advanced slowly. Will took a small step backward. His mind was screaming at him to run. It was all he could do to not turn around and race all the way back to the mountain on foot. His gaze was captured by the tall dark creature moving toward him. A word filtered its way past the terror. Not saying it failed to be an option. He opened his mouth and hesitated. A collective breath was held as everyone watched. Sparks of pain began shooting through Will's head. Finally he forced his vocal cords to work.

"Sire." The pain exploded and he fell to his knees clamping his hands around his head. Buffy pushed past her friends and rushed to his side. Tears of agony streamed down his lean face as he knelt there.

"Will!" Angel's voice was low. Will's vampire hearing picked it up and he groaned. The pressure on his brain peaked and he pitched forward, unconscious once again.

Buffy prevented him from hitting the floor seconds before Angel's strong arms swept his Childe up. Wesley dropped to the floor and began frantically rooting through Will's bag, searching out the amulet. He pulled it from the depths of Will's clothing and held it up. The glow was fading fast but everyone witnessed it.

Angel carried Will over to the sofa and carefully stretched him out comfortably, gently placing a pillow under his head. Wesley was mentally kicking himself for not ensuring Angel was out of the room before letting Will enter the building. Buffy knelt next to her vampire and held his hand; anxiously hoping he woke up soon.

Willow took up her position next to Xander, visually checking the appearance of the long lost vampire. She could see some differences. His face didn't seem to be as lean as it had been and his hair was longer than she'd ever seen it. She hadn't realized how curly his hair actually was. But she could tell it was Spike. She smiled at Xander. He smiled back.

Jake turned to Cordy. "He'll need some blood and if you have some Tylenol Migraine to put in it, that will take care of his headache. He shouldn't be out long."

The seer nodded and led him into the kitchen. Together they prepared the nourishment the unconscious vampire needed. They returned to the lobby in time to hear Will's low moan. Wesley banished Angel to the office the second Will's dark lashes started to flutter. The elder vampire was not happy but didn't want to cause any more pain. Jake handed the prepared mug to Buffy. The stricken vampire sipped on the straw slowly. He took an unneeded breath as he finished the concoction. He stubbornly sat up and cast a wary glance at the onlookers.

"Watcher?" His low voice shattered the silence.

"Yes?" Wesley and Giles both answered him.

A weary smile crossed Will's handsome face. "More than one of you, eh?"

A relieved laugh escaped everyone. "Will, this is Rupert Giles. He was my watcher. I told you about him."

Rupert knelt next to Buffy. "Hello. It's good to have you back." He said softly.

Will nodded. He looked at the other unfamiliar faces staring avidly at his. "Did I break my nose when I fell?" He asked nervously.

Buffy giggled. "No. They just can't believe you're back. We missed you."

"I didn't." Xander volunteered.

"I didn't miss you either." The rapidly recovering vampire told him acidly.

"Wait, I thought you didn't remember us…oh right." Xander realized sheepishly. "You can't miss people you don't remember."

Will ran his hand through his hair and gave a purely Spike-like smirk at the tall brunette. "Now you're getting it."

"Willow and I have a theory about your memory loss. I'm hoping you'll be strong enough to try it out tomorrow." Giles told him.

Will's sapphire gaze tracked the humans surrounding him. "And Willow would be…?"

The redhead raised her hand. "That would be me." She said breathlessly.

"And the rest of you are…?" Will questioned uncertainly.

"Oh! Sorry." Buffy pointed to each one in turn. "That's Xander and that's Cordelia. She works with…um Wesley."

Will nodded. "Nice to meet you."

"Are you sure this is Spike?" Xander asked. "He's nice."

"That could change, you git." Will snapped.

"Okay, I believe." Xander admitted.

Will looked up at the elder watcher. "So what's this theory, let's get the show on the road. I want my memory back. There's this great yawning black hole and I'm sick of it." He shifted and made to stand up, forcing Buffy and Giles to back up.

"Are you sure you're strong enough?" Giles asked. "It requires both of you. But it would stop the migraines."

Will's face reflected fear before hardening with determination. "I want to do it now." He got to his feet. He took off his duster and straightened his clothes.

Wesley pulled Giles and Willow to the side. "Did Angel tell you what we found out about the amulet?"

Willow nodded. "Yes."

The younger watcher filled them in on the recent discoveries. Giles was excited about Will being a Daywalker. Willow nodded. "It should work."

They turned back to the rest. Will had been talking to Cordelia. He was intrigued about meeting a seer. Jake was chatting with Xander and Dawn. Will noticed their return.

"Well? Is it on?" He asked.

Giles nodded. "We'll have to do it fast to prevent a return of your headache. You should turn around and close you eyes for a moment. What will happen is, you both will clasp the amulet. It should short out and drain its power, returning your memories and preventing its use by anyone else."

Wesley went into the office and filled Angel in on the plan. The elder vampire was uncertain it would work. He didn't think he could survive harming Spike again. He followed his friend into the lobby. Will was standing with his back to the office door. Tension radiated from the lean body.

Jake, Susan, Xander, Cordelia, Buffy and Dawn watched anxiously from the sofa. Wesley stood next to Angel and Giles took up a post next to Will. Willow stood between them holding the amulet up by its chain.

"Okay, I need Wesley and Giles to back away. I don't know what it's going to do. I know Spike and Angel will survive but humans are more fragile." Willow stated. The watchers reluctantly backed away.

"That's all well and good, Red, but what about you? You're human." Will asked.

Willow beamed at the nickname. "I'll put up a barrier. I'll be fine. Thanks for asking though. Now, on the count of three, both of you face each other and take the amulet between your hands. Like your shaking hands but with the amulet between them, got it?"

"We got it." Will said impatiently.

"Okay, good. One, two, three!" Willow erected her barrier as Will turned around to face his Sire and clasped their hands together. A blinding flash of light erupted from the joined hands, knocking both vampires back. The amulet fell to the floor, the crystal shattered.


	24. Memories

Memories

Disclaimer: Hopefully by the end of this week I'll own new contacts but until then…nothing.

Summary: Sometimes memories hurt more than anything else.

Reviews: I see a lot of new names on the review list! THANK YOU! Please keep up the awesome reviews. Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!

A/N: I couldn't see Spike getting all his memories back and everything being all music and roses. So this may seem a little disturbing for some of you. Not to worry, he'll be fine…eventually. This story has taken on a life of its own and gone on far longer than I ever envisioned and it's far from over. Hope I can keep it interesting.

SpikedAngel22: My first story 'It's All My Fault' has my version of the whole 'who sired Spike' question. Be kind though. It is my first story and the writing wasn't quite what it could have been. I went back and reread it the other day. Cringe worthy, in my humble opinion.

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The younger vampire put a hand to his head. While living with Jake, he'd seen a television show where the producers had created an opening scene that had contained clips from the entire run of the show. It had been a confusing montage of images that had made the vampire dizzy. He was experiencing something similar now. He felt ill, buffeted by the seemingly endless barrage of memories. Just as suddenly, it stopped. He wavered, his knees weak. Someone came up next to him. He held out his hand to ward them off.

"No! Stay away from me!" He backed up shakily, not stopping until his back hit a wall. He slid down the smooth surface until he was sitting with his knees drawn up to his chin. He sensed a person approaching him. He scrambled away.

"Leave me alone!" He tried to shout but couldn't, his plea seeming to be nothing more than a weak appeal. Crouching in a corner like a feral panther, he snarled at the man approaching him. Confused, he gazed around the room, trying to figure out where he was and what he was doing there. He shook his head trying to clear his vision. The motion hurt. Sounds penetrated the wall of disorientation surrounding him. He tried to make sense of them. He frowned, trying to sort through the nearly one hundred and fifty years of memories that had crowded back into his mind in mere seconds. It seemed an impossible task. If he could just get some quiet. More people were talking to him, the cascade of words confusing him more than anything else. He clamped his hands over his ears.

"Too loud." He groaned. "Too loud! Shut up! Leave me alone!" His words grew in volume. This time he succeeded in raising his voice. A sudden silence soothed his ears. "Better. Can't think." He searched for a way out of the corner. He felt trapped by the presence of the others. He knew them but the task of assigning names to them almost overwhelmed him.

Angel stopped his approach. The sight of the crouching vampire was upsetting. He could hear the concerned whispers of the others. Dawn was sobbing softly, fearful that they had done more harm than good. Buffy was attempting to approach Spike from the other side. He skittered away from her. Confused hurt filled her face.

Cordelia gasped. "I know what's wrong with him." She pulled everyone away from Spike, noticing how his tension eased fractionally at the distance. When they had the length of the room between them, she gathered them all around her.

"A couple of years ago I was in a higher plane. When I got back I didn't remember anything. There was this big void in my mind. When my memories returned, it was all at once. It was kind of confusing at first. It took a little while for me to sort them out. I didn't let on because I knew everyone and it didn't last. But I only had about twenty years to remember. Spike has over a hundred."

"A hundred and forty-eight, including his twenty-five human years." Angel inserted.

"Right, a hundred and forty-eight. How confusing do you imagine that would be? To have that many years of memories just cascading into your mind all at once?" She finished.

"Oh Dear God! I didn't think of that." Giles cleaned his glasses in distress. "What do we do?"

"Just give him some time to sort through it all." The Seer suggested. "We need to figure out which one of us he'll tolerate getting close to him and let that person _and only that person _take care of him for a day or two. Until he feels up to dealing with the rest of us."

It was a painful process of elimination. Angel attempted to approach Spike again with the same result. The younger vampire scrambled away. Buffy's advancement resulted in an instinctive snarl. Wesley put forward the thought that he was reacting to the slayer and not Buffy herself. The blonde accepted that reason. Giles, Dawn, Jake, Susan and Wesley were met with blank stares and an obvious withdrawal. Willow had a little more success. He didn't withdraw but he didn't respond either. Cordy approached him but he picked up on her unconscious distrust of him and backed away again. Gunn and Fred were staying clear for a few days to give the group time for their reunion, so they weren't even considered. Finally the only one left was Xander. He shook his head.

"No way. I do not want to vamp-sit him again." Xander held up both his hands but his protest was weak.

"You're the last one. He's rejected everyone else. Please, at least try." Buffy pleaded.

There were three people in the world who could get Xander to do just about anything they wanted. Unfortunately for him, they were all in front of him looking up at him with big pleading eyes waiting for him to go help a vampire that he'd spent a lot of years hating. He'd never bothered to tell any of them that he'd stopped hating the bleached menace when he'd knocked Caleb away, preventing the evil preacher from gouging out both eyes.

Spike watched the group of people on the other side of the room. He'd recoiled at the thought of any of them trying to help him. Finally, after several minutes of debate the last of them slowly approached. He watched the brunette come closer, uncertain how to react to this one. He'd tried sorting through his memories to identify each of them as they'd drawn nearer but they'd made each attempt too fast for him to manage. They had spent several minutes convincing this last one, allowing him time to pull up some sort of reference memory to help him cope.

"Spike. I know it's hard. We just want to help you. Tell me what you need and I'll make sure you get it." Xander spoke softly. He kept his distance, stopping a couple of feet away from the traumatized vampire. Something the others hadn't bothered to do. They'd tried to get too close too fast and the result had been detrimental. He crouched to eye level and kept his voice low and calm.

"Are you tired? Hungry?" He asked gently. He was rewarded with a slight nod. "Right then, let's get you something to eat. Then we'll find you a bed to sleep in. How does that sound?" He maintained his soothing tone of voice while extending his hand slowly. Spike stared at it for long seconds before reaching out and taking it, allowing Xander to pull him up.

Xander spoke to Angel without turning away or changing his tone. "Angel, would you please get him some blood and tell us which room he's to be in? He's kind of tired." He led his exhausted charge over to a chair and accepted the mug that Willow extended. Spike tried to hold it but his hands were shaking. He allowed Xander to steady it while he sipped. His eyes were closing by the time he finished. Willow handed him a key. Xander glanced at the room number and nodded. It was on the second floor and at the top of the stairs. It was next to the one he'd stayed in after the battle with the First. Then the redhead handed him the key to his old room.

Xander helped Spike stand and steadied him. "Ready?" Spike nodded. Together they climbed the stairs. The only clothing Xander bothered to help him remove was the t-shirt and his boots. The vampire was sound asleep by the time Xander pulled the blanket up. He left a dim light burning and left the door ajar so they could hear him if he needed anything.

Returning downstairs, he was met with a barrage of questions. Holding his hands up, he requested that they slow down.

Willow pulled on his arm. "How did you do that?" She demanded.

Xander ducked his head. "Remember my cousin? The one who died?" Willow nodded. "He was schizophrenic. Sometimes he would miss his medication. He would act just like that. I was the only one who could get through to him. I'd thought I'd forgotten how to react to it but I guess you never really forget." He yawned. "I'm tired. I think I'll get some sleep myself."

Angel drew Xander to the side. "The rooms adjoin so you can be right there if he needs you. Thanks for taking care of him."

"Don't mention it. Really, really don't mention it." Xander insisted. "By the way, what did you slip into his blood?"

Cordy grinned. "One of my sleeping pills."

"Good job." Xander grinned back. "That will keep the nightmares at bay."

"He's still going to have nightmares?" Jake asked, speaking for the first time in a long while.

"For a few days, I'm sure. Until he gets things sorted out." Cordy declared. "Okay, everyone to the desk, room assignments are there. Keys are next to the list. I'm tired and going to bed. Angel, are you staying up?" She looped an arm around his and looked up at her vampire.

"Only for a little while. I want to make sure Spike is okay." Angel told her. "I need to check on Lindsey too." He added.

She nodded and bid everyone good night. Everyone checked their room assignments and retired, leaving Angel alone with his thoughts.

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Spike woke up slowly. He felt bewildered. He didn't recognize the room he was in. The void he'd lived with for four months had been filled. Most of his memories were back in place. He laid motionless for a while thinking about all that had happened to him. It seemed almost too much to process. The most painful memories were ones he now wished he'd never gotten back. He now knew where he was for the two months he'd been gone although it had felt like far longer than merely two months.

"_How long was I gone?"_

"_Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Uh… hundred forty-eight today, except today doesn't count, does it? How long was it for you… where you were?"_

"…_Longer."_

Now he knew what she'd meant and the realization burned. He recalled telling Jake that he thought he'd been in Heaven. _Now he knew that he had been._ Why he'd been dragged back was beyond his comprehension. He'd sympathized with Buffy when she'd been resurrected, but the level of empathy he now felt entered an entire new realm. He ached with the loss. Pain settled in his chest causing him to curl up on his side and yearn for the gaping black hole to swallow him up again. He knew he'd never be the same again. Never be 'Spike' again. It wasn't who he was anymore. The question he'd asked Jake earlier in the week came back to haunt him. _What am I?_ Silently, he changed it. _Who am I?_

He remained where he was facing the wall, immobile, silent and grieving for…he wasn't sure what but the wall of pain and confusion surrounding him isolated him and he was ready and willing to stay behind it if it meant that he wouldn't have to face his friends. Deep in his mind he knew he couldn't blame them for his present situation. They hadn't been the ones to bring him back but resentment was not always a reasonable sentiment.

An inner sense long thought buried with his cousin woke Xander from his deep sleep. He was puzzled for a moment trying to figure out which hotel he was staying in this week. Oh, right. He was in Los Angeles, at the Hyperion. Spike was back. Spike. Xander got up and padded silently over to the adjoining door that stood partially open. He peeked through the opening and closed his eyes at the sight of the figure curled up on the bed in an impossibly small space. Xander could practically see the pain and desolation that radiated from the vampire. He backed away carefully to avoid disturbing Spike. When he was ready, he'd talk. He just wasn't ready yet. Xander knew it. Just as he knew that the hardship the vampire was going through wasn't over yet. Xander just prayed that Spike was strong enough to survive it.


	25. Why?

Why?

Disclaimer: I don't own these wonderful people; I just borrow them for my own evil purposes.

Summary: Spike has some tough questions. Xander is doing the best he can but it's going to be hard.

Reviews: Yes, please. I love all reviewers. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: For some reason the site took the number out of my pen name so I had to change it. It's pronounced the same though. Sorry this chapter was a little slow but real life interrupted. So here you go everyone. Hope you like it.

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Wesley began the first of what he was sure would be many pots of coffee for the day. As far as he could tell, he was the first one up. He gazed around the kitchen and wondered just what they were going to feed all the people now residing in the old hotel. Wandering over to the refrigerator, he opened it and peered in hoping for inspiration. Nothing. He made a mental calculation of the number of people they now had to feed. Hmmm, there were twelve humans and two vampires. It seemed that a major trip to the grocery store was in order. A trip to the butcher would also be essential. He went into the office to obtain some paper and a pen. Opening the cupboards one at a time, he proceeded to make a list of the basic necessities required to sustain the guests they had. Susan joined him while he was inventorying the refrigerator. She peered over Wesley's shoulder.

"Oh, my. I hadn't thought about feeding all these people." Susan observed. "I'll cover a portion of the costs."

"Thank you. We appreciate that." Wesley smiled. He put on a kettle to heat water for tea. They turned as Fred and Gunn came in laughing and carrying large grocery bags filled to overflowing.

"You're just in time." Wes beamed as he began unpacking the goodies.

"Fred gets the credit." Gunn told them as he started to help put away the contents of the bags he was carrying. "She knew the cupboards were getting pretty light and made me stop at the store on the way over. Angel _is_ going to reimburse me, right?"

Wes nodded. "Of course. It was good of you to do this, naturally we'll pay you back."

Susan helped Fred with her bags. Looking over the contents, she gazed at Wesley. "It's a good start but we'll need more. How about we make breakfast for the gang and then the two of us hit the store ourselves?"

The former Watcher slid a shy grin at Susan. "Yes, we should do that. We also need to visit the butcher."

The four of them set about making breakfast and by the time it was finished the smell of cooking food had lured the rest of the group down from their rooms. Angel, Lindsey and Spike being the only ones not in attendance.

Cordy drew Gunn aside. "Lindsey can't leave, why don't you go get him so he can eat?"

Gunn frowned. "Why can't he leave?"

"Because Willow put up a barrier that keeps Wolfram and Hart employees from entering or leaving." The Seer explained.

"Cool." Gunn grinned. "But if he acts up I get to put him back in the cage, right?"

Cordy only nodded.

Fred, Susan and Wesley set up the table as a buffet, figuring it would be easier to let everyone serve themselves and find places to sit down.

Buffy found herself next to Xander in line. "How's Spike?" She asked softly. Her green eyes reflecting her worry.

Xander shook his head. "He was still asleep when I checked on him. He's hurting. I can see the pain pouring off of him. He's got a lot to deal with. I'm going back up as soon as I eat. He'll need some more blood. I may sneak him another sleeping pill. I just want to be there if he feels like talking."

Buffy looked at her friend in awe. "You've really gotten past the hate, haven't you?"

Xander shrugged. "It's kinda hard to hate someone who fights off an evil preacher for you. He probably saved my life that day. Some things you just don't forget."

The Slayer looked down momentarily. "I'd forgotten about that." She whispered.

"It's okay, Buff. You had other problems to deal with." The former carpenter smiled at her. "We all have."

Dawn joined them on the sofa where they'd settled after filling their plates. She motioned for Jake to come over and sit with them. He hesitantly came over and took a seat. Dawn introduced the artist to Xander, and then the four of them ate in companionable silence. Jake finished and took his plate back to the kitchen. When he returned he looked over at the male Scooby.

"Is Will okay?" Jake asked. Dawn glanced up, interested in the answer.

Xander pondered the question for a moment. "He will be. He was still asleep when I came down." He finished his breakfast and stood up. "I need to get back up there." He said, his attention already on the vampire he'd agreed to help.

Xander walked up the stairs, passing someone on the way. He nodded, going on up. Lindsey continued down and hesitantly wandered into the kitchen.

Wesley drew the lawyer to the side as soon as he entered. "I hope you know enough to behave yourself. You cannot leave the building; you will only hurt yourself if you try. Angel said you might be willing to help us. If that is true then we have no problems. I have to warn you that those people out there are not ordinary and can defend themselves without any effort at all. Am I clear?"

Lindsey nodded. "Very. Does that mean I won't be locked up any more?"

"That's exactly what it means. As long as you cause no problems, you won't be locked up. If you do act up, Gunn has permission to put you back in the cage." Wesley warned him.

Again Lindsey nodded as he picked up a plate. He refused to show it but hope was flaring that these people just might be his ticket out of hell.

Upstairs in his room, Xander walked silently to the adjoining door. He peered into the other room and was saddened to see that Spike hadn't moved from his previous position. He could see the vampire's unnecessary breathing and knew he was awake. Xander slowly entered and made his way to the bed.

"What do you want, Whelp?" The familiar Cockney accent was back in full force. Xander smiled a little at the old nickname.

"Just making sure you're okay. Had several people asking about you at breakfast." The brunette told him.

"That so?" There was no interest in the question.

Xander pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and sat down. "Yeah." He could see tension in the bare back. He noticed the blanket had been kicked off the end of the bed and wondered if there had been nightmares he hadn't heard. The sight of the leanly muscled vampire curled into a fetal position was distressing.

"Are you hungry?" Xander asked quietly.

"No."

Xander waited but apparently there would be no more. "Do you want to talk?" He tried again.

"NO!"

This time there was some emotion behind the single word. Xander just sat there patiently and waited. He didn't have to wait long.

Spike rolled over and glared at him malevolently. "Why are you here?" He snarled.

"Waiting until you feel like talking." Xander answered mildly.

Spike sat up. "Go annoy somebody else."

"Can't do that."

"WHY NOT?" Spike roared.

"It's my job to help you." Xander told him.

"I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP!" The vampire shouted.

"You might not want it but you need it. Besides, you wouldn't let any one else near you last night." The human remained unperturbed.

Spike pulled his knees up to his chin. He glared at Xander. "Then tell me why." The demand was quieter, almost defeated.

"Why what?" Xander was puzzled over the sudden question.

"Why am I here? Why was I dragged out of Heaven? I was finished. I was at **_peace_**. _Tell me why I'm back in hell_." Spike dropped his forehead onto his knees as he finished his impassioned plea.

Xander closed his eyes. "God, Spike, I didn't know."

"I wasn't sure. But now that I have my memory back, I know. I don't understand. Am I being punished? Was it a mistake? I got kicked out because I wasn't supposed to be there in the first place?" The quiet questions were laden with pain.

"No. I'm sure it wasn't a mistake. You saved the world. You earned Heaven. I don't know why you're back. But I will tell you that Buffy hasn't been the same since you died. She all but stopped living. I believe that if it hadn't been for Dawn, she would have tried to join you." Xander confided.

"I died so she could have a normal life! How dare she not take advantage? What the hell was it all for if she didn't go out and find some nice guy to settle down with?" Spike's eyes blazed blue fire at the information that Buffy hadn't moved on without him. He'd known she was thrilled to have him back but she hadn't told him what she'd been doing in the six months he hadn't been with her.

"Did you move on after she died? Did you go out and get a new girl and settle down? She died so we could live. Did you take advantage of that?" Xander asked.

"NO! GOD NO! How could I? **_I loved her._** She wasn't gone long enough for me to even **_think_** about anyone else. Don't be daft." Spike retorted heatedly, incensed at the idea he could have gotten over Buffy so soon.

"There's your answer. She loves you. She couldn't move on. She mourned you deeply. Seeing you was probably the happiest moment of her entire life." Xander said gently.

"I didn't think she meant it." Spike whispered.

The brunette looked at him sympathetically. "She knew that." He watched the emotions chase across Spike's face for a moment. Grief, sadness and pain were all reflected in Spike's sapphire gaze.

"Do you have all your memories back in place?" He asked.

Spike shook his head. "I'm still trying to sort out some of it. I've been around a long time. That's a lotta memories."

Xander grinned. "We know. Cordy pointed it out."

"Cheerleader was right." Spike looked at Xander more closely. "Wait a minute. Weren't you sporting the pirate look when I dusted?"


	26. Hiding

Hiding

Disclaimer: I don't own them

Summary: Spike is looking for answers that no one has.

Reviews: Yes, reviews are longed for, needed more than air and I'm willing to beg, please, please, please. They keep the muse happy. I love all reviewers. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: I was just as surprised as the rest of you when Spike came out with that statement about the pirate look so I had to come up with a story to explain it. This is what they said. I take no responsibility for what they came up with. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I really, really suck at having a lot of people in a scene at once, I'm trying to get better, so if I forget someone, let me know so I can fix it. I know this is a short chapter (again!) but I'll make up for it in the next chapter. I promise.

veganschoolgirl: Honey, if you stake me then I'll be dust and the story will never get finished.

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Spike sat on the bed cross-legged with his head tilted inquiringly.

Xander looked at the floor sheepishly. "Yeah, well. There's a story there."

Spike smirked. "Not going anywhere, not getting any older. Spill it. What did you do? Did Red pull some major mojo and replace it? That could be dangerous, you know."

The brunette shook his head, strangely happy to see that smirk. "It wasn't Willow. Angel has this friend. He's a demon but he's nice. He owns a club. We should go there."

The vampire huffed in exasperation. "Will you just tell me already? What did you do?"

"Well, Lorne, that's Angel's friend. He knows a lot of people, because of the club. We came here after that thing with the First. Buffy and I, we needed some space." An expression of unbearable grief crossed Xander's face.

"Why did _you_ need space?" Realization dawned as soon as the question was uttered. Horror darkened Spike's eyes "No. Demon…I mean… Anya didn't make it? Damn, Harris. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I'm getting better. I can almost go an hour without thinking about her." Xander whispered, sorrow obvious in his dark chocolate gaze.

"I know how you feel." Spike told him somberly. They were both silent for a moment remembering the ex-vengeance demon.

"Okay, you needed space and Peaches has a friend who owns a club and knows people. _What_ has all that got to do with your eye?" Spike asked with irritation.

"Lorne knows a plastic surgeon who's been doing research with transplants. Since the injury was recent, he thought I would be a likely candidate for an ocular transplant. A few tests, a couple of days in the hospital combined with just a little magic because the doctor's a witch, and presto. Two working eyeballs." Xander grinned.

Spike began to laugh. "Are you telling me that you underwent experimental surgery performed by a _witch-doctor_?"

Xander laughed too. "If you want to put it that way… But no, the doctor just happens to be a witch."

"All I can say is…good on you. I hated what that wanker preacher did, I wish I could have prevented it." Spike ducked his head. He began folding pleats in his sheet.

"No one could have. It's just the way things work out sometimes." Xander studied the floor. He looked up. "Are you hungry?"

Spike shook his head. "No. I think I want to go back to sleep."

Xander nodded. "When are you gonna come back downstairs?"

Spike flinched. "Not sure I ever want to."

"Spike, Buffy and Dawn love you so much. They missed you while you were gone." The brunette told him gently.

"I know, they told me. I love them too." The vampire admitted almost inaudibly. He bit his lip and looked away, his deep blue gaze glittering with unshed tears.

"Then why are you hiding?" Xander asked.

Spike closed his eyes, concealing the deep pain Xander glimpsed in the sapphire depths. He inhaled deeply in an attempt to regain his composure. "I have a lot of memories to sort yet. I…um…remember how Buffy was when she came back. She told me the other day how our relationship was, she didn't hide anything, but it didn't sink in until I remembered it myself. It was a bad time." He sighed. Long minutes passed. Xander watched and waited knowing there was more.

"Why did she wait until I was dying to say she loved me? Did I have to die to be good enough to love?" He whispered, his head bowed, his voice hoarse with renewed heartache. Xander swallowed the lump that rose in his throat when he saw the single tear sliding down the vampire's lean face.

"I don't know." The former carpenter said. He watched as Spike curled up on the bed and knew the vampire would not be getting any sleep. He didn't say anything more as he quietly got up and left.

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Xander went downstairs just in time to see Wesley, Susan, Dawn and Jake leave for the grocery store. He wandered over to where Giles was reading one of Wesley's ancient books. He looked around to see where Buffy was. She was deep in conversation with Willow on the other side of the room. She hadn't noticed his arrival.

Giles looked up at the young man he considered a son. "You look troubled. Is Spike okay?" The former watcher marked his place in the book with a slip of paper.

Xander sat down in a nearby chair. "No. Not really. He's still trying to sort through his memories. He's trying to come to terms with some of what went on right after we brought Buffy back. I guess she hurt him pretty bad."

The older man cleaned his glasses. "I gathered it was a bad time all the way around."

Xander nodded. "He wants to know why he was pulled out of Heaven. God, Giles! He was in Heaven and someone or something did the same thing to him that we did to Buffy. He thinks it's because it was a mistake and he didn't deserve to be there in the first place. He's hurting so much right now and I don't know how to help."

"I'm sure it wasn't a mistake. There has to be some way we can find out why he was brought back." Rupert replaced his glasses and frowned.

"There is." Angel stood in front of them. "I'm going to ask the Oracles."

"I think that's very good idea." Giles told him. "When are you going?"

"As soon as the sun goes down." The dark vampire stated. "Xander, is there anything Spike needs?"

"Time, rest, reassurance, understanding. None of the above, all of the above. I don't know what I can do, what anyone can do. I think answers would be the best thing for him right now." Xander shrugged.

"He'll have them." Angel vowed.

Everyone turned as the front doors burst open. Wesley and Susan stood on the step disheveled and breathless. Buffy and Angel rushed over to support the couple, guiding them over to the sofa.

Wesley gasped for air. "Dawn and Jake, they're gone."


	27. Gone

Gone

Disclaimer: I'm only using them for my own evil purposes. I don't own anything worth suing for.

Summary: I'm not telling.

Reviews: Yes, please. I love reviews and adore reviewers. I even revere readers. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: The next chapter wrote itself before I could finish this one but I'm not posting it til tomorrow or the next day (evil snicker) just cause I love to torment. So go ahead and review to tell me how much you hate me, how evil I am. If enough words of hatred are heaped on my wicked head, I'll post it faster. (My evil unsouled alter ego just wrote that last part and won't let me erase it. As soon as I break free from her unholy influence, the next chapter will go up. No, back off! Let me go!)

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Cordelia brought glasses of water to Wesley and Susan. Wes gulped it gratefully. Susan sipped at hers, tears slipping tiredly down her face.

Angel knelt in front of them. "What happened?"

Wesley closed his eyes. "It was my fault. I wasn't careful enough. I didn't realize…"

Angel gripped Wesley's shoulder. "It wasn't your fault. Go on."

The younger Englishman inhaled deeply. "A van from Wolfram and Hart followed us to the grocery store. When we got out of the car, Dawn and Jake lagged behind a little. They were talking. The van raced up and they were pulled in before we could do anything."

Buffy strode over to the weapons cabinet. "Where is this place?" She asked, beginning to select weapons.

Angel went to stop her. "Those won't help. We have an ace in the hole. Lindsey!" The name was shouted.

The lawyer appeared at the top of the stairs. He took in the scene below. "What happened?"

"Your firm kidnapped Buffy's sister and Susan's cousin. You're going to help us get them back." Angel stated.

"Okay." Lindsey's ready acquiescence surprised those who knew him but Angel had expected it. It was the reason he'd emphasized the relationships of the two captives. Lindsey hurried down the stairs. "What do you need me to do?"

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Dawn and Jake were blindfolded as soon as they were pulled into the van. They had no way of knowing where they were. Their hands were tied behind their backs and as soon as the van stopped, they were pulled out and led into a building.

"You can't do this. You can't keep us here. My sister is so gonna kick your ass. You do not know who you're dealing with." Dawn was more than scared she was pissed. Why did she always have to be the one getting kidnapped? Just once, she wanted to be on the rescuing side of things. She could feel Jake trembling beside her as they were led into an elevator. She wanted to let go and shake too, but knew the best way to survive was to never show your fear. She'd learned that from Spike. She wished with her whole being that she was with Spike. A small smile touched her mouth when she thought of the damage her vampire would do to the wankers stupid enough to kidnap 'his Niblet'.

The car stopped and they were led down a hallway. They could feel plush carpeting under their shoes. A key scraped in a lock and they were shoved into another room. They were pushed onto chairs and their hands were untied. Dawn immediately reached up to remove the blindfold. She saw Jake doing the same thing. They seemed to be in an apartment. A brunette woman was standing by the door.

"What is it with bitches kidnapping me?" Dawn demanded in irritation.

"Your friend Angel has our property." Lilah stated calmly.

"And this affects me how?" Dawn baited her.

"You are going to help us get it back." Lilah told them.

Dawn shook her head. "I make it a habit to never help evil bitches." She spat.

"But you don't have to do anything. You're helping right now. As soon as your friends give us back our property, including the vampire that's attached to it, you can go back." Lilah told them.

Dawn looked at her. She couldn't help it. She began to giggle. Her big blue eyes met Jake's gray gaze and they both burst into fits of laughter.

Lilah looked at them in disbelief. "What's so funny?"

Dawn flicked a glance at her. "You wouldn't get it." She wheezed.

"Try me." Lilah hissed.

Jake shook his head. "It's too complicated for you." He managed between his guffaws.

Lilah slammed the door in her fit of anger. She locked it and posted guards on it and around all the exits to the building.

Jake controlled his mirth. "Think we pissed her off?"

"I'd say that was definitely a pissed off bitch." Dawn agreed. "Let's check this place out." She got up and began investigating the apartment. There were two bedrooms but they doubted they would be used. The refrigerator in the kitchen was full. Dawn pulled out a canned soda. Jake stopped her from opening it.

"It might be tampered with." He warned.

She shook her head, long dark hair swinging. "Spike told me it was impossible to tamper with canned stuff." She grinned and handed her companion a drink. She checked cupboards and was delighted to see several different kinds of canned goods. "We're all set food wise. Let's go see if there's a television."

Jake followed the intriguing teenager into the living room. "Aren't you scared?" He asked.

Dawn looked at him. "Nope. I've been kidnapped before. They never hurt me because they always want something else. Well except for that one time that this hell goddess bitch wanted to drain all my blood to open a portal and go to her own hell dimension. Spike tried to stop her and got hurt. My sister died but her friends brought her back after a few months."

"Does everyone you know die and come back?" Jake asked, bemused.

Dawn tilted her head, thinking that one over. "No, just Buffy and Spike. Oh, and Angel that one time that Buffy had to kill him to save the world. Technically, I wasn't there yet but I remember it."

"Huh?" Jake just wasn't following her line of thinking. She sat down of the sofa and patted the cushion next to her.

"We have time. I'll tell you about a whole other world." She invited. "I guess you know about vampires, living with Spike and all?" He nodded. "Well, the thing is…" And she told him about a life of slayers and demons, vampires and keys. The time of their captivity passed swiftly.

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At the Hyperion, plans were being made.

"Xander, go up and get everyone else. Don't bother Spike yet. We may be able to get them back first. I just want everyone else here in the lobby. Willow, are you up for some magic?" Angel began giving orders.

Willow nodded grimly. "Always."

Giles went into Wesley's office and searched for the bottle of bourbon he knew his colleague kept there. He found it and snagged two small glasses before going back out to the lobby. He poured Wes and Susan each a drink. "I think we should order in for a while. I'll charge it to the council card." He suggested.

"That's a good idea. Thanks, Rupert." Angel accepted gratefully.

"Is there a butcher who will deliver? You and Spike will need supplies as well." Giles recalled.

Angel nodded. "He'll deliver." Giles shuddered to think what would happen if the butcher refused.

Gunn and Fred joined the rest in the lobby. The planning began. They debated the pros and cons of Angel's scheme for several hours before the dark vampire convinced everyone that it would work. He asked Wesley to retrieve the broken amulet.

True to his word, Giles ordered dinner for them all as Wesley called the butcher for a delivery.

"Xander, have you checked on Spike recently?" Buffy asked.

Xander checked his watch. "Damn, we've been so busy, I kinda forgot. I'll do it now." He bounded up the stairs, returning in seconds. His face was grim. "He's gone."


	28. Caritas

Caritas

Disclaimer: Too poor to own them, too obsessed not to play with them.

Summary: Where Spike went.

Reviews: Yes, please. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: I'm totally loving how everyone thinks Spike went looking for Dawn and Jake. (insert evil laughter)

Demonica Mills: Yep, total adoration going on here.

Sibling Creature: Do you really think Dawn told Jake anything the Senior Partners don't already know?

WayWard Childe: WELCOME BACK! So glad you're feeling better. Please tell Faith thanks for her help with that. Take care of yourself to prevent a relapse. The Order of Taraka? Please no. It's the evil alter ego I swear it. I didn't do it.

The song is something I stumbled across on MusicSongLyrics website by some group (?)/artist (?) I've never heard of. It's 'Damned If I Do' by Life of Agony. So I don't know the melody, I just thought it sounded sad enough for the guitar and the words seemed so perfect for Spike's situation. I know this is kind of a spoiler for the chapter but I think the title probably gave it away already.

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Spike listened to Xander leave. He gave up the pretense of sleeping and rolled back over, draping an arm over his eyes. So much to process. It seemed impossible. He could remember everything but some of it still felt out of order. The clearest memories were the most recent ones, Buffy, the near-rape, the soul and dying. Feeling the flames tear through him. _Heaven_. The memory of Dawn treating him like a stranger stung. He'd loved her so much he'd nearly died protecting her and one moment of insanity had ripped it all apart.

Suddenly he sat up. This was useless. Lying around feeling sorry for himself was going to put him right back in the basement. He rose from the bed and went into the shower. He stood under the hot water for a long time, letting the warmth seep into his cool body. Finally, he summoned enough interest to actually wash, doing it quickly and getting out. He rummaged through his bag someone had been thoughtful enough to bring up and found his clean clothes.

Once dressed, he debated briefly on what to do next. Irrationally, he felt the need for a drink. He hadn't fed in several hours but could not bring himself to actually go downstairs and face them. He remembered something Harris had said; Angel knew a demon that owned a club. He wished with all his unbeating heart he'd asked what the name of it was. Maybe this demon was good enough a friend of Angel's he'd extend a little credit.

Spike stuck his head out of the door and checked the hallway. The coast seemed to be clear. He couldn't hear anything from the others but since he didn't extend his vampire senses, he wasn't trying to hear them. His room was at the top of the stairs leading down to the lobby. He turned away from the stairs and silently walked down the hall hoping for a back staircase. Luck was with him and he stealthily descended into a vast expanse of kitchen. He quickly located the back door and slipped out into the mid-afternoon sunshine.

He tilted his head back to enjoy the warm rays. It still wigged him out a little being in the sun. Was it only yesterday he'd joyfully discovered his new gift? He realized that it was indeed a gift, something to make his return a little more palatable. He snorted derisively, like it made up for Heaven. Briefly he wished for a cigarette and his duster. The cigarettes he hadn't remembered smoking until just a little while ago so it was more of an attempt to capture something of his prior life. The duster was probably still in the lobby and the thought of retrieving it was repulsive enough to quell the need for it.

After several failed tries, the spies from Wolfram and Hart determined that they couldn't enter the old hotel. They had been told to watch for a vampire with bleached platinum hair and a long black duster. The brunette who slipped out into the sun did so under their not-so-observant eyes. He stuck his hands in his jeans pockets, striking off in a random direction hoping against hope that he would stumble upon the club the Whelp had mentioned. Unaware that two of the people he cared for most in the world were now the subject of the drama unfolding in the lobby of the old hotel. No one noticed the slim figure in black strolling aimlessly along the sidewalk and away from the hotel that housed almost everyone who mattered to him.

Spike thought later that he must have been unconsciously following an old scent of Angel's as he found the club with surprising ease. He looked up at the neon sign with bemusement. Caritas – sanctuary. He fervently hoped so. Pulling open the door, he was soothed by the atmosphere he found in the nightclub. A tall green demon with red horns in his forehead and red eyes strode out from behind the bar to greet him. Spike had never seen a demon like him before and it disconcerted him.

"Well, hello! Welcome, although I must admit we're not quite open for the day yet." Lorne stopped and appraised Spike in surprise. "How did you get here? You being a vampire and all, it's a little bright out there, isn't it, Sunshine?"

Spike smiled shyly. "I seem to be a Daywalker." He explained. He was a little blinded by the shocking orange jacket that the demon wore casually. He blinked and looked up at the being he hoped would befriend him. "Are you Lorne?"

Lorne smiled broadly, charmed by the shyness of the Daywalker's smile. "That would be me, Sweetcheeks. What can I do for you?"

"You know Angel, right?" Spike began.

"Angelkins and I go way back. If you're a friend of his, well, the bar is open." Lorne gestured expansively.

"I…um… don't have any money." Spike ducked his head at the hesitant admission.

Lorne nodded. "Well, then. We'll just run a tab and let Angel-pie take care of it for you." He slung an arm over Spike's slender shoulders and led him to a chair at the bar.

Lorne took his place behind the bar and spread his arms. "What will it be, Sugarplum?"

"A beer?" Spike asked after a moment's consideration.

A huge grin met the request. "Judging by the delicious accent, I'm betting that you would enjoy something imported." Lorne brought out a bottle of dark lager from Europe. Spike's face lit up at the familiar label. He lifted the cold container to his mouth and closed his eyes in bliss as the rich flavor hit his tongue.

"If you're going to enjoy every bottle like that, I'm going to have to give you a private room." Lorne told him with a smile. He appreciated the sight of the vampire with his platinum tipped curly hair; deep sapphire eyes framed by dark lashes and sculpted cheekbones to die for. He hadn't seen anyone so scrumptious in a very long time.

Spike's eyes sparkled with humor as he carefully set the bottle on the bar. "Sorry, it's been a while since I've had one of these. I'll try to restrain myself."

"Not on my account, Blue Eyes. I love it when someone enjoys their drink." Lorne waved away the apology. "As long as they know when they've had enough enjoyment."

Spike nodded. "No worries there, Mate. Didn't plan on getting toasted. Just wanted to escape for a bit, is all."

Lorne's face took on a look of intense curiosity. "And just what would a sweetie like you need to escape from?"

"It's a long boring story." Spike looked down at the bar, slender fingers folding a cocktail napkin, all traces of humor erased.

"Hey, I own this place. I can devote as much of my time to a favored customer as I want." Lorne pointed to a booth in the far corner. "Let's move to my private space and you can tell Uncle Lorne all about it." He caught the hesitation on Spike's face. "If I'm going to know your life history, I'm going to need a name. Not that I'll use it but…" He shrugged.

Spike laughed. Lorne was shocked to hear a little hysteria in it. "A name. Which one would you like? I was born William, then I was reborn as Spike…"

Lorne interrupted him. "_You're_ Spike? Closing the Hellmouth? Saving the world? **_That Spike?_**"

Another humorless laugh broke free. "I see my reputation precedes me." Lorne moved over to the private booth. Spike got up and followed him, unsure exactly why. He settled into the rich upholstery and took another greatly appreciated sip of his drink.

"Anyway, for the last four months, I've been known as Will. Pretty much because I didn't know who I was." Spike rested his head on his fist and studied his beer bottle. "I still don't."

Lorne's red eyes gazed sympathetically at the Daywalker. "Does Angel know you're here?"

"Here in LA or here in your place?" Spike closed his eyes as he asked the question.

"Here in LA, Sugarplum." The green demon clarified.

Spike nodded wearily. "Oh, yeah. He helped me get my memory back. They don't know I'm here. I couldn't face them. I couldn't…" He broke of as his voice failed.

"You couldn't face the people who left you to die in that pit." The insightful statement surprised Spike, but he nodded.

"You've heard the story then?" Spike smiled sadly.

Lorne nodded. "From Xander, Buffy, Dawn, Angel and just about everyone else who knew you or were there. They mourned you and they blamed themselves. Buffy and Angel especially were guilt ridden over your demise. I've never had a sadder bunch of people in here before or since."

"It's wrong to feel this way. I love them. How can I blame them for something I chose to do?" He finished his beer and set the bottle aside.

Lorne studied him for a moment. "Sing for me."

"Oh bollocks! No way." Spike shook his head in disbelief.

"I read people, I can see their past, present and future when they sing. I can see the reasons behind things. I can help you. And you won't have to go through the pain of telling me." Lorne finished his explanation in a softer voice.

"I can't sing." Spike tried, but stopped as Lorne shook his head.

"You can't lie to me either, Pumpkin." Lorne admonished.

The vampire shrugged in defeat. "Do you have a guitar?" Spike asked.

Lorne nodded and got up, motioning for the vampire to follow. The club had opened while they had been talking so there was a sizable crowd already in attendance. Spike balked a little as the peaceful demon led him up to the stage, snagging a guitar from behind the bar on the way.

Spike settled on a stool positioned in the center of the stage and strummed the guitar softly for a moment. The crowd settled down as they noticed the slim muscular vampire spotlighted on the stage. Appreciation rustled through the assorted demons watching the handsome performer. They grew silent as he began to sing.

_Why do I feel so alone in a crowd of people I know  
Is it wrong to feel so insecure so unappealing?  
Why walk around in disguise with a fake grin on my face?  
What would it prove?  
What would I gain?  
I'd still feel so out of place  
Damned if I do  
Damned if I don't  
But I won't turn out like you  
Midlife crisis at the age of 22  
Who knew?  
I need some answers  
Cross the street and down the avenue  
I stopped for the woman  
Paid five bucks and got my palm read  
And she said  
You shouldn't be smiling boy  
This life line says you're already dead  
Just keep on moving forward never turning back  
But with every step ahead I take they pull me two steps back  
They pull me two steps back_

He strummed the guitar softly for a few more seconds before placing his fingers over the strings. The crowd shook itself from its stunned silence to burst into applause for the vampire's amazing singing voice. Spike's burnished head hung low for long moments before the noise registered and he looked up with a surprised smile. Lorne joined him on the stage and gently took the guitar. He leaned it against the stool and led the weary Daywalker back to the private booth. A fresh beer was waiting for Spike when he sat down. He picked it up like a lifeline and took a long swallow then sat back. He rested his head on the cushion with his eyes closed for several minutes, trying not to let it show that he was fighting back tears.

Lorne studied the most unusual creature he'd ever had the privilege of reading. This man had saved the world. He was a vampire who'd earned Heaven. He debated over the best way to soothe the torment he could plainly see even before the song.

He reached over and patted Spike's hand. "You should eat, Sweetling. I'll have the bartender bring you something, some of Angel's special stuff, if you know what I mean. I have to go attend to some business. It will give you a chance to compose yourself."

After a short word with the bartender, Lorne went into his office, closed the door and picked up the phone. He dialed a number from memory and waited for it to be picked up. "Hi, it's me. I need your help with something."


	29. Truth

Truth

Disclaimer: Real life sucks so I live in this world where I still own nothing.

Summary: A few truths are revealed.

Reviews: Yes please. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

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Dawn and Jake sat chatting companionably. He was a bit dazed about the sheer outrageousness of what she'd been telling him.

"So what year are you in at school?" He asked, attempting to move to more normal topics. He had the feeling he really didn't want to know.

She smiled shyly. "I'm a junior."

He groaned comically, placing a protective hand on his chest. "Your sister will stake me if I ask you out then?"

"Well, considering that her first boyfriend was a good two hundred and thirty plus years older than she was and her last boyfriend is over one hundred years older than she is, she really has no room to talk." Dawn giggled.

Jake raked a slender hand through his straight tobacco brown hair. "Well, that's a relief." He sighed theatrically. He sobered. "What are you doing after graduation?"

She considered the question for a moment even though she already knew the answer. "I'm moving to England to go to the Watcher's Academy. I'm going to be a Watcher."

"Wesley told Suzie that Watchers were older men." Jake recalled.

"A Watcher can be either a man or woman and they only seem older because the slayer is always young. Buffy became the slayer when she was fifteen. We had a female Watcher visit just before the big fight with Glory that I swear wanted to take Spike home with her and keep him for herself. It was almost embarrassing. He told me all about it during that summer after…" She stopped for a moment remembering that long sad summer.

"So after the Academy?" Jake strove to derail her sad reminiscing.

"I'll be assigned a slayer and wherever she's either living or needed, we'll live there." Dawn got up to go into the kitchen. "Are you hungry? _What_ is taking them so long?"

Jake got up to follow her as she started pulling promising cans from the cupboard. "I'm thinking that we're either at Wolfram and Hart or in a building they own, so it will take them awhile to figure out how to get to us. Or they could just trade the amulet for us." He added, a sparkle lighting his eyes.

She grinned. "Yep, that's just what they should do." She sobered. "I hope Spike's okay."

"I'm sure Xander's taking good care of him." He assured her.

Dawn opened a couple of cans of fruit. Searching the drawers produced silverware. She rinsed the utensils and avoiding contact with the dishes in the other cupboard, they ate straight from the cans. They wandered back to the living room and turned on the television they'd discovered on their earlier explorations. They watched in silence for several minutes before Jake spared a glance at his companion. He was unsettled to see large tears rolling down her heart-shaped face. He scooted closer.

"What's wrong?" He asked gently.

"He died thinking I hated him." She whispered.

Jake drew her head onto his shoulder. "Hush. He loves you. He knows you don't hate him. Even with his memories back, I'm sure he knows."

She buried her face into his shirt. "So much bad stuff happened last year. You have no idea."

He raised her chin with a gentle finger. "I'm the guy who listened to his nightmares for four months. I do have an idea. I also know for a fact that he never stopped loving you or your sister. He's just confused. He didn't mean to reject either of you last night. We just pushed too fast. If we'd used the approach Xander did, he wouldn't have been so resistant. But we didn't know. I'm sure he's better. He just needs rest and support."

"How'd you get so smart?" Dawn wiped stray tears from her face.

"Some of us are just born with both brains and beauty, it's a burden." He sighed, earning himself a half-hearted elbow to the ribs.

The teenager sat up. She leaned forward for a moment. "Maybe so. But I have the remote." She waved the gadget that she'd found on the coffee table in front of his face.

"HEY!"

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Angel dispatched everyone to search the hotel from attic to basement. Spike was nowhere to be found. As everyone converged on the lobby again Buffy sank onto the sofa in defeat.

"They have Dawn and Jake. Now they have Spike too. Can this day get any worse?" She buried her face in her hands.

Lindsey gazed at the door for a moment. He looked back at Buffy. "I don't think they have Spike."

"What makes you say so?" The slayer asked suspiciously.

The lawyer walked over to the door. He opened it and walked over the threshold. Or at least he attempted to. The instant his foot moved to cross the doorway he was repelled back into the room. The force wasn't enough to knock him off his feet. But it demonstrated that there wasn't any way any employee of Wolfram and Hart had spirited the younger vampire out of the building.

"Then where is he?" Angel demanded. "Why would he leave without telling anyone? It's daytime, how can he go out?"

Giles looked at Buffy. "No one told you?" He asked Angel.

"Told me what?" The dark vampire growled.

"Spike's a Daywalker." Buffy studied her fingers distractedly.

"Well, isn't that just great? And he got this when?" Angel's anger was growing.

"We found out yesterday. He was standing in front of a window and didn't burn. I haven't had time to really investigate it." Wesley laid a hand on Angel's arm in an attempt to calm his friend.

Willow looked up from her seat next to Buffy. "I could try a locator spell. We just need something of his. Come on, Buff, let's go check his room for something to use." The redhead pulled her friend up and they went upstairs to Spike's empty room.

Buffy sat on the bed holding Spike's discarded t-shirt in her lap. "Does he hate us that much he had to sneak out?" She asked sadly.

"No, Honey, he doesn't hate any of us…well, except maybe Angel. Oh, and Xander. He loves you. I could see it last night before they did the whole amulet thing. He just needs some time to adjust. You remember how hard it was when you came back. That shirt should do. Let's go see if Cordy has a map. We have a vamp to find." Willow hugged Buffy and led her back downstairs to set up for the spell.

Angel was incensed when the spell revealed that the runaway vampire was at Caritas. "It figures that he'd go get drunk." He raged.

"Now we don't know that's what he's doing." Giles attempted to restore the peace.

"It's what he always does when he's faced with any sort of difficulty." Angel ranted.

Xander got into Angel's face. "No, it isn't. It's certainly not what he did six months ago. If he had, we wouldn't be standing here. He's trying to process memories that cause him pain. He's hurting and he's unsure of what his status is. He's changed. Remember six months ago? Remember how you hurt for him? _You felt him die_. He went through that first hand and you wonder what he's thinking? He wants to know _why_. He's thinking he got kicked out of Heaven because he wasn't supposed to be there in the first place. _How would you feel if you thought you were in Heaven by mistake? _He knows that amulet was meant for you and he died in your place."

He looked around at the shocked faces surrounding him. "What? I can't see these things for myself? That I'm just a doofus who doesn't understand what's going on when the so-called Champion of the Powers That Be hands off the amulet that _he_ was given? You saw him last night, he's processing over a hundred years of memories and most of them **_hurt_**. Want to know what he asked me earlier?"

Everyone nodded silently, shaken by the unusually serious outburst from Xander.

"He asked me why Buffy waited until he was dying to tell him she loved him. He wanted to know if he had to die to be **_good enough to love_**." Xander ran his hand through his hair in agitation. He gazed around. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a vampire to find." He walked out into the fading afternoon light. The soft click of the closing door sounded louder than if he'd slammed it.


	30. Wreckage

Wreckage

Disclaimer: It's my world and I don't own it either.

Summary: Xander left a wreck and Lorne's trying to fix one.

Reviews: Yes, please. Oh. My. God! I have THREE HUNDRED REVIEWS! I cannot believe it. You all are so awesome. You're so generous with the reviews I love all of you so much! Readers Rock but REVIEWERS RULE!

A/N: Ms Selly: WELCOME BACK. I missed you. Your reviews are always wanted, needed and very appreciated.

WayWard Childe: Um…Peanut? Don't think I want to go there. Doesn't sound safe.

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Absolute silence reigned in Xander's wake. Wesley gazed somberly at the devastation created by the ringing truth in the young man's words. Buffy looked as if her heart had been shattered. Willow was attempting to comfort the petite blonde slayer. Wes's blue gaze landed on Giles, the older Brit appeared thoughtful. Gunn and Fred seemed uncomfortable to have witnessed something so distressing. Susan had tears in her eyes. Wes had a nearly uncontrollable urge to take her in his arms and offer solace. Lindsey had shrunk into a corner trying not to draw attention to himself. The younger Watcher had a moment's empathy for the lawyer drawn into a drama he had no prior knowledge of. Angel's flash of anger seemed to have burned out, leaving an expression of injured guilt on his handsome face. Cordelia had moved over to the tall vampire and clasped his large hand in one of her small ones. She ran the fingers of her free hand up and down Angel's arm attempting to calm her love.

Wesley cleared his throat. "Well. That was certainly…enlightening. I'm sure Xander will be able to sort this out and bring Spike back. Now, could I suggest we get back to our plan to extract Dawn and Jake from Wolfram and Hart?"

Willow gasped in outrage. "How can you be so callous? We have to fix this. We have to get Spike back here and make things right."

Wesley pinned her with his implacable blue gaze. "Spike is fine. However he got to Caritas, he is protected there. You know that as well as I do. Xander will be able to talk to Spike better than any of us. Our main concern right now is to get Dawn and Jake back. Whatever issues Spike still has with his memories will have to wait. Although Lorne may be helping him with them as we speak. In fact, I can't think of anyone better to assist Spike with his problems. Now, if I may. Lindsey, do you know what you have to do?"

Lindsey nodded. Nerves clenched his stomach. This would be the performance of a lifetime. By giving it, he could be saving the lives of himself and his entire family.

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Xander entered the club during the last few seconds of Spike's song. He listened to the thunderous applause for the vampire. He snagged a passing waitress and requested a beer for himself and asked her to give Spike a fresh bottle. He took his drink and melted into the shadows of a booth in the back of the club. He could see Lorne's private booth from where he sat and watched as Spike recovered his composure. He was immensely curious about what the Pylean had read from Spike. As soon as he could tell the vampire had regained his poise, Xander picked up his beer and ambled casually over to Lorne's table.

"Hey. I guess they liked your song." Xander said quietly as he slid into the booth.

Spike groaned softly. "How'd you find me?"

"Willow." Xander said simply.

"Good on Red then." Spike took a long swallow of his drink. "I'm not ready to go back."

Xander nodded. "That's cool. Neither am I."

"Guess Peaches was pissed I left, eh?" Spike opened his eyes and looked at Xander.

"That's one way of putting it." The human stated mildly. "He's not real happy with me either."

The vampire tilted his head curiously. "What'd you do to the old Poof?"

Xander smiled without any humor. "He jumped to an unfair conclusion so I told him a few hard truths."

"And you're still walking? I'm impressed." Spike lifted his beer in salute.

"I don't think Buffy's too thrilled with me either." Xander tapped his bottle against Spike's.

"Oops." Spike snickered. "Got the lot of them, did you? Would I be conceited to think this uproar was about me?"

"It was entirely about you." Xander confided. "Angel swore that you'd cut out to go get drunk. That it's all you ever do when things get difficult." He went on to relate the entire altercation.

Spike turned sideways on the bench and scooted along the booth until his head thudded against the wall. He stretched out his legs and got comfortable. "Damn."

Xander mirrored Spike's position on his side. "Yeah." They drank companionably for a while.

Spike stirred as a waitress cruised by to collect empty bottles. "Bring us another round, would you, Luv?" She nodded as Xander got out his wallet. "Put that away, Mate. Peaches is footing this tab."

"Gee, I wish I'd known that when I got here." Xander groused. They resumed their positions.

"What did the Sire from Hell want with me anyway?" Spike asked after a while.

"Oh, he didn't really. I went to check on you and you were gone. He got bent out of shape when we couldn't find you. Then Buffy told him you were a Daywalker and he got a bit more bent." Xander explained. "He wasn't going to tell you that Dawn and Jake are being held in exchange for the amulet."

"**_What?"_** Spike sat up in outrage. _"Why the Bloody Hell are we just sitting here?"_ He started to get out of the booth.

"Calm down, Evil Dead. The last place you need to be is anywhere near Wolfram and Hart. They don't just want their amulet back. They want the pet vampire they think is attached to it. They don't know it's broken and you're nobody's pet. Let the others handle it. They don't need us. Angel's supposed to be consulting with the Oracles to get some answers about you and the rest of them are following through with a plan to get Dawn and Jake back. Some lawyer named Lindsey is going to do the honors. We're safer here than anywhere else. There's a no violence spell on the place." Xander reached across the table and tugged at Spike's arm until he subsided back into his prior position.

"You better be sure about that. I can still bite, you know." Spike growled. Xander nodded complacently.

Lorne joined the two of them as they debated whether or not they wanted to get something to eat. Spike had consumed a large mug of the 'Angel Special' and felt much better but couldn't decide if it would be worth annoying his sire to run up a huge tab with Lorne. Reflecting back on what Xander had told him, he glanced over at the human and realized they were thinking the same thing. In unison, they leaned forward. "Waitress!"

Their order given, Spike glanced at Lorne. "Get all your business done?"

Lorne nodded. "I'm having someone meet me. She can help us get you back to feeling like you again."

Spike arched his scarred eyebrow in question but refrained from speaking.

Xander made to get up. "Want me to vacate so you can give Spike the lowdown?" He asked Lorne.

"That would be up to the golden voiced one." Lorne looked at Spike.

Spike shrugged. "Don't think Harris and I have many secrets left."

Xander settled back in his seat. Lorne gestured for a server to bring him a drink. It arrived in record time. He sipped the Sea Breeze with a sigh. Each moment that passed increased Spike's apprehension. He began to get the feeling he didn't want to know what the green demon had seen.

Lorne picked up on the vampire's unease. "Don't worry, Precious. I'm just figuring out where to start."

Spike let out an involuntary growl. "How about the beginning?"

Lorne smiled. "Okay. First off, your being in Heaven was a mistake."

Spike's head thumped the wall once, then again harder. His eyes squeezed closed. "Bloody Hell."

"Oh no, Cupcake. It was only a mistake because you weren't supposed to be there **_yet_**. Think of it as a promise of things to come. It _is_ in your future. You have earned it. It's just that you weren't finished. You haven't fulfilled your destiny." Lorne rushed to reassure him.

Xander grinned. "Told you."

Spike glared at him with that eyebrow raised again. "Prat." He said without malice.

"I can also tell you that you didn't have to die to be good enough. She was afraid to tell you sooner. So many men have left her that she was scared. Then you were leaving her, even though you didn't want to. She just didn't want you to die not knowing." Lorne ducked his head as he revealed that part. "She was heartbroken thinking you didn't believe her."

"I didn't." Spike murmured.

"Do you believe her now?" Lorne turned his knowing red eyes on the young vampire.

"I don't know." Spike bent his head and studied his beer bottle.

"Believe it, Sweetcheeks. She loves you." Lorne took a sip of his drink. "Now, about who you are. You are the same soulful vampire that dusted in that pit. You just got a little lost, that's all. My friend is going to help with that. You have a choice now."

Spike looked at him in confusion. "A choice?"

The food arrived and Lorne waited a few minutes for the server to it set down. He nodded. "A choice."


	31. Escape

Escape

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the massive pain in my jaw.

Summary: Lindsey makes his move.

Reviews: Yes please. I love reviewers. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long to get out but I've been suffering from an abscessed tooth and have been stoned on Vicodin for several days. I'm also very sorry this chapter is so short and isn't up to standards but I wasn't sure where they were going with it. I think they're mad at me for ignoring them in my agony. I know where I want them to go but I don't know how to get them there. Oh, and the next chapter is almost written and should be up sometime tomorrow or the next day. Anyway, time for another pill.

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Wesley nodded in satisfaction as Willow chanted over the amulet, restoring its appearance. The purpose was to repair it without reactivating its magic. All they needed to do was convince Lilah that Spike had not been corporeal upon his return and had vanished back into the trinket. Lindsey was responsible for convincing her of that. Gunn handed the lawyer back his cell phone.

Lindsey took a deep breath. Angel walked over to him. The vampire crouched next to the chair Lindsey sat in and pinned him with his dark gaze. "Are you sure you can do this?"

Lindsey nodded. "I have to do it. I have no other choice."

Angel frowned. "You always have choices."

"If I don't do this and do it right, I lose more than just my life." Lindsey declared. "They'll never believe you coerced me. They'll know I willingly worked with you."

Angel smiled grimly. "When Willow's done with you, _you'll_ believe it." He promised.

Lindsey frowned. "What do you mean?"

The redheaded witch came over to them. "We changed the plan. To make it more believable I'm going to adjust your memory so that what you tell Lilah will be true. As soon as it's over, the spell will wear off and you'll regain your true memories."

"They'll detect the magic." Lindsey muttered.

Willow grinned. "Not my magic, they won't."

Lindsey grimaced. "They always detect magic. Their witches are very powerful."

"Not nearly as powerful as I am." Willow stated.

The lawyer looked at her, seeing the confidence and feeling the level of power emanating from her. He nodded without further comment. Willow's eyes turned dark and she chanted again. His memories were now of spending the entire time in the cage in the basement. He remembered Gunn's questioning. He recalled conversations about Spike's incorporeal state and his subsequent disappearance back into the amulet. He looked at the slayer and saw her sorrow at losing her vampire.

Gunn fell into his role as jailer and grabbed Lindsey by the elbow, hoisted him out of his chair and shoved him back to the basement door. Following the script, Gunn pushed the lawyer into the cage. Fred followed them and stopped at the top of the stairs. She pretended to hear something from the lobby.

"Charles, Angel wants you. Cordy's had a vision. Hurry." She called.

Gunn closed the door and gave the key in the lock half a turn. The lock didn't catch Lindsey noticed, with a jolt of hope. The big black man dashed up the stairs and closed the door. It bounced on his slam and stood slightly ajar. Lindsey sat on the bed to wait. The thought that maybe he could escape filled him with renewed optimism.

He waited patiently until he couldn't hear any activity on the upper level. Cautiously he eased the door to the cage open and tiptoed up the stairs. He peeked through the crack left by the basement door. He couldn't see anyone. Stealthily, he opened the door just enough to slip out. He cautiously made his way through the empty lobby to the reception desk. The amulet was still lying on it. With speed born of desperation, he took it. He swiftly and silently walked to the front door and grasped the knob. He didn't notice Buffy and Willow watching him from a shadowed corner. Willow made a motion with her hand and Lindsey was able to walk through the door and into the impending darkness. The witch reversed the spell and once more Wolfram and Hart employees were barred from the old hotel.

Gunn and Fred emerged from their hiding places in Angel's office. "Won't he think that was just a little too easy?" Gunn asked curiously.

Willow shook her red head. "No. The spell I used on his memory is blocking any disbelief he might feel. His escape feels like he finally got a break. He'll go call Lilah now and have her come get him. We need to be out there to follow them."

Buffy looked at the others. "Gunn, you, Willow and Wesley need to go with me. Cordy, the rest of you need to wait for Angel." She held up her cell phone. "I'll call you when we know where they are."

Susan moved over to Wesley. "Take care." She told him.

He gazed down at her, his blue eyes roving over her lovely face. "We'll get him back." He promised.

She smiled up at him and shook her head. "Take care of you." She whispered. The smile he carried with him on the mission made the others shake their heads in amusement.

Giles laid his hand on Buffy's arm. "Be careful. This law firm is well known to be the ultimate evil. I shudder to think what would happen if you get caught."

Buffy reached up and kissed his cheek. "We'll be careful…Dad."

His abashed smile warmed her heart as the small group left to follow Lindsey and recover the missing members of their group.

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Lindsey waited anxiously for Lilah to pick him up. She'd promised to be there soon but with every minute that passed, he feared his escape would be discovered. Her dark blue sedan drew up to the curb smoothly and he jumped in.

"Do you have it?" She asked.

He frowned. "I'm fine. And yes, it's in my pocket."

"Good." She pulled away.

Long moments later a black jeep followed at a distance, Wesley at the wheel. They followed the lawyers for some time before they saw the sedan pull into a parking garage downtown. Wes circled the block and they all noted the guards at the entrances.

"That's going to make it hard." Gunn muttered.

Willow smiled calmly. "No, it isn't." She had Wes park across the street. Buffy made a quick call to give Cordelia the address. They casually walked up to the front door of the building. The witch motioned with her hand and the guard looked right past them as if they weren't there. They found themselves in an entryway that had an elevator on one side and a staircase on the other.

Willow led the small group up the staircase, pausing on each landing to determine which floor Lindsey and Lilah had gone to. She nodded when they reached the seventh floor. Buffy took the lead and pushed the door open, nodding for the others to follow. The stairway door clicked shut and they were halfway across the hall when an armed guard moved in behind them. Lilah entered the hall from a nearby door and smiled maliciously.

"Did you really think we wouldn't know?" She asked. The smile turned to laughter when she saw Willow beginning to cast a spell. "You're wasting your time witch. There are barriers in this building to prevent any active magic."

She walked over to another door and opened it. "Hey, you have company." She motioned for Buffy, Willow, Wes and Gunn to precede her through the door. They hesitated and the guard behind them clicked a round into the chamber, preparing to fire. The foursome filed glumly into the apartment. Jake and Dawn stood up from the sofa and gaped at the newcomers. The sisters flew into each other's arms.

Lilah smirked as she pulled the door closed. "I thought you said she was going to kick my ass." She laughed as she locked the door behind her.

Gunn looked around. "Damn."

Wesley gazed around. "Where's Lindsey?"


	32. Therapy

Therapy

Disclaimer: Still too poor for the dentist, too obsessed not to play in the Buffy-verse regardless of pain.

Summary: Lorne's friend arrives.

Reviews: Yes, please. Ya'll were so nice with the reviews for the last chapter. Thank you. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: I know it's short but they wouldn't tell me what's going on. Guess we'll find out soon. Still got the toothache and the pills are still making the world pleasantly fuzzy.

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Spike was on his fourth beer. With his vampire metabolism, it wasn't affecting him so he was rapidly considering a switch to something stronger. Since Lorne's surprising announcement that there was a choice to be made, Spike had grown increasingly restless. Xander gazed at the vampire with unreadable dark brown eyes, wondering what Spike would have to decide.

"What kind of choice?" Spike finally couldn't hold the question in.

"As soon as my friend gets here, we can explain." Lorne gestured to the server for another drink. All three men sat up as a petite woman approached. Lorne got up and bent low over her outstretched hand.

"Krista, darling, you get lovelier every time I see you." The Pylean cooed.

A grin lit her lovely face. "And you get more full of it every time I see you." Her voice reminded Spike of whiskey and sex, low and sultry. Its tones ran along his nerves like silk, soothing his anxiety. Her lavender eyes landed on Xander with obvious delight.

"Xander! I didn't know you were here." She jumped into his arms and kissed him soundly. He grinned at her enthusiasm.

"Lorne didn't tell me it was you he was expecting." The human told her.

She settled onto the bench next to Xander and let her gaze land on the vampire across the table. "Hi. I'm Krista. You know this human?" She slid an amused glance at Xander. He winked at her.

Spike smiled, a genuine smile for once. "Not that I'll admit to." He told her seriously. "Aren't you human?"

"You tell me." She teased.

Spike let his vampire senses extend and was surprised by what he found. "I've never met one before. Full-blooded?"

"Now you have. And no, my dad is human." Krista giggled; the sound was like bells in a breeze.

Spike's sapphire gaze absorbed her appearance. Her dark auburn hair curled gently around her face. Elegantly arched brows and thick black lashes framed her startling lavender eyes. His eyes tracked her delicate jaw line up to where he could just barely discern her tiny ears with their elfin points. She was a pixie. He switched his gaze to Lorne and arched his scarred eyebrow in question.

"Krista is a psychologist. She specializes in trauma victims." The green demon explained. He motioned for a server to take Krista's order, stalling for time to let Spike take in this new information. The vampire dropped his gaze to the table and his face closed in. His demeanor changed and everyone at the table felt his withdrawal.

Krista turned to Xander. "Who's the moody vamp?"

Xander's dark eyes watched Spike closely. "This is Spike."

The pixie glared at Lorne. _"You should have told me." _

Lorne's red eyes looked at her in apology. "I needed you to read him without preconceived ideas. You know the others. Everything they told you would have affected your initial impression. You know that." He explained.

Spike's head came up sharply. _"The others?"_ His tone was low and ominous.

"Spike, Krista counseled all of us after…um…six months ago." Xander hesitantly explained. Spike went back to studying the table.

"Oh." Spike said quietly.

Krista reached across the table to touch the hand Spike had wrapped around his beer bottle. The vampire jerked and shoved both hands under the table. The pixie pulled her hand back. She glanced at Xander, whose eyes were intent on Spike. She looked back at the vampire.

"Spike. I want to help you." She told him gently.

"I don't need any bloody help." He growled.

"Yes, you do." Xander interjected. "We all did. Me, Giles, Faith, Willow, Dawn and even Buffy, we all needed Krista's help. She helped us. She didn't take away the pain. She helped us deal with our losses."

"But you're still mourning Anya." Spike stated dully.

"I'm always going to mourn Ahn. But I'm not burying myself in the pain. If it hadn't been for Krista, I would have crawled into a liquor bottle and never come out. I owe her my sanity." Xander leaned over the table to get closer to Spike, making sure the vampire was listening.

Spike nodded once but didn't give up his contemplation of the tabletop. "I don't need help." He repeated, turning his face toward the wall. A muscle ticked in his jaw.

"Spike. Out of all of us, you need the most help. If we had known Krista two years ago, do you think Buffy coming back would have been as hard?" Xander felt a moment of guilt at the flinch he could see clearly on Spike's profile.

An echoing flinch crossed Lorne's face. Having heard what Spike had gone through during that time frame, the Pylean knew how difficult it had been for the vampire.

"What do you know about that? To you, to all of you bloody Scoobies Buffy was just fine, no problems dealing with her resurrection. _You don't know what I went through_." Bitterness laced Spike's voice.

"Yes, we do." Xander's voice was almost inaudible but Spike's vampiric hearing caught it.

"**_What_**?" Spike's blue eyes sparked amber in his sudden anger.

Krista decided it was time to intervene. "Buffy told us everything, Spike." Her melodious voice was pitched to soothe Spike's nerves.

Spike gave up. His anger faded. He rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He wrapped his arms around himself and mentally retreated as far he could. He didn't want to deal with it any more. It was too hard. He'd been through a lot in his long unlife but now he just couldn't take it any longer. Having everyone know what he'd viewed as his private indignity was the last straw. Buffy had apologized for the entire ordeal but at the time it seemed as if it had happened to someone else. He wished he'd never been brought back. He wanted to be back in Heaven. He just wanted to be gone.

Xander bent his head. This was going all wrong. He was failing miserably in his role as Spike's caretaker. Raising his head, his brown eyes swerved over to meet Krista's lavender gaze. Her delicate features were drawn with tension. She could sense him slipping away. She'd never lost one and she wasn't about to start with some stubborn vampire.

"Spike." No answer. "Spike, look at me." Krista's voice compelled him to obey. He didn't appear to hear her his retreat was so complete. She glared at Lorne. "I can't reach him if he won't look at me." She snapped.

Xander had an idea. He glanced at Krista trying to convey his intent. She nodded. "Will." He began. "You have to let Krista help you. Buffy and Dawn need you. We just got you back and we're not about to lose you now." Xander's low voice vibrated along Spike's raw nerves. "Will, for their sakes, look at me." Spike's eyes opened a fraction almost involuntarily.

"I can't do it anymore." The vampire whispered.

"Yes, you can." Xander insisted. "You're the strongest person I know."

"I'm not a person. I'm a vampire." Spike's eyes opened fully and he glared across at Xander.

"That's not exactly true." Krista inserted.

The three males at the table gaped at her. **_"What?"_**


	33. Plans

Plans

Disclaimer: Now I own another new person! Go me! The original Joss people all still belong to him. Darn it.

Summary: Too much to go into. Gotta read it to find out.

Reviews: Can't survive without them. Love readers. Adore reviewers. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: I see more new names on the reviewers list. Thank you. I love it when I pick up new readers. Gives me warm fuzzies to know people are enjoying my insanity.

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Jake walked over and extended his hand to Wesley. "Good try." He smiled. "Welcome to captivity. We have a well-stocked kitchen and full satellite television. Have to protect the remote from certain members of the female set though." He flicked a smiling glance at Dawn as he said it. She flipped an obscene gesture at him with a completely Spike-like smirk, earning a snicker from Gunn, a slight smile from Wesley and twin gasps of outrage from Buffy and Willow.

"Dawn! I can't believe you did that." Buffy cringed in embarrassment.

"It's okay. We've just spent most of the day with each other. What's a finger between friends? Besides, I figure she had a very good teacher. Some rude vampire we all know." Jake winked at the girls with a grin. He crossed over to the teenager and tapped her chin with a long finger. They smiled at each other. It then occurred to the newly arrived females that Jake was a very attractive man. Buffy gazed at her under-aged sister with suspicion in her green eyes. But a tiny part of the slayer was happy Jake wasn't a demon or vampire.

Gunn began inspecting the room for escape routes. Dawn followed his progress with amusement, her arms folded across her chest. "Give it up. There's no way out."

Willow wandered around the apartment moving from room to room and touching each outer wall with her hand. Jake watched her curiously but shrugged when no one else paid attention to her odd behavior.

Wesley glanced around. "You haven't seen Lindsey, have you?"

Jake tilted his head. "Lindsey?"

"The young man who was there at breakfast. He works for Wolfram and Hart. We followed him back here after he escaped from the hotel." Wes explained.

"No, we haven't seen him." Dawn answered.

"Right then. Willow?" Wes smiled at the witch. She returned the smile.

Projecting her thoughts, she reached out mentally to everyone in the room. 'Buffy?'

'Yes.' The slayer answered mentally.

'Wes?'

'Excellent. It worked.' The former watcher responded.

'Gunn?'

'Man, this still wigs me out.' Gunn shivered.

'Jake?'

The artist jumped at the unfamiliar feeling of someone else's voice in his head. 'Um…yes?'

'Dawn?' Willow polled the final member of the group.

'Cool. What are we doing?' The teenager grinned.

'We are making sure that they can't hear us.' Willow answered. 'Now that I have everyone's attention, it's obvious that they didn't detect my magic. And I've removed the feeble little magic barrier they had. They must have seen us enter the building on the security system just like you figured they would, Wes.'

'So Lindsey must be behind the door Lilah came out of earlier.' Buffy projected.

'I'd say that would be a fairly safe guess.' Wes nodded silently.

'So…what are we doing now?' Jake asked mentally.

'Waiting for the cavalry.' Buffy snickered.

'Huh?' Dawn frowned, confused.

'Angel is leading the second wave. All we had to do is get into the building and locate you.' Gunn explained.

'But you got caught.' Jake sent.

'That was the plan.' Willow smiled.

'And again with…huh?' Dawn's confusion increased.

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In the apartment next door.

Lindsey watched as Lilah handed the amulet to the witch seated at the kitchen table. The witch nodded. "The vampire's essence is here. I can feel it. He is telling the truth." She stated pointing to Lindsey. Lilah's smile chilled Lindsey to the bone.

"So I can go now? My family is safe?" Lindsey asked with more courage than he felt.

Lilah looked at him. "Why would you think that? You're too valuable now. You've seen inside Angel's stronghold. You know how to get around their building. How did you get out anyway? Our people couldn't get in."

"I just opened the door and left. Maybe it was only blocking people trying to get in." Lindsey shrugged and went to the refrigerator for something to drink. He should have known asking if he were free would be a waste of time. The only way to escape the clutches of his employers was death. It was an option that was looking more attractive by the day.

He sat down on the sofa in the living room and once more began answering Lilah's questions about his time in Angel's custody. He knew he would have to go over the ordeal several more times before the bitch was satisfied she'd extracted every detail.

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At the Hyperion.

Giles made his required phone call as soon as Cordelia hung up her cell. "Andrew. Are you there? Do you know what you have to do? How many slayers do you have with you?" He waited and was relieved the annoying young man seemed to have finally done something right. "Excellent. As soon as we call, take them to England and give them lodging in the Council building. They'll be protected there. When you get back have the coven enhance the shielding barriers."

Angel entered through the front door. His mind was still reeling from the information he'd gotten from the Oracles. The urge to go see Spike was almost overwhelming but he had too much to do before he could go to Caritas. He saw Rupert hanging up his cell phone.

"Everything set?" The dark vampire asked distractedly.

The former Watcher nodded. "Yes. Are you all right? What did they say?"

Angel shook himself. "I'm fine. Did Andrew get where he needed to be?"

Again Giles nodded. "He's just waiting for the go-ahead. Are you sure you're all right?"

"They had some very interesting information but I have to talk to Spike first. It's possible that Lorne already knows most of it." Angel told him. A rare smile lit his face. "It's amazing."

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At Caritas.

Xander, Lorne and Spike all stared at Krista in shock. "What are you going on about, Sprite?" Spike finally asked. He shifted his handsome features into game face. "I _am_ just a vampire. Nothing more. Want me to bite the Whelp here to prove it?" He shook the demon away.

"Hey, no biting. There's a no violence rule here, right Lorne?" Xander protested.

The Pylean only smiled benignly.

Krista ignored the man next to her and smiled. "You're not _just_ a vampire. You _are_ a person. You're more than both. You are a Daywalker. You have abilities no other vampire has, not even Angel. Most of them were released when you were freed from the amulet. Your soul is unique. You have an innocent soul. That's what sets you apart. You've earned Heaven. No other vampire has ever done that. Have you noticed anything out of the ordinary lately? Other than the whole going about in the sunshine that is."

Spike thought about it. "No. But then, before last night the only things I remembered about vampires I looked up on the Internet. I know now that the people who posted those websites know squat about vampires."

Xander ran his gaze over Spike and looked back at Krista. "The only differences I can see are that he's marginally nicer than he used to be, his hair is actually almost a normal color and his accent is a little bit more refined than it was before. But that's it."

"Sod off, Harris" Spike growled.

"Kiss my ass, Spike." Xander retorted mildly.

"Play nice boys." Krista admonished.

"Lorne mentioned a choice." Spike found his fingernails very interesting.

Krista's auburn curls danced as she nodded. "You do have a choice." Her sparkling eyes fixed on Spike's face. He met her gaze with his own sapphire stare. She saw all she needed to see in that mutual look. She grinned. "But it will be an easy one, I'm thinking."

Spike felt a sense of peace spread throughout his being as he gazed into the pixie's startling lavender eyes.


	34. Choices

Choices

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: Spike's options are revealed.

Reviews: Yes, please. Readers rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: To everyone who got frustrated over the delay in revealing Spike's choices, blame Lorne. He's the one who popped out with that little tidbit and didn't share with me. Kudos to Krista for sussing it out.

kim: Jake is 26. Susan told Buffy that in 'Sunshine'.

A huge THANK YOU and several quarts of O-neg to WayWard Childe for helping me work past my attack of self-doubt. You're awesome Dude! The reason for which is below.

This fic has gotten THREE nominations at Eurydice's Love's Last Glimpse Awards. 1: Best work in progress. 2: Best crossover, Angel/Buffy. 3: Best original character, Jake. Results will be announced on April 16, 2005. Bear hugs and Hershey's kisses to whoever nominated me. THANK YOU!

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Krista gazed deeply into Spike's dark blue eyes for another moment before she nodded decisively. "You get to choose how you life goes from this point on. The Powers That Be can remove your memories permanently and you go back to living in peace on the mountain with Jake. You would have no more nightmares, no more fighting, no more pain, only peace and contentment. Or…" She paused.

"Sounds right attractive, Pet. The last four months have been peaceful, except for the nightmares, of course." Spike remarked. "What's the flip side?" His sense of peace faded away quickly as an idea of what she was going to say drifted through his mind.

"You stay with Buffy. You share the rest of your life with her, fighting the good fight. Another Champion for the Powers. You use all your new and old abilities in that fight. The two of you can stay here in LA and work with Angel or you can relocate to wherever you want. You are free to go but the fight against good and evil will continue and you will be a major player on the side of good." Krista continued, sipping her drink as she paused.

"If I chose to go back to the mountain, what happens to Buffy, Dawn and the rest, what will they remember?" The quiet question Spike asked sent a chill down Xander's back.

"They will forget any of this happened. You'll be a beloved memory. They will still fight the good fight but without you." Krista answered.

Spike looked thoughtful. Xander and Lorne remained silent. "What are these 'new abilities' you keep going on about?" The vampire finally asked.

"Well, first off, you are now almost completely immortal." Krista began.

"Was immortal before, Luv." Spike inserted.

"Ah, but now, you are more so. Remember how hard it was to kill the ubervamps, the Turokan?" She asked.

Spike and Xander both winced at the memory. The ubervamps had been next to impossible to kill. The one who had nearly defeated Buffy had also tortured Spike unmercifully both mentally and physically. Krista noted their twin expressions.

"You are now even harder to dust than that. I'm not saying you can't be killed, it's just someone would have to work even harder at it than ever before. Besides, if you can never be killed, how would you ever get back to Heaven?" She grinned at the shock on Spike's face.

"You are now faster and stronger than any other vampire in history, including Angelus. You are a Daywalker. It's almost as if you absorbed some of Buffy's abilities without draining anything from her. Do you understand?" The pixie sat back and watched the emotions chasing across Spike's face.

Spike slowly shook his head. His mind whirled once more with confusion. He felt almost as nauseous as he had the night before when his memory had been restored. The ramifications of his new choice began to give him a headache. The pain beginning to build in his skull darkened his eyes.

Xander noticed the uncertainty and pain that was beginning to appear in Spike's eyes. When he'd first heard Krista detail the choices, it had seemed a slam-dunk. No way would Spike leave Buffy and Dawn again. But now a frisson of doubt inched its way down his spine. What would they do if Spike chose not to stay?

"I need to talk to Angel." Spike's low voice startled Lorne and Krista; he'd been silent for several minutes. Xander's doubt turned to fear. Spike **_never_** called Angel by name.

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Angel dug his cell phone out of his pocket, shoving the information about Spike to the back of his mind. He dialed a number he'd hoped he would never have reason to call and waited as it rang.

"Hello, Angel." Lilah's voice grated on Angel's nerves.

"Lilah." He answered tersely. "You have something of mine."

"Then maybe you shouldn't misplace them." She baited the vampire.

Angel suppressed the urge to growl. "If you know what's good for you…" Her laughter cut him off.

"Do you really think I'm afraid of you?" Lilah asked incredulously. "The way I see it, I have all the aces. When I decide what I want in exchange I'll let you know." She hung up.

Angel gazed up at the building in front of him and smiled unpleasantly.

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Willow looked into the face of each person in the room. 'Are we clear on what we have to do?' She projected.

Everyone nodded.

The witch thought of a question she needed to ask. 'Dawn, have you mentioned Spike since you've been here?'

The teenager nodded. Willow looked meaningfully at Buffy. 'Dawn, ask Buffy about Spike. Out loud.' The witch instructed.

With a bewildered expression, Dawn turned to her sister. "Buffy, is Spike okay?"

The slayer led her sister to the sofa. Jake followed curiously and sat on the other side of Dawn. He had the feeling he was going to be needed.

The blonde bit her lip and took Dawn's hand. The teenager began to shake. "What happened?" She asked.

Buffy looked at her sister intently. "It's about Spike being incorporeal." Nodding her head so Dawn and Jake would get the hint to go along with it.

"W-what about it?" Dawn asked hesitantly, unconsciously seeking Jake's hand with her own.

"What happened? Is he solid? I know he was tired of being a ghost." Jake squeezed Dawn's hand so she'd play along.

"He's gone. He disappeared back into the amulet after you guys left for the store earlier." Buffy told them.

Dawn turned into Jake's arms and burst into tears. Jake caught Buffy's gaze and blinked when she winked at him. He immediately put his mouth next to Dawn's ear and whispered almost inaudibly. "He's okay. It's part of the plan. Just go with it. Do you need me to pinch you so you'll cry more?" He was rewarded by a small fist pounding his shoulder.

"We just got him back. How can he be gone?" Dawn sobbed. Her tears dried as she played up her grief. "Can Willow get him back out?" She asked desperately.

"Lindsey stole the amulet." Wesley informed her soberly, his tone belied the slight smile on his face at her theatrical show of distress. "That's why we followed him. Without the amulet, we lost our bargaining chip in getting the two of you back. We also don't have any way of retrieving Spike without it." He continued.

"And succeeded in getting yourselves caught." Jake said acidly. "Great. You have nothing to bargain with and no way out. Now what?"

Willow watched from her position by the window. She glanced outside and smiled. 'Hey, guys.' She hailed them all mentally. 'Angel's here.'

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At the Hyperion.

Giles looked up as the front doors flew open. A huge smile crossed his handsome face when he identified the newcomer. He picked up Spike's duster and held it out. "Glad you could make it. We can use your help. First, though, I need for you to…" A brisk nod acknowledged his instructions and the front doors swung closed.

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At Caritas.

A hush fell over the usual noise of the club. Spike raised his head as his silent contemplation was interrupted. His blue eyes flashed amber and a snarl rumbled deep in his chest.

"Spike? What's wrong?" Xander asked as he watched the vampire scan the room.

"Slayer." Spike hissed.

Seconds later the source of Spike's tension sauntered up to the table. "Spike. Heard you were back."


	35. Action

Action

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: It's here! The rescue you've all been waiting for. The gang gets a little action.

Reviews: Yes, please. Need reviews more than anything, except maybe a daily dose of Spike. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: I know some of you got a bit frustrated with the slowness of the last few chapters. I'm over that now and I gotta tell you, I'm happy you stuck it out with me. As a reward, you not only get a longer chapter but you get some action.

SpikingJennsAngel: This is a SPIKE/BUFFY FIC. Sorry if it's not your thing but that's the way it's going.

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Spike looked up at the dark-haired slayer standing at the end of the booth. A genuine smile erased the tension from his lean features. "Faith." He noticed the black leather clenched in her hand. "Isn't that mine?"

Faith nodded. "Giles sent it over. Seems he wants us to go help Angel. Like the hair by the way." She grinned as he raised his hand to run slender fingers through the pale gold-tipped curls. Her gazed settled on the others at the table.

"Xan-man, how you doing? Krista, they got you trying to help this hopeless vamp? Lorne. What can I say? Good to see you." She greeted each in turn.

Xander smiled at her. He hadn't seen her in months and he'd missed her take-no-prisoners attitude. "I'm doing good. Got called in to vamp-sit." He grinned at Spike's baleful glare.

Krista scanned Faith with curious lavender eyes. Liking what she saw, she grinned. "I do what I can to help. But I don't think he's hopeless."

Lorne nodded his greeting. The bouncer came over so he excused himself to attend to business. Faith smiled as he stood. "I'll be back later to have a drink. Gotta go kick some ass now though." She patted the green demon on the back as he passed.

Spike slid out of the booth and held his hand out for his duster. Faith watched as the old leather settled on his shoulders. A change came over the Daywalker. He stood a little straighter and his eyes took on a don't-mess-with-me glint. "What does Peaches need help with?"

"He's over where Wolfram and Hart have Dawn, some dude named Jake and some of the rest of the gang. He wants us to go over and help Angel get em back. Could be some bloodshed involved. Are you up for it?" She asked as a smirk crossed Spike's face.

"Sounds like fun. Let's go. Harris? You coming?" Krista slid out to let Xander join Spike and Faith.

The pixie looked up at the trio. "I'll go over to the Hyperion. I think I may be needed later." She said. Xander and Faith, being aware of Krista's methods, merely nodded. Spike sent her a curious glance but got distracted when Faith smacked him on the shoulder.

"Let's go." The slayer led the way out of the club and over to a rental car. Twenty minutes later they were standing next to Angel looking up at a window where they could clearly see Willow's silhouette.

Willow noted the new arrivals from her position at the window. She turned back to the room and smiled. "They're here." She said out loud.

Wesley's blue eyes gleamed with amusement. "Well, I guess it's time." He said.

In the apartment next door, Lilah listened with growing confusion. "Time for what?" She asked Lindsey. He shrugged. He knew nothing of any plans the Angel team may have cooked up. He watched her as she stood up and stalked to the door. The witch still seated at the kitchen table murmured another incantation over the amulet but it stubbornly refused to give up its secrets. She was becoming frustrated over the lack of reaction her magic was having on the supposedly powerful trinket. She could feel the vampire's essence and she'd been trying on Lilah's orders to extract it so the vampire could be controlled by Wolfram and Hart but to no avail. The amulet remained dormant.

"Come with me." Lilah snapped at Lindsey. With a feeling of doom he followed her out the door and to the apartment down the hall. He watched as she unlocked the door and stormed through. The armed guard didn't blink as she passed him, merely standing his post and kept an eye out for the vampire he'd been warned about. Angel.

On the sidewalk outside, Spike searched the pockets of his duster in vain and started when Faith held a cigarette up in front of his face. "Thanks, Luv." He took it gratefully and accepted the light she offered.

"What's the delay?" He exhaled smoke at his sire as he asked the question.

"Just need the sign from Willow." The older vampire waved his hand in front of his face in irritation. Blithely ignoring the fact that he didn't need to breathe and therefore the smoke shouldn't bother him.

Willow watched and made sure Lilah and Lindsey were both in the room and the door was shut. Gunn silently moved over so that he stood between the lawyers and the door. Wesley wandered nonchalantly over to stand next to Buffy, Dawn and Jake. Willow stood by the window. She glanced over at the glass doors leading out to a small balcony. Since the apartment was on the seventh floor, they hadn't bothered to do more than lock the doors.

The redhead extended her telepathy and connected with Angel. 'They're in. Come on up.'

Downstairs, the elder vampire nodded. "It's time." He stated. Pointing up he directed Spike's attention. "Spike, do you see that balcony?" His Childe gaped at the balcony on the seventh floor.

"What about it?" Spike asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"I want you to jump up there." Angel fulfilled Spike's fear.

"No bleeding way! You're the only one I know who can jump more than ten feet and not even you can do seven floors. You're off your bird." Spike threw his spent cigarette down and ground it out viciously with his boot.

Angel grasped Spike's face in his large hand. Adopting his 'Sire's' voice, he compelled Spike to listen. "Look at me. **_You can do it_**. It's part of your new skills. Trust me."

"Those words never mean any good coming from you." Spike looked at the balcony then back at Angel. He shook his head vehemently, resistance in every line of his slender body.

Angel moved to stand behind Spike. His hand slid around Spike's throat and held his face up forcing him to look at the balcony. Angel put his mouth next to Spike's ear.

"Close your eyes for a moment and listen." The older vampire's voice took on a faintly hypnotic tone. He tightened his fingers until Spike's blue eyes fluttered closed.

"You can do this. Buffy and Dawn are up there. Reach inside yourself. Feel the power. Let it flow through you." He eased his hand from Spike's throat, moving it to his shoulder.

With a slight shove, he urged Spike toward the building. "Open your eyes. Run then jump. Stay there until you hear the alarm. Now go!"

Spike opened his eyes and followed his Sire's instructions. In a blur of black he was across the street. An effortless leap had him clearing the rail and landing silently on the balcony. He knelt there for a moment and shook his head. He risked a glance over the rail and grinned when he realized he'd actually done it.

Below, Xander was amazed, his mouth dropped open. If he hadn't seen it, he wouldn't have believed it. Spike had jumped seven floors!

Beside him, Faith was shaking her head. "Man, that was so cool." She declared in awe. Extending her hand, she put a finger under Xander's chin and shoved his mouth closed.

Angel concealed his pride. "Our turn, let's go." He led the way to the front door of the building where the security guard was trying to figure out if he'd actually seen someone jump up onto the building. He slipped up behind the guard and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hi." He clipped the guard's jaw with his fist, knocking him out.

The three of them walked into the building, not surprised when Angel's presence set off the alarm. Hearing it, Spike put a foot up and kicked the balcony doors open. He stepped into the living room and took in the scene at a glance. Gunn stood guard at the door. Willow was standing a couple of feet away from the now-shattered balcony doors at the window. Dawn, Wesley, Jake and Buffy all stood off to the side in front of a comfortable looking sofa. A man and woman he didn't recognize stood with their backs to Gunn staring at Spike as if he were a ghost.

The unknown woman had drawn a gun and was wavering between the captives as if she couldn't decide who best to point it at. Before anyone could blink, Spike was across the room with his arm around Lilah's throat. He extended his arm along hers and took her gun away.

"Now, now. Can't have you waving this around, can we? Someone might get hurt and that would piss me off. I promise, you _don't_ want that to happen." He said gently into her ear. He caught a movement out of the corner of his eye and faster than lightening, had the gun pointed at Lindsey's head.

"Back off, Mate. Don't want any nasty accidents to happen." Spike glanced over his shoulder. "Gunn, is it? Can you restrain our friend there? We don't want him to make me nervous and accidentally shoot him."

Gunn moved up and pulled Lindsey's hands behind his back holding the lawyer in place.

Lilah huffed an exasperated breath. "How did you get in here? Who are you?" She demanded.

Spike's smile chilled Lilah's blood. "How I got here is my secret. But I will tell you that my name is Spike."

Downstairs, Angel, Faith and Xander were steadily working their way through the legion of guards that had responded to the alarm. Faith realized with some approval that Xander's fighting skills had made a marked improvement since she first met him. Soon they had the floor littered with the unconscious bodies of Wolfram and Hart's guards. They got into the elevator and waited while the tiny box lifted them up to the seventh floor. Angel exited first, dispatching the sentry at the apartment with ease. Faith noticed the witch peeking out of the other apartment and forced her way in to secure the woman to a kitchen chair with a rope. She gagged the witch when she began screaming incantations, none of which worked. The spell Willow had placed on the amulet counteracted any magic, other than Willow's, being attempted within its immediate vicinity.

Angel entered the apartment containing the missing members of his crew, surveying the tableau with gleeful satisfaction. "Spike! I see you got everything under control."

Lilah glared at her enemy. "Spike is in the amulet. He's lying. He can't be Spike." She ranted.

Willow murmured an incantation and two sets of handcuffs appeared in her hand. She handed one to Spike and the other to Gunn. "Well, that's what I wanted you to think. You seriously might want to rethink your screening process for witches. Cause the one in the other room? Not so good." She smiled at the fury on the female lawyer's face.

Once the lawyers were secured, Wesley let Dawn get past him, grinning as she jumped onto the younger vampire. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.

"Oooomph! Bloody Hell, Bit. What _have_ you been eating?" Spike's pained complaint was belied by the smile on his face.

Dawn rained kisses on Spike's face. "I knew you would come and get me." She told him, completely dropping all pretense that she was too grown up for the hero-worship she'd pretended to give up just a couple of years before.

"Anytime Niblet." Spike ran his hand up her back comfortingly.

Jake walked over and grinned at his vampire friend. "Welcome to the party, Will. Or do I call you 'Spike' now?"

Spike shook his head. "Will's just fine, Mate."

Jake tilted his head at the almost imperceptibly tense note in that not-quite-familiar British accent. He noticed that Will's smile didn't quite reach his eyes. Jake suddenly had the feeling that his buddy wasn't as calm as he appeared.


	36. Hero

Hero

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: The aftermath of the rescue is not quite what Angel expected.

Reviews: Yes, please. Need them almost as much as I need my daily dose of Spike. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: Thanks very, very much to WayWard Childe for letting me bounce ideas off his head.

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Jake slipped an arm around Dawn's waist and gently pried her away from Spike. She protested mildly but consented to having her vampire freed from her grasp. Buffy took the opportunity to give Spike her own hug. He enfolded the petite blonde into his arms and returned her loving embrace. Xander came in with Faith and smiled when he saw the couple.

Willow approached Lilah. She guided the lawyer over to the sofa and gently pushed her down. "Sleep." The redhead directed and Lilah fell over in a deep slumber.

Lindsey stood there confused. He became even more so when Wesley took him by the arm and began to lead him out of the apartment. "I think we should go back to the hotel now. There are several issues we need to address. I'm sure the guards won't stay unconscious for very much longer."

The others began to follow the former Watcher. Faith noticed Lindsey being led away by Wes. "Hey, why is he going with us? Him being all evil lawyer and all." She wanted to know as she snagged Xander by the elbow and turned around to follow Wes.

"Hello, Faith. It's good to see you. Glad you could make it. We need him as sort of our own hostage. Just until we get out of the building and away, then we'll leave him where he can be easily found." Wesley smiled at the brunette slayer.

Lindsey struggled against Wesley's iron grasp but gave up after Gunn noticed his efforts and took hold of his other arm.

The trip downstairs was accomplished with little fuss. Faith and Angel dispatched any reviving guards with no problems. Buffy held onto Spike's arm as if she were afraid he would take off again. Jake hung back and watched the two blonds with a fair amount of speculation. He noticed that while Buffy was loving and attentive to Spike, the vampire was distant and barely responding to her chatter.

The group separated for the ride back to the Hyperion. Xander and Willow rode with Faith in her rental. Gunn and Lindsey went with Angel. Buffy, Dawn, Jake and Spike ended up riding with Wesley in Susan's Jeep, as neither Dawn nor Buffy were willing to separate from their vampire. Jake observed with a touch of bemusement that the girls didn't notice Spike's distraction.

Giles, Susan, Cordelia, Fred and Krista greeted their triumphant return. In their absence, the elder Watcher had ordered in dinner. The butcher had delivered a supply of fresh blood for the vampires.

Willow led Lindsey over to the sofa and released his handcuffs. "It's over." She said. He sagged onto the cushion as his memory reset itself. The redhead nodded to Giles and he made his phone call.

"Andrew. It's time. Get them out of there. Call when you get back to England." He instructed.

Xander was regaling the girls with Spike's spectacular leap. Faith wandered over to confirm the male Scooby's claims. The general consensus was that the young vampire was a true hero. Spike found himself the reluctant object of speculation. The Daywalker sidled up to Wesley.

"Watcher?" Spike asked quietly.

"Yes, Spike? Or would you prefer Will?" Wes asked.

"Either. Does Peaches have a training room? I need to let off some steam." Spike looked around as he spoke. He didn't want anyone knowing he was leaving the party. Wesley noticed his companion's unease.

"Of course, follow me. I take it you don't want anyone to know?" Wes murmured. At Spike's abashed nod, Wes raised his voice fractionally. "Would you like a tour of the building? It's quite fascinating."

"Sure, lead on." Spike feigned disinterest as he followed the fellow Brit up the stairs. Instead of leading the young vampire on a lengthy tour of the hotel, Wes led Spike straight to the back stairs he'd used earlier to escape. He showed Spike the basement training room Angel had set up.

"Thanks, Watcher." Spike said gratefully.

Wes nodded and withdrew, leaving the still-shaken vampire in peace.

Spike took off his duster and folded it carefully, setting it on a chair. Stripping off his t-shirt, he gave the punching bag a few desultory pokes. Part of him was afraid of testing his new strengths. The seven-floor jump had rattled his nerves. A smoldering resentment of Angel's casual handing of his face and throat burned in his eyes. He wasn't a fledgling any longer. He was a master vampire. A harder punch set the bag to swaying. That punch seemed to release some sort of pressure valve as he set about pummeling the bag viciously. Envisioning Angel's face on the canvas swaying before him, he attempted to transfer all his pent up frustration and confusion onto the hapless piece of equipment.

Upstairs, Wesley took his time rejoining the others. He made sure his arrival went unnoticed before wandering over to the table where dinner had been set out buffet-style. Buffy approached the younger Watcher as he perused the selection before him.

"Where did Spike go?" The blonde Slayer asked.

"He was here a few minutes ago. I'm sure he's fine." Wes stated noncommittally.

Buffy was not the only one who noticed Spike's absence. Angel had seen the two leave the lobby. He hadn't seen Wes return so he wasn't sure that Spike hadn't come back with him. He wanted to talk to his Childe. The urge to see for himself that Spike was fine began to eat away at Angel's peace of mind. He was still a bit in shock over the revelations from the Oracles. The new abilities that Spike had received would be a tremendous asset in the fight against evil. Angel wasn't aware of Spike's alternate choice. The option that had been given him to retreat from the constant battle and spend his days in peace on Jake's mountain, unaware of the struggle between good and evil. He also didn't know that Spike was seriously considering that option, that his Childe was soul-weary and craving a peaceful existence. All Angel knew was that Spike was back, better than ever and a powerful new force for good.

The dark vampire made the rounds of the large lobby for the second time, ascertaining that Spike had indeed ditched the party. He stood still for long moments and extended his senses in an attempt to locate his wayward Childe. He moved slowly from the lobby and followed his instincts. He found himself in the basement watching Spike pound out his frustration on the punching bag. He knew the instant Spike became aware of his presence. The younger vampire stopped his efforts and his body tightened with tension.

"_What do you want?"_ The low question was laden with hostility.

"I wanted to talk to you." Angel told him.

"Well, that's too bad. I **_don't_** want to talk to _you_." Spike punched the hanging bag in emphasis.

Angel watched in silence for a moment, feeling the waves of anger and resentment pouring off the younger vampire. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. What could possibly be wrong? Me. I'm wrong. Go away." Spike's answer made no sense to Angel.

Walking over to Spike, Angel grasped his arm. "Talk to me."

"**_Get your hand off me! Who the hell do you think you are? I'm not a fledge any more."_** Spike knocked Angel's hand away and backed up.

"Spike! Tell me what's going on. What do you mean? I know you're not a fledge." Angel was honestly confused.

"That little display of Sire-hood in front of Faith and Harris. How dare you put your hand around my throat like that? I'm a Master Vampire damn it! I've killed two slayers to your oh, let's see. Zero slayers. I saved the sodding world. **_I died in your place_**. I **_deserve_** your respect. That means you _do not_ get to treat me like that anymore." Spike turned back to the punching back before he gave into the temptation to lay into his Sire with fists and fangs.

Angel gaped at his furious Childe. "I didn't mean it like that. I just wanted you to believe you could do it."

"Sod off, Angel." More vicious punches accompanied the snarl.

It was in that instant that Angel realized that there was something else seriously troubling Spike. The younger vampire **_never_** called him 'Angel'.

"Will. Tell me what's wrong." Angel's quiet plea did not get the reaction he wanted, but it did get the one he should have expected. Therefore, Angel was startled when Spike turned on him and delivered a particularly brutal roundhouse kick to the head. Angel fell heavily to the floor, lying there stunned for a second before jumping to his feet to avoid a follow-up kick to the ribs. Spike swung his fist almost faster than Angel could see, connecting painfully with his nose. Angel stumbled backward to avoid Spike's rage. Spike followed the larger vampire and began raining blows onto his face.

"You let me die." The angry words were ground out between clenched teeth. Spike broke off his attack and backed away. Angel dabbed at the blood trickling from his nose, watching Spike closely. He turned his back to Angel and folded his arms around his waist. "You let me die." He repeated softly, sadly.

"I was finished, at peace. I was warm, loved." A short bitter laugh erupted. "I was **_finally_** loved." Spike hunched over as if in pain, unaware of Angel's horrified expression. Spike raised his face to the ceiling, angrily dashing away the tears streaming down his face. Furious at himself for showing that weakness in front of his Sire.

"I was in Heaven." He whispered, shattering Angel's joy at having his Childe back. A terrible sense of déjà vu fell over the elder vampire. Hearing that Spike had been in Heaven and having problems dealing with it from Xander had been one thing, hearing it from Spike gave Angel a crushing feeling of guilt and failure. Unneeded breath hitched in Spike's chest.

"Lorne says I get to go back…someday. But I don't understand. Did they tell you? Do you know?" He turned back to face Angel, the misery in those deep blue eyes tearing at the elder vampire's heart. His voice lowered until it was nearly inaudible even to Angel's vampiric hearing. _"Why couldn't I stay?"_


	37. Alone

Alone

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: Spike and Buffy have a heart to heart but will anything get resolved?

Reviews: Yes, please. Need em, want em, crave em like Spike. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: Thank you, Dominica Mills, for your suggestion. I know this isn't the in-depth conversation you envisioned but it's not over yet.

Thanks again to WayWard Childe for his help and encouragement. You're awesome Dude!

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Seeing the expression on Angel's face, Spike flinched and turned away again. "Go away." He mumbled. "I just want to be alone for a bit."

He stumbled to the wall and leaned against it wearily before sliding down and resting his face on his knees. He knew he wouldn't be getting any answers from Angel, there were none. He tightened his arms around his legs and huddled into a tight ball of pain-wracked confusion. The enormity of his choice crashed down onto his head and he gasped at the sense of futility it gave him. Every ounce of his being yearned for the peace of the mountain he'd called home for the past four months but his heart longed for more time with Buffy. He knew Angel was still there, immobile with shock. Silenced by the bitterness of Spike's attack.

"Will…um…Spike, I…" Angel stammered.

"What part of 'leave me alone' did you not understand?" Spike wondered without moving. "I don't want to talk any more. I don't want to do anything. _Leave me alone. Please… **just** **go**._" He repeated his plea forlornly, praying to whatever higher power that listened to vampires Angel would get the message and go.

It was one of the few times in Angel's very long unlife that he felt at a complete loss. He stood looking at Spike for long moments. His youngest Childe was crouched against the wall in an impossibly small bundle of anguish. Mentally reviewing his options, the most obvious of which was trying once more to get close enough to talk to him, Angel recalled with a start that Krista was still upstairs. He understood now why she'd come over from Caritas, she had known she'd be needed. He backed slowly toward the stairs seeing the tension in the lean bare torso ease fractionally as the distance between them increased. Reaching the door, Angel turned and tore up the stairs.

Spike waited until he could feel that his Sire had reached the lobby and rose from his crouch. He slipped his shirt on and picked up his coat. With his head bowed and feet dragging, he silently went up the back stairs and found his room. He paused for a moment listening to Angel talk to someone, Krista, he thought. Without the slightest bit of noise, he slipped into his temporary sanctuary and locked the door. He closed and locked the connecting door to Xander's room as well.

He shed his clothes and slid into bed. Covering up, he pulled his pillow over his head. He'd never felt so alone in his entire existence. He curled up into much the same position he'd been in when he'd woken up so many hours before and let the tears flow. Exhausted both physically and mentally, he slid into oblivion with cool tears still soaking into the bedding.

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A visibly shaken Angel reentered the lobby to gasps of shocked surprise. His face was beginning to bruise and blood still trickled slightly from the break in his nose. Cordelia rushed to his side and pressed a napkin to his face.

"What happened?" She asked, worry for her vampire coloring her voice.

"Spike had an issue with something I did earlier." Angel told her quietly.

Anger sparked in Cordy's big brown eyes. "He had no right…"

Angel placed a finger on her lips. "Yes, he did. I messed up and he called me on it. Now he needs help. I need Krista to go down to the training room and talk to him. He's so…broken." The last word was whispered.

"I thought everything was all good now. He's back. He has all his memories. They've given him super-enhanced vampire powers and that whole Daywalker thing. What more could he want?" Cordelia was puzzled over Spike's seeming inability to appreciate his good fortune.

"Peace." Angel murmured. Pain darkened his eyes. "He wants to go back to Heaven."

Buffy heard him and tears gathered in her green eyes. She knew how Spike felt. All she'd wanted to do after her resurrection was go back to the peace, warmth and love she'd felt in Heaven. Dawn slipped her arm around her sister's shoulders. Silence filled the lobby as more of them became aware of Spike's dilemma.

Angel looked over the crowd of people in his lobby, seeking the pixie who'd done so much to help everyone six months before. She had been talking to Susan and Jake but her attention had been caught by Angel's battered appearance.

"Jake, do you want to go with me?" Krista asked the artist. He nodded and followed her over to Angel.

"He needs to talk to someone. I…don't know what to do." Angel admitted. Krista knew the way to the training room, having spent many hours down there talking to Buffy, Faith and Angel as they took out their sadness and pain on the punching bag Spike had been pounding. She and Jake were concerned to discover that the younger vampire was no longer in the basement. They returned to the lobby.

"He's not downstairs." Jake told everyone. "Angel, is there a way you can tell where he is?"

Angel nodded and closed his eyes. He extended his senses to seek out the troubled younger vampire. "He's in his room." He sighed with some relief. At least he was still in the hotel.

Krista nodded. "Let's let him sleep and try to help him tomorrow."

Gunn took Fred by the elbow. "Come on, Sweetie, let's go to my place." He murmured.

The slender brunette nodded. "I think that's a good idea. We need to go back to the grocery store tomorrow though." An exaggerated groan met her statement.

Faith pulled Xander to the side. "Let's go over to Caritas. I need a drink." She suggested.

"So do I." Xander agreed.

"Hey, guys. We're going to Lorne's. Anybody want to come with?" The brunette slayer raised her voice and addressed the others.

Wesley glanced over at Susan. "Would you like to go? It's been a very stressful day."

She looked at the shy former Watcher. "That would be nice." She told him quietly.

Jake moved over to his cousin. "I want to stay here in case Will needs me." She placed a hand on his thin face as she nodded.

"He's going to be fine." She assured him.

His gaze dropped to his shoes. "I don't know."

Xander walked over and slung an arm around each Summers girl. "You two going to be okay?" He asked softly. "Buff, why don't you take my room for tonight? You have better insight into what he's going through than anyone else."

She threw her arms around his neck in gratitude as she nodded. "Thanks, Xan." She whispered into his shirt.

In the end, Jake, Dawn, Krista and Buffy opted to stay at the hotel with Cordy, Angel and Spike. Fred and Gunn went to his place. Wesley, Giles, Willow, Faith, Xander and Susan went to the club. Lindsey, uncertain of his welcome, decided he would be safer staying in his room.

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Buffy wasted no time going to bed. She was exhausted from the stresses of the past few days. She could only hope that Spike would revert to the snarky, smirking, pain in the ass personality that she'd fallen in love with. She loved everything about him. Although she missed the bleached blond hair, she liked the way he looked with the controlled riot of platinum tipped curls he was sporting now.

Although tired, sleep was not forthcoming as she kept replaying Angel's statement in her mind. 'He wants to go back to Heaven.' Oh, how she knew that feeling. She rolled over and looked at the connecting door. It was locked. She'd tried it when she got to the room but was disappointed with it remained stubbornly closed.

A thump from Spike's room had her sitting up in her bed, alarmed. She waited, listening closely in case he just bumped the wall while rolling over. She knew that although he was in essence an animated corpse, he by no means slept like one. He breathed, dreamed and rolled over and back like anyone else. _Thump_. There it was again. This time accompanied by a low moan. Buffy silently slipped from bed and padded over to the connecting door. She pressed her ear to the panel trying to hear what was happening. She could hear him talking quietly to himself. She couldn't tell if he was awake or asleep.

"Spike?" She called softly, knowing that his vampiric hearing would pick up her low voice. Silence. Then _thump_. She tried the doorknob again, frustrated when it was still locked. She listened again and heard Spike talking, agitation in his deep voice. With a silent apology to Angel, she twisted the knob until the latch broke and the door opened.

"Spike?" She called again as she eased the door wider. The sight of her vampire nearly broke her heart. He was sleeping but restlessly. His arm flailed out again and hit the wall. There was the source of the alarming thumps she'd heard. She approached cautiously.

"Spike, wake up. Come on, Baby, wake up. It's me, Buffy." She talked as she neared the bed. The sound of her voice seemed to soothe him somewhat.

"Buffy." Spike's eyes remained closed as he spoke. "Buffy, I'm sorry."

The petite slayer eased onto the side of the bed. "Spike, I'm here. You don't have to be sorry for anything. I love you." She murmured.

With a gasp Spike sat up, his sapphire eyes wide and startled. "Buffy."

She grasped his hand. "Yes, Spike. I'm here. Talk to me."

"I failed you. I'm sorry." He babbled.

Buffy pressed a finger to his soft lips. "You have _never_ failed me. I failed myself on more than one occasion. But you have always come through for me. You're my hero." She smiled as he involuntarily kissed her finger.

Spike pulled his knees up defensively, bunching the covers up around his waist. "I locked the doors." He declared softly.

She smiled gently. "I broke the lock. I thought you needed help. No one messes with my vampire."

"I am?" Spike rested his head on his knees and turned it to look at her.

"You am what? My vampire or my hero?" Buffy teased. Her green eyes gazed at him lovingly.

"Either." Spike smiled slightly at her.

"You're both, Baby. I love you." She gently assured him.

He closed his eyes for a moment. "I love you, too. That's why it's so hard."

"What's hard?" She asked.

"I remember how you felt when Willow brought you back. How much you missed being in Heaven. Now I know exactly how you felt. I tried to help you. I tried so hard. Buffy, do you know how much I ached seeing you hurting like that?" Spike purposely avoided answering the question.

"I know. I'm sorry. I was a selfish bitch to you. I hurt you so much, over and over. But you did help, more than you know. I fell in love with you. I didn't tell you, couldn't tell you. I was afraid. I thought you'd leave like all the rest." A tear streaked down her cheek.

A long finger reached out and caught the tear before it could drip. "I would have never left you. Not willingly." He stroked her face with his hand. "But…"

"But…what?" Buffy leaned her cheek into his palm.

"But I miss Heaven." A tear matching hers slid down his lean cheekbone.

"I know you do." She whispered. "I still do sometimes. But I won't lie and say I'm not happy you're back. I stopped living when you died."

"I died so you _could_ _live_. I wanted you to have that normal life you deserve." His husky voice hitched as he spoke.

She laughed a little as his hand slid away. "I'll never have a normal life. I'm the slayer. Granted now I'm one of many but I'm still _the one_. Giles is paying me as his senior slayer. That means I get to train the newbies. Now I have you back. I can consider my life complete. I love you so much. I never want to be without you again."

An unneeded breath caught in Spike's throat at the sincerity of her gaze. "It was very peaceful on the mountain."

Buffy tilted her head curiously, her golden hair falling over her shoulder. His blue gaze followed the fall of the silken tresses he loved so much. "What are you saying?" She asked.

He shook his head and raised his hand again and slid it down the length of her gorgeous blonde hair. "You are so beautiful." He breathed.

Buffy suddenly realized that his chest was bare. Her green gaze became riveted on his muscular frame. Her throat constricted and her breathing became non-existent.

"All those months, the only thing I remembered from the nightmares was your voice. I couldn't remember who you were but I _knew_ you were important. I couldn't remember…you. Jake was there and he treated me like family but in my dreams I was so…alone. Abandoned." Spike's voice broke as he tried to convey the extent of his desolation.

Buffy leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his lips. He caught an unneeded breath at the feather light touch. She took advantage of the slight opening and deepened the kiss. She slid her hand around the back of his neck and threaded her fingers through the silky curls she found there. She released his mouth and leaned back slightly. "I will never abandon you again. I'm so sorry." She whispered her vow.

"I love you so much." He declared as he slipped his arms around her back and, straightening his legs, pulled her into his lap.


	38. Broken

Broken

Disclaimer: Owning a mild toothache, nothing else.

Summary: Spike is having some problem with… oh just read it.

Reviews: Yes, please. Love reviews. Adore reviewers. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: Thanks bunches to my (new) partner in crime (on other stories) WayWard Childe for pre-reading this and easing my rampant insecurity. We're going to collaborate on other fics along with 'The Luck Of The Vampire' after that all joint efforts will be posted under our pen name Squirly Childe. As well as continuing on our individual insanities.

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Once more Wesley found himself the first one up and trying to figure out what to feed all the people staying in the huge old hotel. He pondered the problem as he descended the staircase. With his head bent, he entered the kitchen to start some coffee. He jumped when he realized the room already had an occupant. Spike was standing at the counter with his arms braced on the edge and his head bowed as he waited for the microwave to finish.

"Spike. I didn't expect to see you so early." Wes said. The Daywalker turned slowly to face the fellow Brit.

"Watcher. What gets you up at this hour?" Spike asked, indicating the clock on the wall that showed the time as just past six am.

"Frankly, I couldn't sleep." Wesley admitted.

"Welcome to the club." Spike retrieved his mug of blood and sat at the table. "I made coffee. Help yourself." He added.

Wes got a cup and poured himself some of the fragrant brew. He sat across from Spike and sipped appreciatively. "It's good."

Spike inclined his head in acknowledgement of the compliment.

Wes set his cup down carefully, noting the drawn expression on the other man's face. "Are you okay? We heard what happened with Angel."

Spike winced. "Yeah, well…" He sipped his blood a bit more.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Wes asked after several minutes of silence.

The vampire shrugged. "Not really. I'm just having a bit of difficulty…um…processing everything. It's hard. I have a choice to make and equal parts of me are disputing over which choice is the right one."

Wesley sat forward, intrigued. "A choice? But I thought with you being back that you'd be staying with Buffy."

Spike nodded. "That's one option. Stay with Buffy either here or somewhere else and continue to fight the whole good versus evil battle. Getting really tired of that but don't tell anyone I said that. My other option is going back up to the mountain and live in peace. No one will remember any of this happening, as far as anyone would know, I'd still be dead. A big part of me wants that peace more than anything."

"And what would you remember of this?" Wesley was curious.

"None of it. I'd remember nothing that happened prior to four months ago. This will never have happened. And the nightmares would go away forever. I'd live just like I have been doing, with the added benefit of peaceful sleep." Spike finished his blood and moved over to the sink to wash out the mug so he could put coffee in it. He returned to his chair and sipped the hot liquid.

Wesley contemplated his coffee for long minutes. He glanced up at his companion. "I can see where it would be hard to choose." He murmured.

Spike nodded wearily. "I don't want to hurt Buffy or Dawn. But I'm tired of the pain, the uncertainty." His voice shook for a second. "I'm still not sure…"

"Not sure of what, Spike?" Wesley urged the vampire to continue.

"That's the problem. I don't know." Spike's frustration was clear.

"Have you talked to Buffy?" Wesley asked.

Spike nodded. "A bit last night. I didn't tell her about the choices." He studied the tabletop. "My memories…"

"What about them?" Wesley wanted to know. "Did you get them sorted out?"

The platinum tipped head tilted. "Yeah, sorted. Everything in it's own neat little memory box. Lined up by year. Subcategorized by the type of pain and the source." His voice was bitter.

Wes nodded. "Xander told us that most of your memories were painful ones." His steady blue gaze met Spike's. "Buffy and Angel were the main sources of the pain, weren't they?"

Long minutes passed. "Yeah." He whispered as his eyes dropped back to the table.

"Oh Dear." Wes couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Yeah." Spike repeated, as if that explained it all.

'And', Wes thought, 'maybe it did.' He thought about what he'd read in the notebook of nightmares and realized that it was possible that the young vampire had earned peace. His unlife had been far from peaceful and he _had_ saved the world. To expect him to rejoin the fight without allowing him the choice would be infinitely unfair. He watched the expressions pass over Spike's unhappy face.

"Spike…Will, whatever you choose to do, please talk to Angel and Buffy about it first. They suffered a great deal when you died…" Wes was interrupted by Spike's derisive laugh.

"Peaches suffered? Bollocks. He probably partied for a sodding week after I dusted." Spike scoffed.

"Spike, Angel _felt_ you die. He felt the pain you did. We thought _he_ was dying that day. He doubled over with the agony of your injuries. He felt your essence leave this world. He suffered nightmares of your death. Spike, _he mourned you._ Seeing your portrait was very difficult for him because it gave him hope that you were back." Wesley leaned forward over the table in his intensity.

"He hates me." Spike told him, eyes narrowed. "Nothing I ever did was good enough for the old Poof. He was embarrassed by me and he left us without a second glance. _He_ was supposed to wear that damned amulet!" His grip tightened on the coffee cup until it shattered, spilling hot coffee over the tabletop and embedding shards of china into Spike's hand. Wesley jumped up and grabbed some paper towels to throw over the rapidly spreading liquid. He tugged on Spike's arm to pull him over to the sink, running cool water over the cuts to rinse away the blood welling around the slivers that were deeply cutting into the skin.

Spike watched Wesley fuss over his hand as if entranced. He made no sound as the former Watcher delicately eased the slivers out. His vampire healing was already stopping the bleeding and Wes knew he had to remove the bits of porcelain quickly to prevent the wounds from healing over them.

Wes glanced up and noticed with concern the glazed expression in Spike's sapphire eyes. "Spike?" No answer. The fixed stare was unnerving.

Xander wandered in, lured by the smell of the fresh coffee. He took in the situation in a glance. "Oh, God." He moved over to the two men and deliberately placed his hand over Spike's directly in his line of sight.

"Spike!" Xander said sharply. "Look at me." He was frustrated when he was ignored.

"Wes, what did you say?" The male Scooby demanded.

"I'm not sure what it was. We were talking about what he was going to do next…" Wes began to answer.

Xander nodded. "Yeah, his choices. Then what?"

"I was telling him about Angel's reaction to his death. He seemed to think that Angel was happy about it. When in fact the exact opposite is true." Wes was shocked when Xander groaned.

"God, that's the last thing he needs to hear about." Xander tugged gently on the vampire's injured hand, wrapping a clean kitchen towel around it.

"Come on, Spike. Let's sit down." He led the curiously unresisting smaller man over to the table and eased him into a chair. "There you go. Come on, snap out of it."

"Harris?" Xander closed his eyes and relief washed over him when he heard Spike whisper his name.

"What, Spike?" He answered.

"I hurt my hand." The childish statement did nothing to ease the minds of the two humans listening.

"I see that. Want to tell me why?" Xander asked gently.

"Don't know." Spike told him, his gaze never wavered from the wounded appendage. "It was bleeding." He added.

"Yes, but it's stopped now." Xander sat down next to Spike and tried to look into the dazed blue eyes. Wesley was beginning to get the uncomfortable feeling that the stresses of the past few days had snapped Spike's mind.

"Spike?" Xander tried again to get the vampire's attention.

"Yes?" The single, very quiet word sent chills down Xander's spine. He cleared his throat.

"Can you tell me what you were doing when you hurt your hand?" Once more old habits from dealing with his cousin came to Xander's aid.

"Talking."

"What about?" Xander tried to keep the tension from his voice.

"Angel." Spike's blue eyes glinted with amber flecks as he growled the name. However, his gaze never wavered. Xander got the feeling that Spike was afraid to look away from his damaged hand.

"What about him?" Xander asked hesitantly.

"He hates me." The sentence was dripping with sorrow. "But I hate him more." The growl returned but it was still tinged with sadness.

"Why do you hate him?" Wesley asked softly.

"He let me die." Spike spoke now without expression. "Not talking any more." His eyes drifted closed.

"Spike? Spike!" Xander shook Spike's injured hand lightly to get his attention. "This is sooo not good." He groaned when Spike gave no indication that he heard.

Buffy skidded into the kitchen and heaved a sigh of relief when she saw Spike sitting at the table.

"Spike! I was so scared when I woke up and you were gone. Spike?" She moved over to her vampire and kneeled down to look up into his face. She glanced at Xander and Wes. "What's wrong with him?"

"We're not sure." Wes admitted, raking a hand through his hair.

Xander put his hand on the slayer's shoulder. "He's gonna be okay, Buff. I promise."

More people gathered into the kitchen. Angel and Cordy came in together. "Buffy, what's wrong?" Angel asked when he saw the tears gathering in her green eyes.

"Is he asleep?" Cordelia asked.

"I don't know." Xander answered.

Krista moved forward and placed a small hand on Spike's shoulder. She leaned over and placed her mouth next to his ear. "Spike." She whispered.

His eyelids fluttered. "Spike." She repeated. "You want to look at me. I need you to talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

The sapphire eyes opened and his hazy gaze returned to his injured hand. It wasn't as painful as it had been but it provided a focal point for him. He felt as if he would not shatter into a million pieces if he could keep his focus on his hand.

"Spike, what are you doing?" Krista asked softly.

"Looking at my hand." She was surprised by the answer.

"Why?"

"Cause I hurt it. It was bleeding." Spike said quietly, his voice distant.

"What are you doing while you look at your hand?" Krista wanted to know.

"Thinking."

"About what?"

"Everything, n-nothing, B-Buffy." Spike stuttered a little over his words.

Krista made a decision as she glanced around the increasingly full kitchen. "Spike, I want you to come with me. I want to talk to you, just the two of us."

The vampire nodded without shifting his attention. She took his uninjured hand and tugged him out of his chair. She led him to Wesley's office, figuring that Angel's would further disturb the troubled vampire. She gently pushed him onto the sofa and watched as he returned to his contemplation of his hand.

"Wait right here. I'll be right back, okay?" He nodded without speaking and she hurried back to the kitchen.

"What the hell happened?" She demanded.

Wes and Xander filled the pixie in on the conversations that had taken place. She nodded and returned to Spike.

Fred and Gunn came in bearing large bags of groceries. Cordy, Fred and Willow set about making breakfast for everyone. Giles met up with Lindsey in the lobby. He steered the lawyer over to a quiet corner.

"Mr. MacDonald, a word if I may." Rupert said. "Have you thought about what you're going to do now?"

Lindsey shook his head. "I have to make sure my family is all right."

"Your family is in England, temporarily housed at the Watcher's Council. I was wondering if you would like to join them. I think your legal experience could be an asset to the Council. What do you think?" Giles smiled slightly at the stunned expression on Lindsey's face.

"I don't know what to say." The younger man stammered.

"Say 'yes' I already have the arrangements made." Giles told him. Lindsey just nodded. "Let's go get some coffee." The elder Watcher motioned toward the kitchen.

Back in Wesley's office, Krista watched as Spike studied his hand. She'd closed the door so they could have some privacy.

"Spike?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why are you staring at your hand?" Krista couldn't resist asking.

"Because if I concentrate, I… won't… break." Spike said slowly.

Krista frowned. "Why would you break?"

"Because it's too hard. I can't…" He stopped.

"Can't what?"

"Decide."


	39. Trial

Trial

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: A challenge, a trial, a discovery.

Reviews: Oh, yes please. I love reviews, adore reviewers. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

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It had been a frustrating and stressful day in the old hotel. Spike was still cooped up in Wesley's office refusing to consider doing anything other than stare at his hand. He had insisted to Krista that it was the only thing keeping him together. She'd come out several times to eat and take blood to the troubled vampire.

Dawn and Jake had spent the day sitting quietly talking together. The others just shook their heads; they hadn't figured the young couple would find anything more to talk about. They had spent the entire previous day locked in together in the clutches of Wolfram and Hart but didn't seem to be any the worse for wear from it. The two of them were now united in their concern for Spike.

Buffy had dragged Angel down to the basement to work off some pent up anxiety. After the night she'd spent with Spike, his mental snap had come as a nasty shock. She reacted with anger. She was mad at the younger vampire for not telling her about the choice. Giles had pointed out to the blond slayer that if Spike had told her about his dilemma, she might have attempted to sway his decision. She'd denied it but Cordelia had backed up Rupert's assessment saying if it were Angel she would do everything in her power to convince him to stay with her.

Wesley had gone with Susan to the grocery store to restock the sorely depleted pantry. Angel had grumbled but had reimbursed Gunn for the groceries he'd already bought. He and Fred had left again telling Angel to call if he needed them otherwise they felt as if their presence was unnecessary.

Faith and Xander had taken Lindsey to the airport and put him on a plane to England. They then decided to spend the rest of the day exploring LA, as they hadn't had the opportunity or inclination to do it when they'd been there before. It was bordering on sunset when they returned to the unusually silent hotel. They made straight for the kitchen where they found Willow, Wesley and Cordelia starting dinner.

Xander drew the young Englishman to the side. "Wes, how's Spike?"

"About the same." Wesley told him. "I don't know what to do. Krista's nearly at her wits end."

"Guess Spikey's one tough nut to crack." Faith reached past Willow to snag a slice of cucumber from the large salad she was mixing.

"The problem is that he's already cracked." Willow said solemnly, smacking Faith's fingers.

"Why is Krista having such a hard time helping him?" Xander asked.

"Because Krista has never run into anyone who's had such a tug of war in his heart." Krista said from the door. "Do we have any cold drinks?"

Cordelia reached into the refrigerator and got out a bottle of sparkling water for the pixie. Wes had stocked up on the beverage knowing it was favored by the female population of the agency. Krista took it gratefully, twisted the cap off and chugged a large swallow. She sighed in bliss when she lowered the bottle.

"That is _one stubborn_ vampire." She stated. Xander, Willow and Faith burst into laughter at her declaration.

"Nothing like stating the well known." Faith chuckled. Angel and Buffy entered the kitchen in time to hear Krista's observation.

"He was the most mule-headed childe I ever sired." Angel shook his head mock-sadly.

Buffy poked him in the side. "You didn't sire that many, Silly." She reminded him.

"Maybe, but he's still the most stubborn. How is he?" The dark vampire directed the question to the pixie.

"Physically, he's fine. His hand is all healed up. But his mind…it's just fried." Krista answered.

"Is that a professional diagnosis?" Xander teased.

"Yup." The auburn curls bounced as she nodded and smiled.

A clatter by the stove caught their attention. Cordelia had dropped the fork she'd been using and had her hands clasped around her head. Wesley was closest to her and caught her as she fell. Angel's vampire speed took him to her side seconds later and he eased his love from Wes's arms.

Wesley ran a glass of water and reached into a cabinet for the aspirin they kept close for such occasions.

Angel cradled the seer in his arms. "What did you see?" He asked softly.

Cordy panted as the pain in her head began to ease. "Vamp nest. Big one. You'll need Spike. Buffy can't go."

The blonde slayer gasped in outrage. "Why not?" She demanded.

Cordy looked at her. "If you go and he doesn't, you'll die. That's what I saw." She said.

Angel looked over at Buffy. "It's settled then, you don't go."

"But…" The petite blonde stuttered.

"No, you don't go." Xander slung his arm over her shoulders.

Buffy gave everyone a mutinous glare but acquiesced.

Faith looked around. "I'll go get the stubborn one and we'll be on our way. Cordy, got a location?" She raced up the stairs and retrieved Spike's duster from his room.

Angel and Wesley wrote down the address as soon as the seer had taken the aspirin. Then they went back to the lobby to collect the weapons.

Spike felt Faith's presence rather than saw her enter the office. Refusing to break his intense concentration, he ignored her as she crouched next to him.

"Spike. We need you to come with us." She told him.

"No."

She held the bundle of black leather in front of him. "We need you. We can't do this without you."

"Bollocks." His scrutiny never wavered.

Faith sat back on her heels. "Well, I never figured you for a quitter."

He continued to stare at his now-healed hand but she could see a muscle bunch in his jaw. A smirk crossed her face. "Well, you can stay here and feel sorry for yourself but I'm gonna go out and dust me some vamps. I always thought you'd be up for some slaying but I guess you've gone all Gandhi on us and lost the need for a spot of violence before bed." She withdrew the duster.

"I guess you won't be needing this anymore." She shook it out and began to put it on. It was snatched from her fingers as he passed her in a blur of speed. She followed with a smile that was instantly gone from her face when he turned to look at her. Spike paused at the weapons chest long enough to pocket some stakes and pick up a sword.

Angel and Wes exchanged surprised smiles as the younger vampire strode angrily to the front door. Willow and Krista came down the stairs from Cordy's room where she was resting to rid herself of the migraine that followed her vision. Krista gaped at the black leather clad vampire waiting impatiently by the double doors. He disappeared outside as the pixie met Faith near Angel and Wes.

"What did you say to him?" She gasped.

Faith snickered evilly. "Told him he was feeling sorry for himself, called him a quitter, compared him to Gandhi and took his coat."

"That would do it." Angel shook his head in disbelief. "All day we treated him with kindness and sympathy. We should have kicked his ass."

Wesley used his cell phone to call Gunn and arrange for him to meet them at the address they'd gotten from Cordy. According to the seer's vision, the large nest of vampires had set up house in an older, rather posh neighborhood in Beverly Hills. They had killed the homeowners and were systematically working their way through the surrounding area. Angel recognized the tactic as one he, as Angelus, and his vampire family had used many times. The four of them crossed town in Angel's convertible. Spike ignored everyone in favor of staring out of the window at the passing scenery.

Arriving at their destination, they were pleased to see Gunn waiting for them. He had prudently stayed in his car. He got out and strolled over as soon as they pulled up and exited the car. Gunn noted Spike's presence with a smile.

"Hey, Superman, glad you decided to come out to play." The dark skinned man joked. He smile faded a bit when Spike snarled.

Angel gave his Childe a warning glare. "Now, they should be leaving to hunt any minute. We need to stop them here. If any of them get away, they'll just move on and take their business somewhere else."

"Too bad we don't know how many there are." Wes commented.

Spike stood still, staring up at the house, he appeared to be listening. "There's twelve of them." He stated.

"How do you know that?" Faith demanded.

"I can hear them." Spike told her simply. He took a step back and tilted his head. "They're coming out. Gunn, Faith and Wes, you guys need to get out of sight. They won't sense you right away. Peaches, let's go make some new friends."

Puzzled glances were exchanged as the three humans looked at Angel for guidance. "Do what he says." The elder vampire said softly. "Let's see how this plays out."

The humans melted into the darkness but tried to stay close enough to help. Faith especially chafed at hiding. She was a slayer and wanted to be in the thick of it. But in this instance she wasn't running the show and deferred to the two who had far more experience than she did. They watched the two master vampires approach the lovely old house.

They were met by a vampire coming out. While the vampire was not a fledgling, he wasn't as old as they were. The others were in varying degrees of age and experience. Angel and Spike sauntered up to the door. The lead vampire stopped at the sight of the two of them.

"Who are you and what do you want?" He demanded.

"I can't believe it. He doesn't know who we are. I have to say vampires these days are so undereducated." Angel feigned sadness as he spoke to Spike.

"Really. I would think that someone moving into your territory would make it his business to find out whom he might be dealing with. Don't you, Mate?" Spike addressed his question to the vampire staring at them as if they were insane.

"I-I should know you?" The confused demon asked.

"I should bloody well hope so, Prat." Spike snarled. "Didn't you know you were moving into Angelus's territory?" He smiled ferally at the pathetic excuse for a vampire. "You _have_ heard of Angelus?"

The now very nervous vampire nodded. He felt some of his pack move up behind him, attracted by the disturbance at the entry. He felt a little bolder. He glared down at the smaller vampire blocking the door. "Who are you, shrimp?"

Spike's sapphire eyes turned glacial. "I am William the Bloody, you moronic git." The menace in the British accented growl further chilled the already cold blood in the vampire's body.

"He's dead. Went down in the Hellmouth while helping the slayer like a good little pet." The sneer vanished into a cloud of dust as he exploded from Spike's stake.

"He really shouldn't have said that." Angel commented mournfully. "Going around insulting your elders is _never_ a good move."

The remaining eleven vampires pushed their way out of the door, surrounding Angel and Spike. A couple of them went a little further down the sidewalk attracted by a scent all of them dreaded.

"Hey! There's a slayer somewhere." One of them yelled. Faith stepped out of the shadows and flung a stake into his heart.

"You're right." She smiled. "Anybody else want to party?"

The remaining vampires froze for a second, a fatal error. Wesley stepped out and used his crossbow. Gunn slipped up behind one and used his hubcap axe to decapitate him. The remaining eight demons tried to retreat but none of them had counted on Spike's enhanced speed. In a blur of black, the British vampire staked two more and used his sword to behead another. The odds were now even. Angel briefly fought with one vampire but easily dusted him. He drew his human friends back and watched as Spike battled the remaining four. They had ganged up on him after seeing him take out so many of their group at once.

Faith protested. "Aren't we gonna help him?"

Angel shook his head. "He needs to do this."

"Can't claim these guys have brains, huh?" Gunn observed.

Wesley gasped. "My God. Look at him."

Spike, in full gameface, jumped six feet into the air. Somersaulting as his sword flashed, decapitating yet another opponent. The remaining three gaped as the smaller vampire landed gracefully. Spike took advantage of their surprise to stake two more. The last one was a very large vampire who looked as if he'd played football in life. He tried to use brute force against the master vampire who'd dusted so many of his friends. He swung a meaty fist at Spike's head. He ducked with a smirk and swung his leg out, knocking the hulk onto the sidewalk. Spike bounced up and laughed down at the fallen demon.

"What's wrong? Your mates up and leave you alone? Oh, wait. I killed most of them." He taunted.

The larger vamp hauled himself to his feet. "You are dead." He growled.

"News flash, wanker. Already there. Several times." Spike grinned humorlessly; a flicker of sorrow crossed his handsome face. "Didn't take."

Spike ducked yet another swing to his face. He jabbed the larger demon in the stomach. "You know." Punch. "Times were…" Jab. "Vamps chose…" Swing. "Who they…" Duck. "Turned…" Kick. "More carefully." A fist to the chin snapped the larger vampire's head back.

"Except for Peaches, there. He always regretted turning me. I was _such_ a disappointment. But I survived. Because I'm smart." Spike knocked his opponent down again with a kick to the chest. The other vampire was bloodied and dazed from Spike's attack. The British vampire grabbed the fallen hulk by the shirt and pulled him up a bit.

"Your sire obviously couldn't be bothered to train you properly. Not that it matters because you're going to be dust in a second but _who is_ your sire?" A stake appeared in Spike's hand, pulled from his pocket faster than the eye could see.

The answer surprised Spike so much that he staked the vampire without another thought. The single word echoed through his head.

"Drusilla."


	40. Conflicted

Conflicted

Disclaimer: Don't own em, wish I did.

Summary: Things are not going as well as hoped.

Reviews: Yes, please. Love reviews. Adore reviewers. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: Kudos to my favorite partner, WayWard Childe, for his help in deciphering just why Spike was so interested in his hand.

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It was a subdued group that returned to the Hyperion. Spike went directly to his room and slammed the door. Angel, Faith and Wesley were left with the task of cleaning and putting the weapons away. They made their way to the kitchen hoping that there'd been some dinner saved for them. Cordy warmed a mug of blood for Angel while Willow dished out plates for Faith and Wesley. Buffy watched the doorway and was disappointed when Spike didn't appear behind the others.

"Angel, where's Spike?" She finally asked.

"He went to his room." Angel told her quietly.

"Why? What happened?" Buffy felt a sliver of fear shoot down her spine.

"Some of the vamps were sired by Drusilla." Wesley answered her.

Stunned silence filled the room. Jake, Susan, Krista and Dawn came in before the shock wore off. Dawn glanced around and noticed the absence of the British vampire.

"Where's Spike? Angel, is he okay?" She started to panic when no one answered her right away. "Oh, God." She buried her face in Jake's shoulder. He slipped his arms around her and demanded answers with stormy gray eyes.

"Oh, no, Dawnie." Willow rushed to assure the teenager. "He's fine. He just went to his room."

"Then what's wrong?" Susan looked at each one in turn, clearly expecting an answer.

Faith got a cold drink out of the refrigerator. "Some of the vamps we dusted were sired by Spike's ex."

"Drusilla's back?" A shudder went through Dawn's slender frame. Jake tightened his arms fractionally when he felt her tremble.

"Maybe. I don't know. They weren't fledges. Most of them were at least five years old. I don't think she's in the area. It was just a shock to Spike's system to find out she'd been out siring while they were still together. Or else she went on a spree as soon as they broke up. It would be about the right time." Angel answered quietly.

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Upstairs, Spike stripped off his duster and threw himself onto his bed. He folded his arms behind his head and crossed his ankles. The surprises just kept piling up, he mused. He chuckled derisively. The old poof was sure he was up here sulking over Drusilla's infidelity. He hadn't been overly concerned with her faithfulness while they'd been together. He'd gotten used to not being first in her affections very quickly, almost immediately in fact. She'd made it clear that her 'Daddy' would always be her first love and anything left was Spike's if he wanted it. She hadn't cared enough when it was all said and done. His body was still humming from the all-too-short fight with the other vampires. He bounced up and paced the small confines of the room. A knock on his door paused his pacing.

"Come in." He called.

Krista stuck her head in before fully entering the room. "How are you?" She asked.

"Bloody wonderful." He said unconvincingly.

"I'm mad at you." She stated.

"I don't blame you. I kinda blew your whole day, yeah?" Spike sat down on the edge of the bed and indicated the chair Xander had used. She nodded and sat down.

"Why?" She asked.

Spike studied the floor. "You know how sometimes it feels like something can't possibly be real and then something happens to jar you, slamming you back into the world?"

Krista tilted her head. "I think so."

"It was kinda like that. When I cut my hand it was like a wake-up. The pain shocked me back to this life, back to this reality. I'd almost convinced myself it was all a dream that I'd wake up from but it wasn't the wake up I expected. Then I was afraid to acknowledge that I was really here and really had to make a choice. A choice I didn't want to make. I thought the choice would break me." He explained.

The pixie nodded sympathetically. "I think I understand. Have you been able to choose?"

Spike bent his head, looking at her through thick dark lashes. "How do you choose between the peace you've earned and deserve and the love of your life? The cost of the peace is your sense of self, your memories. The love comes with fighting and struggling to survive against evil. How do you decide which you want more? The peace or the love? Especially since all I've _ever_ wanted was love."

"I don't think I'd be able to." Krista admitted truthfully. "What about Drusilla? I was downstairs and heard that she sired some of the vamps you fought."

"What about her? Do I want her back?" He asked. He shook his head vehemently. "Worlds of no. I don't need her. I loved her for over a century but it was always about Angel. I was nothing but a substitute."

Spike laughed bitterly. "Sometimes I think the only reason I ever existed was to be a substitute for Angel. Can't have the real thing? Get Spike, he'll fill in. He won't mind. Use and abuse him, he'll love it." He buried his face in his hands. "God that sounded pathetic." He mumbled.

He got up to begin pacing again. "The fight. Now that was _fun_. I'd forgotten how much a good bit of violence can perk a bloke up. Then the punch line took all the fun out of it. Peaches thinks I'm up here brooding over Dru. Yeah, it was a surprise, not a pleasant one either but I don't care. I stopped caring ages ago. I think that's part of my problem, I can't care. If I do care again, I'll lose myself...again."

The confused Daywalker sat back down on the edge of the bed, dejection in every line of his lean frame. "I've always cared. Sometimes it feels like I didn't completely come back. Like I left the part of me that cares in Heaven and I won't be able to care again until I go back. I don't want to be like that. It's how Buffy felt when they brought her back. I was the _lucky_ one who got to help her feel again." The emphasis he put on the work 'lucky' indicated he'd felt anything but.

Krista watched carefully as he paced, sat, rambled and ranted. This was what she'd waited for all day, some show of emotion. An indication that there was a spark of the old Spike in the thin body. She kept her lavender gaze trained on him as he ran the gamut of indecision.

"Spike. Look at me." She requested quietly.

He ran slender fingers through his curly hair before he swiveled around to look at her. "Yeah?"

"It's normal to feel this way. If you didn't care it wouldn't be so hard." She said. "Why don't we go downstairs? You must be hungry."

Spike thought about that for a minute. "I guess I could eat. Nothing like dusting half a dozen vamps to work up an appetite." He held the door open and waited for her to precede him.

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Susan smiled at the awe in Wesley's voice as he described Spike's leaping somersault as he decapitated the vampire. She watched as he motioned with his hands how Spike swung the sword as he landed. Wesley's hair was mussed and just long enough for a fringe of dark silk to fall over his forehead. His crystal blue eyes sparkled as he recited his story.

"I've never seen a vampire with his abilities before. Imagine it, he's invulnerable to sunlight. He's faster, stronger than any other vampire known. I would love to be able to study him and see the extent of his new status. What an asset he would be. How can we convince him to stay?" Wesley's enthusiasm had him saying more than he should have.

Unseen, Krista and Spike stood in the doorway. The pixie glanced up and her tender heart broke at the grief in the sapphire eyes.

Angel drummed his fingertips on the tabletop. "What if he doesn't want to stay?" He asked. To Spike's ears it sounded as if his sire was saying he didn't want Spike to be around.

"I'll able to talk him into it." Buffy announced. Her confidence grated on Spike's raw nerves.

"Patrolling will be tons easier with him around that's for sure." Faith commented.

"So who's going to talk to him? There's got to be some argument we can use to convince him stay." Willow's seeming defection had Spike biting his lip. He backed up a step.

"He should be allowed to make up his own mind. He may have his reasons for going back to Jake's mountain and abandoning his responsibilities here." Giles spoke from where he leaned against the counter a few feet away from the door.

Dawn looked at her family. "Why should it be an argument? I should think he'd stay because he loves us. I don't see why it's such a big issue for him."

Spike closed his dark eyes at her words. His head dipped and he backed up still another step. He leaned on a nearby wall. "They only want me around for what I can do, not because they want _me_." He whispered. He pushed away from the wall and stalked off, gaining speed as the distance increased. In seconds, he disappeared through the front door and into the night. Krista watched him go silently, not knowing what to say. In just a few sentences all the progress he'd made was destroyed.

"Listen to you guys." Jake was getting more annoyed by the moment. "It sounds like you just want him to be here to study, to fight. Don't you want him to stay because you love him and can't live without him? If he could hear the way you're talking…"

"He already did." Krista said quietly from the door. "You people were given the greatest gift ever. Someone you loved was brought back into your lives and you talk about him like a possession or a pet you want to keep around for the tricks he can perform."

"Nice, guys. Way to make the vamp feel wanted." Xander's gift for sarcasm was as strong as ever. He'd listened to his friends with growing anger but Jake had spoken up before he'd gotten the chance.

"That's not what we meant." Buffy protested.

"_**But that's the way he heard it!"** _Krista yelled.

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At Caritas, Spike blew through the doors and marched resolutely up to the bar. Lorne caught a look at the vampire's eyes and took over for the bartender.

"Hey, didn't think I'd see you again so soon. What brings you around, Precious?" The green demon asked.

"A beer. On Angel's tab. And keep em coming." Spike's tone of voice was leaden, devoid of emotion.

Lorne wasted no time providing Spike with a bottle of imported beer. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"Just fine, Mate. Couldn't be better." The expression on his face warred with the easy words. He had wiped all traces of emotion from his features and presented an impassive mask to anyone watching. His normally expressive blue eyes were dead looking and dull.

"Want to talk about it?" Lorne questioned gently.

"Nothing to talk about." The statement was flat and closed, making it clear that discussion was out of the question. He concentrated on his beer trying to drive out the echoes of his friends as they discussed how to manipulate him into staying. They just wanted his new skills. He finished the first one quickly and motioned for a new one. He was halfway through the second one when he made a decision. If they wanted the old Spike then that's what he'd give them.

Lorne had stuck close to Spike in the hopes that the young vampire would want to talk, so he was thrilled when he was motioned over. After Spike told him what he wanted, the Pylean was more concerned than ever but was willing to help.

Ushering his guest into his private quarters, Lorne made a quick phone call. He knew just the person to help. A couple of hours later, Spike was nodding his approval as he gazed at the digital photo. He was back and he was staying. But he didn't have to be happy about it. He would do what they wanted. He would fight, let the watchers study him, jump through the hoops they asked him to but he would be damned before they made him care again.

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It had taken quite a bit of effort but in the end it had taken the combined efforts of Jake, Xander, Susan and Krista to keep the others from launching a search party for Spike. Krista felt, rightly so, that the best thing for the moment would be for them to just leave Spike alone. She knew he'd come back; he cared too much not to. So it was an extremely tense few hours before he returned.

Angel sensed Spike's presence before he got to the door so the elder vampire was already on his feet and watching when his Childe strolled into the lobby. Gasps of stunned surprise echoed in the spacious area. Gone were the platinum tipped curls. In their place was the familiar cap of bleached blond locks carefully combed back, taming the errant waves. He looked as he had for so many years, hardened and vicious. The expression in his sapphire gaze was defiant and a cigarette dangled from his mouth. He took an insolent drag on the thin white cylinder and blew the smoke up to the ceiling.

"Well, well. A welcoming committee. I'm touched." Sarcasm dripped from each word. "Here's my decision. I'm staying. I'll fight. I'll show you every bleeding thing I can do but don't ask me for anything else. If there's no nasties out there to slaughter, I'm to be left alone. Are we clear?"

He studied each shocked face in turn then nodded in satisfaction. He sauntered into the kitchen and helped himself to a mug of blood, carrying it back out to the staircase.

"Oh, and Cheerleader? I'll be needing a new room. One with a bit more privacy, if you will. There's a love." He nodded as Cordelia numbly handed over a new key.

He was aware of every pair of eyes watching him climb the staircase up to his new room. It took every ounce of his tremendous will to take it slow and not break into a run. The second he entered his room and closed the door he leaned against it. He closed his eyes and dropped his head. Careful not to spill his mug, he slid slowly down the door until he was sitting. He rested his forehead on his knees. He'd done it. He'd made them believe he was back, just as he was before the chip, before the love, before the soul. The Big Bad was back…and he wanted to weep.

In the lobby shock prevailed. Buffy summed it up. "Oh my God. What have we done?"


	41. Misery

Misery

Disclaimer: They're all too sad to own right now.

Summary: If I tell you, I'll start to cry.

Reviews: Yes, please. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: Again, many thanks to WayWard Childe for the help and encouragement. Dude, you rule.

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The next few weeks were emotionally devastating to Spike. He spent his days sleeping restlessly before going out at night and slaying viciously. He demonstrated his enhanced vampire skills for Wesley and Giles with sarcasm and insolence. He listened to conversations taking place in the furthest reaches of the old hotel. He jumped from the roof and back again. He raced against Angel's car, arriving at the hotel long before his sire. He sunbathed for hours to prove he was truly immune to its formerly deadly rays. After a week he called a halt to any further exhibitions of his abilities. Telling the former watchers they had enough information about him, he refused to cooperate any more.

Jake had taken his paintings and returned to his mountain. Spike thought that he missed the artist most of all. The artist had been the best friend Spike had ever had. Susan had gone back to work at the gallery. She and Wesley saw each other frequently. As much as he'd wanted to, Spike couldn't let himself stick around to talk to her. If he let one in the others would follow and that would lead to his heart getting stomped on even more, so he held those he loved most at arms length, hurting them and himself more than he thought could ever be possible.

Buffy and Dawn had moved back to their apartment. Dawn had closed herself off from her sister and everyone else with the exception of Jake. She had reluctantly returned to school after Buffy had convinced the principal that there had been a family emergency to excuse her absences. Spike knew from overhearing Susan talking to Wes that Jake and Dawn were dating. Jake's protectiveness of the teenager during the entire ordeal had endeared him to the slayer to the point that she overlooked the age difference.

Krista had other patients she needed to see but made it a habit to stop by every few days to check on everyone. She knew the strain was tremendous but for once was clueless about how to help. She'd never run into this type of situation before and was stumped for a solution.

Willow, Giles, Xander and Faith had decided to stay around for a while, taking a much-needed vacation from the stresses of rebuilding the Watchers Council. Another overheard conversation revealed that the redheaded witch had split with her girlfriend, Kennedy. Something that Spike was secretly relieved to hear, as he'd never liked the young dark-haired potential. He'd thought she was spoiled and obnoxious.

Spike had observed that Faith and Xander seemed to be spending a lot of time together. He'd thought it was probably a good thing. Xander had tried to talk to him during the first couple of days but Spike had frozen him out. The young vampire understood that the male Scooby hadn't been part of the 'manipulate Spike into staying' conversation but found it easier to just reject everyone.

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It had been an especially difficult patrol. Spike wearily closed and locked the door to his room and peeled off his duster. He dropped it carelessly onto a chair and kicked off his boots. Wandering into the bathroom, he turned the shower on and tiredly waited for the water to heat. Stripping out of his black t-shirt and black jeans, he stumbled into the steam-filled cubicle and let the scalding water pound on his aching head. Loneliness speared through his heart.

The slender blond turned slowly in the shower until the water was pounding on the back of his neck, easing the tension that seemed to have taken up permanent residence. He put both hands on the wall and leaned his forehead between them, closing his eyes. He bit his lip in a vain attempt to stop the inevitable. This happened every time he showered. He knew it was the only place he could do it and Angel wouldn't know. Once the tears began, they would flow until he was lying on the floor exhausted and the water rained down on him in icy rivulets. Then, and only then, could he drag himself to bed and fall into a restless sleep for far too few hours. He wasn't aware that his Sire stood outside his room every time the shower began and listened in an agony of helpless guilt to his Childe's pain and despair being sobbed out in the confines of the tiny shower stall.

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With a groan, Spike rolled over and tried to identify the sound that had woken him. A slight tapping on his door came again. Shoving the covers aside he sat up and glanced at the clock on his dresser. He'd only been asleep for two hours. Irritation surged through his too thin body as he snatched his jeans up from the floor and shoved his legs through them. He flung the door open.

"What the Bloody Hell do you want?" He growled.

Gunn held up his hands in defense. "Easy. I'm only the messenger. Angel wants you downstairs."

"What for?" Spike asked, digging his cigarettes from his pocket.

"I'm not sure, man. But I think it has something to do with the package that arrived a few minutes ago." Gunn told him, carefully looking over the blond vampire as he'd been instructed to do. Cordelia had ordered him to assess Spike's physical condition and tell her if Spike had been eating enough. It was easy enough to do since Spike had turned away to light the cigarette. So the perusal had gone unnoticed.

"Fine." Spike grabbed up a shirt and pulled it carelessly over his head. "Let's go."

Gunn stepped back and gave the blond room to shut and lock the door before leading the way back down to the lobby.

Spike was not happy to see that most of them were there. A large package leaned against what used to be the reception desk. Angel picked it up and set it on the desk.

"This came for you." He told Spike.

Spike merely glared at his Sire and took hold of the paper. Angel backed away; he'd learned early on not to stand too near the younger vampire. The last time he'd gotten too close, Spike had used his speed to lash out and had dislocated Angel's shoulder. They watched as Spike ripped the paper way from the box.

He pulled the tape and opened the top of the large rectangular container. Grasping the top, he pulled the contents free. A gasp echoed through the room. Jake had sent Spike a painting.

A scene from Spike's last day on the mountain was displayed in living color. Spike and Dawn were outside in the bright sunlight. Snow-covered trees surrounded the couple. Bare-chested and barefoot, he had his hands on her waist as he lifted her up into the air. Her hands were planted firmly on his shoulders as she dangled above him. Joy covered both faces as they gazed at each other. It was a lovely painting. There was an envelope attached. Spike didn't bother to look it.

Giles happened to be facing Spike as he uncovered the painting. He was the only one to see the expression in the dark blue eyes before the shutters slammed down, locking away any emotion. It had flickered through so swiftly that the elder watcher wasn't sure he'd even seen it. The thought crossed his mind that no one could possibly survive very long living with pain as intense as Spike's seemed to be.

Spike set the painting down on the floor. Turning away from it, he gestured with indifference.

"Give it to Dawn." He spoke flatly, emotionlessly. The fact that he did not use a nickname was not lost on the onlookers.

"Aren't you going to read the letter?" Fred asked.

"You read it." With those cold words, the blond vampire turned his back on the group and walked back up the stairs.

Willow went over and picked up the painting. The tiny tag on the corner simply read: '**_Reunited_**.'

Wesley watched Angel as he walked slowly into his office and gently closed the door. The younger Englishman sighed. "This _can not_ continue."

Fred tentatively pulled the envelope from the frame. She turned it over. "I don't think I should read this." She looked at Wesley.

He shook his head. "Save it. We'll give it to him later."

Cordelia folded her arms across her chest. "If this doesn't change soon, I'm staking the both of them."

Gunn nodded and raised his hand. "I'll help."

Wesley gave a slight smile. "As attractive as the notion is, I don't think it's the solution to our problem. And given that Spike can hear everything we say when he wants to, I want to be elsewhere when we discuss this." He looked at his friends and family. His blue eyes met the gaze of each in turn. Giles, Willow, Fred, Gunn, Faith, Xander and Cordelia all nodded at him. They were united in their goal. They had to resolve the problem and convince Spike that he was more valuable to them than he thought.

Wesley raised his voice slightly, looking toward Angel's office. "I need some coffee, will you watch the phones? Thanks." He motioned for everyone to follow him as he left the old hotel. They made their way to the little café Wes and Susan had gone to the day they met. Wesley called Susan while on the way and asked her to meet them there.

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Spike gave up on trying to sleep. The painting haunted him. The happiness depicted on the canvas saddened him. _'Reunited'_. He snorted in derision. Happiness was just a delusion. With a snarl, he redressed and shoved his feet into his boots. Grabbing his duster, he slammed out of his room, making sure the door is locked and made his way down the back stairs. He left the hotel without seeing anyone and headed straight for Caritas. A quick stop for cigarettes and he was ready for a day of drinking.

Lorne popped two more aspirin into his mouth and chugged back the icy ginger ale he'd switched to as his headache increased. The source of his headache was ensconced in the most secluded booth located in the back of the club. Spike was working his way through a bottle of Jack Daniels; having decided that the imported beer he normally ordered was too tame for the mood he was in.

The Pylean retreated to his office and made a phone call.

"Wesley, I need you to do something about Angelkin's most gorgeous Childe. The vibes he's putting out are giving yours truly a migraine. The silent screaming he's doing is deafening my perfect pitch ears." Lorne pressed an ice pack to his temple as he talked to his friend.

In the café, Wesley smiled at his companions. "It seems we have another accomplice." He told them. He spoke into his phone. "Lorne, the rest of us are discussing that very problem. Would you like to join us?"

Later….

Giles debated with himself over whether or not he should share what he'd seen with the others. He decided that the knowledge could be used to plan a course of action. He cleared his throat for attention.

"I saw something earlier that I believe you all should be aware of." Rupert began softly. "I saw Spike's eyes when he opened the painting." He took a sip of tea to remove the lump in his throat that had appeared at the memory.

Cordelia, seated to his right, put a hand on his arm. "Giles? What did you see?" She asked gently.

"I don't think I've ever seen that much pain in anyone's eyes before. It was like seeing someone's soul ripped in two right before you. I don't understand how he's surviving it." Giles told his stunned companions.

Lorne nodded. "He's going to deconstruct if something's not done soon. No one can be in that much emotional agony for very long."

Cordy added what she knew. "Angel says that he cries in the shower. It's the only place he'll show any feeling because he doesn't think anyone knows." She was aware that she was telling something Angel had asked her to keep secret but they were getting desperate. Spike would be lost to them if they didn't act fast. Everyone grew silent at the thought of the powerful master vampire in so much emotional pain.

"Can't Krista help?" Fred asked.

"He won't talk to her and since he knows she has to see his eyes, he won't even look at her." Xander explained. "We have to shock him. Being patient isn't going to work anymore. It's gotten us nowhere."

Susan leaned her head on Wesley's shoulder. "If I had known this would happen…"

Wes kissed the top of her head. "Shhhh. It will be all right. I promise." He whispered into her hair.

Faith reached under the table and clasped Xander's hand. "He's scary on patrol. Vicious. Controlled. He kills so coldly. And silent. He's so quiet. I've never seen anything like it. It scares me."

Gunn draped his arm around Fred's shoulder. "He's losing weight too. I checked him out like you wanted me to, Cordy. I gotta tell you. It didn't feel right looking at a vamp that close." The others laughed a little at his levity.

They discussed the problem until the café closed for the day. They moved to Wesley's apartment to continue trying to find a solution. A way to get Spike back from the precipice he was teetering on.

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It wasn't working. The old tried and true method of forgetfulness was just not working this time and Spike was getting desperate. The knot of pain that had been growing in his chest since he pulled the painting from the box was becoming unbearable. He left a hefty tip on the table to make up for his surly attitude towards the waitress and departed the club.

He used his enhanced speed to get back to the hotel and paused before entering. He opened the front door and sighed as he confirmed visually that he would be alone. He wasn't sure where the elder vampire was but couldn't bring himself to care. Spike caught sight of the painting still leaning against the desk. He approached it slowly and knelt down in front of it. His sapphire eyes lingered longingly on Dawn's image…until it blurred. Shaking, slender fingers inched toward the painted face of the laughing teenager, clenching into a fist just short of touching. Spike closed his eyes and bent his head, trying desperately to regain control. Almost panting in his attempt to stop his emotional breakdown, he leapt up and nearly flew up the stairs to get to his room.

Slamming the door, he locked it and leaned against it. He slid down and rested his forehead on his knees. Still breathing unnecessarily hard, he tried to banish all thoughts from his mind. If he concentrated hard enough he could achieve the blankness of mind he'd gotten so good at when he was in the Sunnydale High basement so very long ago. His mind felt just that shattered sometimes. Slowly sliding over, he laid down on the floor and squeezed his eyes closed. Keeping his arms wrapped tightly around his knees, he wished with all his unbeating heart for sleep. Afraid to move, too mentally wounded to think, he just stayed where he was wishing he had never been brought back.

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At Wesley's apartment, Susan answered her ringing cell phone. "Hi, Jake. Where are you?"

She looked up at her companions. "Jake is at Dawn's and he wanted to know if the painting knocked any sense into Spike."

She turned back to the call. "No, he told them to give it to Dawn….Really? Okay, love you. Talk to you tomorrow."

Susan closed her phone and turned to the others. "Jake has a plan." She announced.


	42. Desperation

Desperation

Disclaimer: Don't own em, just take em out and beat em up.

Summary: The Big Bad meets a bigger bad.

Reviews: Yes, please. Love reviews, adore reviewers. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: Yes I know this is a short chapter but I needed to save something for the next chapter, as it is likely the last one.

Many thanks to my favorite partner in crime WayWard Childe for his continued support and advise.

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Jake hung up his phone and frowned at the Summers sisters. "Will told them to give the painting to Dawn." He said in disappointment. "I guess we have to get a little tougher."

Dawn pouted. "I thought sure it would break through that wall he's got up."

Buffy rested her chin on her fist. "You _do_ realize we're taking about _Spike_, the king of stubborn self-doubt. Right?" She asked her sister dispiritedly.

The teenager nodded remembering exactly how exasperatingly stubborn their vampire could actually be. She'd seen enough of it during that long summer Buffy had been gone and he'd been her primary 'baby-sitter'. Thinking of that painful time reminded Dawn of something.

"Buffy, where's Spike's box?" She asked.

The slayer brightened. "In the hall closet. Do you think…?"

Jake frowned in puzzlement. "There's a box?"

Dawn pulled her boyfriend up from his chair and dragged him into the hall. She opened the closet door and pointed to a rectangular box stuffed into the corner of the topmost shelf. She grinned as he pulled it down for her.

"I love having a tall boyfriend." She beamed as he kissed her.

"Like you're a shrimp." He teased, looking down at her five feet, seven inches from his superior height of six feet, one.

"Compared to you…" She stopped as he kissed her again. "What was I saying?"

They went back into living room and Jake put the box on the coffee table. They sat and looked at it. The package was only a twelve-inch by ten-inch container. It was eight inches deep and was pretty light for its size.

"Um… What's in it?" Jake finally asked.

"I don't know exactly what's in it. I think it's some stuff of Spike's that survived the bombing. He left it in the basement." Buffy gazed at the innocuous box in front of her.

Jake's gray eyes widened in surprise. "Bombing?"

Buffy looked down at the floor and explained how Spike's home had been blown up. Jake's censorious stare drew the rest of the story from her and she gave him a condensed version of the events that had led up to that point. She also told him how she'd broken off her destructive relationship with the blond vampire.

"I broke his heart." She finished, wiping away a tear. "I drove him to desperation and because of me, he went after his soul. After he got it, I realized he never needed it."

Jake closed his eyes. Dawn squeezed the hand she was holding as he processed how difficult his friend's life had been. "No wonder he's so quick to believe the worst, he's never been shown any different." He murmured.

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Spike opened his eyes slowly wondering why his bed was so hard. The bed in question suddenly appeared in his line of sight and he remembered he was on the floor. He pushed himself upright and pulled his knees back up to his chin. His stomach rumbled, reminding him he hadn't eaten since early the day before.

He pushed himself up and stiffly stood. He snorted softly. Time was he'd have slept on the floor and not thought twice about it. Now he felt abused if he didn't have a pillow. He stretched and popped his vertebra, then twisted his head to crack his neck.

He listened for a moment to find out how many of the hotel's occupants were home. He'd learned early on how to control how much he would hear at any given time. He'd been desperate to tune out the extra noise made by all the humans in residence. Now he only heard distant sounds if he wanted to. Silence. He could hear no one in the building. A slight frown marred his handsome face. There should have been _someone_ there.

Leaving his room, he made his way down to the kitchen and heated himself a large mug of blood. He took his drink and began wandering through the building, mildly curious about why he was suddenly all by himself in the huge old structure. He'd just crossed the lobby when the doors were torn apart and a massive demon thundered in. It yelled something in a language Spike didn't know. Which surprised him because there weren't many demonic languages he didn't have at least a passing knowledge of. Sighting the blond vampire, the demon attacked. Spike dropped his mug. It shattered and spilled its viscous red contents onto the marble floor. He darted out of the way but was stunned by an arm slamming into his back. With his enhanced speed, Spike had become accustomed to being unharmed during a fight so this blow threw him off balance. Recovering, Spike turned to face his opponent and was astonished when a fist struck him across the face. He flew through the air and crashed against the wall. He fell to the floor, dazed. The demon took advantage of the vampire's disorientation and picked him up, throwing him across the lobby. Spike went into game face and shook off his sudden dizziness. He leaped across the room and went flying once more as the demon swept an arm across his chest.

By now Spike was bleeding heavily from a head wound, several claw marks on his torso and a cut under his eye. The loss of blood combined with the fact he hadn't eaten since the day before, weakened the master vampire. An unaccustomed fear shot through Spike. Suddenly he wanted to live. He wasn't ready to die again just yet. He roared as he launched into another attack. The demon picked him up and held him over its head, sending the bleeding vampire crashing to the floor. Spike looked up just in time to roll away from the massive foot getting ready to crush his skull. The move earned him a kick to the ribs. Spike groaned as he heard several of them crack. He began crawling away in an attempt to regroup and gather his fading strength. He didn't know what the demon was but was quickly coming to the conclusion that he might not survive the battle.

'I'm sorry, Buffy. I love you. I've wasted so much time. Dawn….' His thoughts stuttered to a stop as he saw the demon coming at him for another round of kick the vamp. It only took one more strike to the ribcage to send Spike into welcoming darkness.

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Across town in Wesley's apartment, Cordelia reeled as a vision slammed into her. Giles caught her as she slid sideways into him. Wes knelt in front of her as the others watched anxiously. She gasped in horror as she realized who the blood-soaked person in the image was.

"Willow! Teleport to the hotel, right now. Demon… beating the crap out of Spike. He's all alone. Go!" Cordy panted.

Willow vanished without any questions. She arrived just in time to send a panicked wave of magic towards the demon causing it to explode into a sparkling cloud of dust. She rushed over to kneel next to the unconscious vampire.

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Jake trained his gray gaze on his girlfriend and her sister. "Okay, let's go." He said as he stood up.

Buffy sent him a puzzled glance. "Go where?"

A pitying look crossed the artist's face. "The Hyperion. Spike. Box. Ring any bells?"

"You want to go now?" Dawn asked him.

He nodded, tobacco brown hair falling into his eyes. "No time like the present. The sooner we do it the sooner we have him back."

Fifteen minutes later…

They looked at each other in concern as they approached the broken front doors of the old hotel. Buffy rushed through the opening after motioning Dawn and Jake to stay back. She was brought up short at the sight of Willow kneeling next to a bloodied and unconscious Spike. The lobby was wrecked and the floor was splattered with bright red blood, far too much of it for Buffy's comfort.

With Dawn tucked protectively behind him, Jake inched through the door. They gasped at the sight. They ventured in slowly, hands clasped tightly in fear. Dawn's huge blue eyes fixated on Spike's battered form.

A muffled groan broke the temporary paralysis that had overtaken them. Buffy approached her love cautiously, kneeling on his right opposite of Willow. Spike was face down on the floor, his head turned to the left. He didn't see Buffy next to him.

"Red?" A pained whisper of sound drifted up from the bruised face.

"Yes, Spike. I'm here. Can I turn you over?" Willow leaned down to murmur in his ear.

"Yeah. Slow. Okay? Got some busted ribs." A gasp of pain puffed out as he answered. The witch decided to use her magic to reverse the vampire's position. She chanted an incantation softly and he rose from the floor high enough to roll over in mid-air before he gently floated back down. He noticed the petite blonde kneeling next to him, tears standing in her clear green eyes.

"Buffy." He rasped.

"Stupid vampire." The slayer hissed. "What were you thinking? Do you _want_ to die?" She dashed the tears from her face.

A slight cough punctuated the slight shake of his head. "Not any more, Luv."

Buffy carefully took his hand in hers. "I love you." She whispered.

"Love you too, Pet." His voice was weak in his effort to contain the pain in his chest. "Bloody Hell, that hurts."

"What the hell happened here?" Angel's voice shocked everyone. Buffy was up and flying at him in a flash.

She slugged him in the nose. Sending him skidding into the wall.

"What was _that_ for?" He demanded struggling to get up. "How did Spike get hurt? _What the hell happened_?"

"_Where were you?"_ Buffy shrieked. Spike groaned as the sound assaulted his ears.

"A client called. There wasn't anyone else, I had to go." The dark vampire frowned, looking at the blood-splattered lobby. "Where is everyone?"

"We're here." Xander said as he came through the door with Faith in tow. The others followed. Cordy was being supported by Fred and Gunn; they immediately guided her up the stairs so she could lie down and recover from her vision. Wesley and Susan walked over to check on Spike. Giles surveyed the damage with dismay. Lorne hovered around the destroyed doors.

Wesley took a position next to Willow, crouching to get a better look at the battered vampire. "What kind of demon was it?" He asked gently.

"A big one. Fast, ugly and determined to kick my ass. Showed him." Spike laughed a little then groaned in pain.

"Yes, Will. You certainly did." Susan humored him from her position next to his feet.

Spike smiled at her voice, his eye was swelling closed limiting his vision. "Suzie-Cutie, so glad you could see me like this."

"I'm just glad there's a you to see. I've missed you." A tear slid down her lovely face.

"Missed you too, Pet." Spike's voice was growing fainter. "Tell Picasso…"

"Tell him yourself." Jake told him gently as he approached his fallen friend.

"Thanks. Tell him…thanks." Spike's head lolled to the side as he succumbed to the encroaching darkness.


	43. Sleeper

Sleeper

Disclaimer: Use and abuse em but don't own em.

Summary: Thought it was the end, was mistaken.

Reviews: Yes, please. Love reviews, adore reviewers. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: I lied but I didn't mean to I really thought this would be the last chapter but you know how these people are about the attention, they crave it like I crave Spike moments. So I guess we have this one and at least one more to get through.

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Shock held everyone immobile for long minutes. Wesley glanced at Willow.

"What happened to the demon?" He asked. She indicated the layer of sparkly dust scattered around Spike's unconscious body.

"I kinda panicked." She admitted. "Blew him to bits."

Susan regarded Spike's bloodied appearance. "Good." She murmured savagely.

Wes smiled at her ferocity. He appreciated her loyalty and love for the vampire. He considered himself highly lucky to have found her and had begun wondering how to persuade her to let him keep her in his life.

She felt his eyes on her and glanced his way. A smile lit her gray eyes as she looked at the handsome British former watcher. He was someone she wanted to keep. He had all the qualities that Will had with the added bonus of a heartbeat. While she didn't have anything against Will being a vampire, she had hopes for children one day and knew it wouldn't have been possible with him. She returned her gaze to the blond on the floor. She could never have competed with Buffy, she knew. The slayer would always have Will's heart and Susan wouldn't have it any other way. She was just happy he was finally coming back to them.

Angel tentatively approached his insentient childe. Casting wary glances at Buffy hoping she wouldn't attack him again. He knelt beside Spike and ran a practiced eye over the injuries.

"He hasn't been feeding. That's why he looks so bad. A couple days rest and some blood, he'll be good as new." The elder vampire stated softly. "Lorne, can you arrange for a delivery of some human?"

The green demon nodded. "I'll go do that. I just need to call the supplier for the club. How much do you need?" He curbed his natural exuberance in deference to his favorite customer's sensitive hearing. He knew that Spike would not be able to filter out excess noise in his unconscious state. The Pylean noticed that everyone was either talking in hushed tones or moving about as silently as possible. The thought crossed his mind that the blond vampire was mistaken about this group's reason for wanting him around. He'd known it but seeing it now drove home how much these people loved the resurrected member of their family. He smiled to himself as he moved toward the broken front doors. Everything was going to be all right now. Glancing back one more time, the Pylean frowned suddenly. Angel had shifted over slightly clearing Lorne's view of the stricken vampire. Worry darkened Lorne's red eyes as he struggled to process the disruption in Spike's aura that hadn't been there earlier in the evening. Realizing that Angel hadn't answered the question, Lorne decided it would be wise to obtain as much human blood as possible and left to make the arrangement.

Jake handed Dawn the box he'd been carrying under his arm and guided his tearful girlfriend over to the sofa. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he moved back over toward Spike.

"How can I help?" The artist asked softly.

Wesley glanced at him over a shoulder. "We need to get him upstairs but I don't want to jar him while we move him." He caught a glimpse of Gunn and Fred coming down the stairs.

"Charles, could you go get the stretcher? I believe you know where it is." The former Watchers requested. "Fred, if you could collect the first aid supplies?"

Gunn nodded and left for the basement returning in minutes with a folded stretcher. The slender brunette detoured into the kitchen to gather the needed items. Snapping it open, he placed it on the floor next to the prone blond. Wesley grasped Susan by the elbow and guided her to sit next to Dawn. She gazed up at him for a moment.

"Shouldn't he be waking up?" She asked shakily.

Wesley closed his eyes, thinking. "Yes. He should be. I don't know why he's still out. It may have something to do with the demon and whether or not there was poison in the claws. We don't know what kind of demon it was so there's no way of telling yet what's going on. We'll get him upstairs and get some blood into him. Then we'll wait."

His crystal blue eyes met her worried gray ones. "It's all we can do for now." She nodded wordlessly. Wes turned back to supervise the moving of the injured vampire.

Willow chanted softly and Spike's damaged body rose gently. While he floated a few inches over the floor, Angel and Buffy grasped the ends of the stretcher with Angel at the head and the slayer taking the feet and brought it over to meet Spike's form rather than have him drop back down onto the floor. Realizing he wasn't needed to help with his friend, Jake moved back over to take a seat between Dawn and Susan. He put an arm around each female and pulled them over to his shoulders, soothing them with soft words and gentle hugs. The three of them watched as Spike was carried carefully up the stairs and into the room he'd used the first couple of nights they'd been there.

In Spike's room, Willow once again performed the levitation spell allowing Angel and Buffy to remove the stretcher before letting him drift down with infinite gentleness onto the mattress. There was some debate over who should remove Spike's torn, bloody clothes. Angel won by telling the girls that although Spike would have doubtless enjoyed being stripped while conscious, he would be embarrassed if he knew anyone had seen him while unaware.

Fred brought the first aid kit in. "Can I help?" She asked.

Angel shook his head, all his attention on his bleeding Childe. "No, I've got it. Thanks." She nodded and the girls withdrew taking the stretcher with them. Mentally hoping Lorne hurried with the blood, Angel turned his attention to the black jeans that were part of his Childe's trademark look. Ever so carefully, he eased the buttons open and slid them down the blond's too slender hips. He assured himself there was no damage other than extensive bruising to the legs then pulled the sheet up to accord the blond a modicum of modesty. Taking the very sharp scissors kept in the box for that very reason, Angel began carefully cutting Spike's shirt from his limp form. He hadn't seen any blood on his back so he decided to leave the back portion of the t-shirt underneath Spike, settling for cutting away the front and sides so he could address the bruised and broken torso. He carefully pushed on the broken ribs to ensure they would heal in the proper placement, frowning when the normally excruciating activity elicited absolutely no response.

The dark vampire fetched a bowl of warm water and poured some antiseptic into it. It was usually an unnecessary measure but since he didn't know what kind of demon it had been, he didn't want to take any chances of infection. Using the softest cloth he could find, Angel cleaned and dressed the distressingly deep claw marks disfiguring Spike's muscled abdomen.

That finished, he moved to wash the blood from the younger vampire's swollen face. The fact that Spike's natural vampiric healing hadn't kicked in was frightening to the elder vampire. The handsome face was marred by a bleeding cut under his left eye and severe bruising over the entire face. He looked as if he'd been used as a punching bag. Angel gently washed the blood from the lean features and carefully removed every trace of red from the blond curls.

He sat back and surveyed the damaged vampire. Spike was not breathing and unmoving; those two facts scared Angel more than anything. After a few minutes contemplation, Angel morphed into gameface and used a fang to slice open his wrist before reverting back to human visage. He held the bleeding cut to Spike's closed mouth and let a drop fall on the full lower lip. There was no reaction. Angel reached over with his other hand and pulled on Spike's chin, opening his mouth fractionally. He held the closing slice over the barely parted lips and allowed a dribble of blood to fall in. Sire's blood was the second most powerful nourishment an injured vampire could have. In Angel's experience, he'd never seen his Childe so hurt that a small amount of the potent substance failed to make a difference. Until now. There was still no reaction.

Nearly an hour after they had taken Spike upstairs, Angel concluded he'd done as much as he could to make Spike as comfortable as possible. He left the door open and went downstairs to see if Lorne had come back. Although after the failed attempt to feed Spike his Sire's blood, Angel wasn't certain the human blood would be helpful.

The group had been busy while he'd been gone. Giles, Faith, Gunn and Fred had made tremendous progress cleaning the lobby. They had gotten most of the blood from the walls and were working on the floor. Xander had found a tape measure and was measuring the doorway in preparation of replacing the destroyed doors. Jake was cuddling Dawn and murmuring comforting phrases in her ear. Wesley had moved with Susan to a secluded part of the lobby and he was doing his best to convince her that Spike's vampire healing would make him as good as new in just a few days. Willow was talking to Buffy, trying to convince the heartbroken slayer that Spike would be fine.

Lorne eased his way in through the broken doors carrying a large cooler. Xander and Faith dropped what they were doing to take the heavy container and carry it to the kitchen.

"Wes." Angel's tone caught Wesley's attention and he jumped up to follow his friend into the kitchen. One look at the dark vampire's face was enough to chase Faith and Xander back to the lobby, leaving Angel and Wes to put the bags away.

"Angel?" Wesley's concerned voice broke through the elder vampire's absorption with precisely placing the vital bags of blood just so in the refrigerator.

Angel dropped into a chair and buried his face in his hands. "It's bad, Wes. I tried to feed him some of my blood and he didn't react. Nothing." Wesley had to strain to hear his voice. A cold shaft of fear shot down the former watcher's spine when he realized what Angel said.

"We need to find out what kind of demon it was." The Brit stated.

"If Cordy and Willow can describe it, I can draw it." Angel felt the need for motion and went back to putting away the blood.

Wes nodded. "Maybe slayer blood will make a difference."

The tall brunette shook his head. "I don't know, Wes. It's the only thing stronger than mine. It might work."

Buffy and Willow came into the room. "I want to see him." The slayer stated.

Angel nodded and led the way. Outside the door, he turned to her. "He's not breathing, moving or healing. He didn't respond to my blood. Wes and I were thinking maybe slayer blood would help…" He trailed off just short of asking her to attempt to feed the injured vampire.

"What ever it takes. I want my Spike back." She held out her hand. "Do you have a knife?"

He took a pocketknife out of his jeans and handed it to her. "Are you sure?" He asked.

She glared at him without speaking. "Right. Stupid question." He mumbled. She pushed the door open and took a place next to the bed. Angel could tell a tiny amount of healing had taken place in his absence. The cut under the eye had stopped bleeding and the swelling had started to go down but nowhere near the amount that should have healed with the intake of Sire's blood. Angel felt he should have tried to feed him more.

Buffy flipped a sharp blade out of the knife and poured some antiseptic on it. She made a quick slice across her wrist and held her bleeding arm against the slack mouth, allowing the powerful blood to drip into it. They waited breathlessly for a reaction. There was no movement in the slim throat to indicate he was swallowing. The blood pooled in Spike's mouth until it began to dribble out of the side and dripped down his cheek. With a sharp gasp, Buffy pulled her arm back and grabbed a towel with her free hand to catch the blood trailing down the too pale face. Gently, she closed his mouth in hopes of allowing the remaining liquid to drain slowly down his throat. Angel squeezed excess water out of the cloth he'd used to clean Spike's injuries to dab at Buffy's cut, pressed the edges of the skin closed and fastened a fresh bandage over it.

Tears welled up in the slayer's green eyes. "Please, Spike come back to me. I won't lose you again. I love you so much." She pleaded with the unconscious figure. She scanned his battered face for any sign but he remained as still as a statue. There was no movement, no indication that he heard her.

"Come on, Buffy. Let's let him rest." Angel knew he was sounding a bit uncaring but he needed to get her away from Spike before she completely broke down. He grasped her arm and pulled her up from the chair, leading her unyieldingly toward the door.

As soon as they were out in the hall, she glared up at Angel. "Fix him." She demanded.

"I'll do what I can. The rest is up to him. We have to find out what kind of demon that was. I think the claws were poisonous." He told her gently.

Spike had heard Buffy's plea. He'd woken up as soon as the first drops of blood had hit his lip but as hard as he tried he couldn't open his eyes. He'd tried to move to touch his slayer but couldn't make his arms work. He heard his Sire and Buffy leave the room. His mind shouted for them to wait but no sound left his throat. There was no outward sign of his awareness. He slid back into unconsciousness before panic could set in.


	44. Trapped

Trapped

Disclaimer: I don't own em; I just put em through hell.

Summary: Spike's not any better but he hears more than he bargained for.

Reviews: Yes, please. Crave em like I crave good Spike stories. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: Kudos to WayWard Childe for his help in keeping all these people in character. You rock, Partner!

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The next day.

Giles volunteered to attempt getting some blood into Spike. He had an idea he hoped would work and heated a mug of the blood Lorne had procured. He knew it was human but had progressed in his personal principles to the point that it didn't matter to him how they did it as long as they brought Spike back. He trusted the kind Pylean to do the best for Angel and the rest of their eclectic family. All too soon, he found himself outside Spike's room with the mug of nourishment in his hand. Angel was downstairs with Willow and Cordelia attempting to capture the demon's likeness on paper so they could trace what it was and how to counteract the obvious poisoning Spike had gotten.

With a sigh, the Watcher pushed the door open. He hadn't seen the injured vampire since they'd found his bloodied body on the floor of the lobby and was gratified to see that Buffy's blood had facilitated some healing of the battered face. It wasn't as bruised as he remembered it being. Giles sat in the chair by the bed and gently pulled on Spike's chin to open his mouth.

"Well, it's better than what I used to feed you. We're back to using straws though. It's a pity the 'Kiss The Librarian' cup didn't survive the collapse of Sunnydale. It would have made a nice memento for you. Maybe I can find another one in one of the many novelty shops I've seen littering this abhorrent city." While he talked softly to the comatose vampire, Giles used the straw to slowly feed him the warmed blood by placing his finger over the open end of the straw and placing the filled tube over the open lips then letting the nourishing red fluid drain into his mouth. He waited a few minutes between each straw-full before attempting another one. It was a slow process but Giles was thankful to see that none of the precious liquid leaked out of the motionless mouth. It would have been faster if Spike had been able to swallow, Rupert realized, but he was determined, for his daughter's sake, that he would do whatever it took to ensure the vampire survived this latest crisis. If this was the only way to get blood into the vampire then so be it. He would sit there as long as it took.

"Angel is attempting to create a likeness of the demon that attacked you. As soon as we know what it was, we can affect an antidote to the poison that was obviously on its claws. If you knew I was here you would undoubtedly be amazed at the lengths I'm willing to go to bring you back to Buffy. She loves you. Dawn loves you. They both need you so badly. I sincerely regret my actions last year and can only hope that when you awaken from this state you will find it in you to forgive me." Having finally gotten that painful confession off his conscience, Rupert was able to move on to less emotional topics. He continued with the feeding while telling his former enemy some of the more humorous tales of recreating the Watchers Council. Midway through the mug, he set it aside and stood to stretch his cramping muscles. He had been at it for well over an hour and the painstaking procedure was tiring but he refused to let it deter him. Rupert would have been stunned to know that the body he was talking to was not as unaware as he believed.

Spike listened to the watcher talk. He'd woken as soon as the first straw full of blood had trickled down his throat. His starving body absorbed the nourishment greedily as he listened to the surprising monologue of the man who'd tried to kill him the last time they'd spent any time together. All panic he'd felt over his condition had been somewhat allayed by the news that he'd been poisoned by the demon's claws. He'd never seen one like it before so he would be useless in the search for its identity. He just hoped they found the answer quickly. He didn't know how long he would hold onto his sanity trapped inside his own body as he was. He felt the older man move away and a flicker of fear crossed his mind before he realized that Giles was merely taking a break. The stream of conversation continued and Spike's mind settled down to listen. The trickle of blood resumed and Giles's voice faded as Spike felt himself drift into a mental snooze.

Downstairs.

Angel and Jake were both bent over sketchpads listening intently to Cordelia and Willow describe the demon that had so thoroughly thrashed Spike. They had agreed to each attempt to capture the likeness in order to double the chances of identifying it. Lorne came in to check to see if more of the vital human blood was required. He was distressed to hear that Spike was in a non-responsive coma. Krista followed close behind the Pylean and was equally upset over Spike's condition.

Xander and Faith were working together to repair the destroyed front doors. Gunn, Fred and Wesley were continuing the clean up. They were scrubbing furiously at the dried blood on the marble flooring. Buffy had kept a silent vigil at Spike's bedside all night and had lain down to try for some much needed sleep.

Giles came down with the empty mug and sat next to Dawn wearily. The teenager slipped an arm through his and snuggled up to him.

"How is he?" She asked quietly.

"There's been some healing but he's still comatose." Rupert told her. "I did manage to get the entire mug into him. It should help but he needs more."

Dawn took the mug from his hand and stood up. "I'll do it."

Giles rose to follow her into the kitchen. "I'll show you how I was doing it." He demonstrated the way he'd fed the unconscious vampire. She nodded and took the refilled mug upstairs.

Outside the door, Dawn stopped with a momentary attack of nerves. Bowing her head she reminded herself how lucky they all were to have him back in their lives. "Whatever it takes." She whispered and entered the room.

She could see the improvement in Spike's appearance. The bruising was fading and the cut under his eye was almost completely gone.

"Hey, Spike." Dawn sat down in the chair and ran loving eyes over his motionless profile. "Giles says you have to eat more so it's my turn to keep you company." She began a stream of mindless one-sided conversation. She told him everything that had happened since the collapse of Sunnydale, putting a humorous spin on the tale and downplaying the sorrow, fear and loneliness she'd felt in his absence. While she talked, she fed him the blood slowly as the watcher had demonstrated. After almost an hour, she faltered in her monologue.

"Spike, I know I was pretty bitchy to you those last few months. I want you to know I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I would never have set you on fire. I love you. I've always loved you. You're the big brother I never had and I've missed you so much. But you left without a word and I was hurt. Then Xander told me what happened and I just kinda freaked. I know the truth now and it's okay. I understand. Buffy was so guilt ridden the first few months. She's changed. It's almost like I have a brand new sister. She cares again and she loves you. God, Spike, losing you almost destroyed her. Please come back, we can't lose you again." She forced her shaking hands to place the mug on the bedside table. Dissolving into tears, she lowered her head down to the edge of the bed. She clasped his lifeless hand between both of hers, brought it up to her face and lay there letting her tears soak into the bedding.

'It's okay, Niblet. I love you too. Tell them to hurry up and find the bloody demon and everything will be good. I'm not going anywhere.' Spike tried to move but gave up in defeat. He felt an unaccustomed feeling of helplessness as he listened to the teenager weep. 'Don't cry, Bit. I'm here. **_I'm here_**.'

When Jake came up to check on his girlfriend, he was unsurprised by the evidence of her crying jag. He came up behind her and rubbed her shoulders consolingly.

"He'll be fine. As long as he's not dust there's a chance. The sketches are done and Mr. Giles and Wesley are searching the books for the demon. Cordelia and Fred are running it through the computer. We'll find it. I promise." He murmured in her ear. "I have a feeling he won't be this quiet for long. Think maybe we should enjoy it while we can?" He teased.

Inwardly the sight of his friend so still and statue-like was frightening. Even before Will had gotten his memory, he'd never been completely still. Bobbing his foot while reading. Tapping his fingers to tunes heard only in his own head. Jake had gotten used to the slender body in front of him being in some sort of motion all the time. The artist glanced over and noticed that the mug was empty again. A small leap of relief surged through Jake's heart. At least Will was feeding. As long as that happened they could get him back. He picked up the thermal container they'd been using to prevent the blood from cooling off too much during the long, laborious process of feeding him.

Dawn tipped her head back and smiled at her boyfriend. Even though the circumstances of Spike's return had been confusing, painful and elating, the teenager would always be grateful she'd found Jake in the process.

"I've never known him to be quiet for long so I guess we should enjoy the peace while it lasts." She took the mug. "I should go fill this up. It's going in so slowly it can't be that filling for him." She left to get the refill.

Spike mentally snickered. 'Thanks Mate. Make her laugh. That's the only way to keep her spirits up. Now if we could do something about mine… Now that it's just us blokes. Don't mind telling you…getting kinda scared in here.' He let his attention shift back to his friend.

Jake sat down in the chair vacated by Dawn. "Since there's no one here to call me poofy." He muttered, picking up Spike's cool, limp hand. "If you could see this, I'd be in for so much grief from you. 'Poofy'. Now there's a word I would never have used until after I met you. And what is it you think you needed to thank me for? Hmmm? The painting I sent you? That was an attempt to kick you in the ass. Besides, can you blame me for wanting to paint Dawn? She's gorgeous. If nothing else, having you in my life led me to her and for that I'll be forever grateful. Do you know how lonely the mountain is now? These last few weeks have been so quiet it's been driving me…what was your expression? Oh yeah, bug shagging crazy. I've missed you, pal. I find myself coming back to see Dawn so that I can get away from all that silence. Oh, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but Manchester U. has lost their last two games. Don't know if you knew that." He launched into a recital of what had been happening over the past few weeks.

Spike quickly understood that as long as someone was talking to him he could keep the panic at bay. As soon as silence descended, the feeling that he would be trapped like this forever returned and he skated on the edges of madness when that happened. He listened to Jake ramble and tried to relax. One thought surfaced when he realized that Jake was still holding his hand.

'Poof.' But he wasn't sure if he was describing himself for desperately craving the contact or his friend for needing it just as much. He tried to curl his fingers around the strong slender hand clasping his and mentally groaned in despair when his body remained stubbornly still.

Xander and Faith took a break from their repair work to grab a bite to eat in the kitchen. They looked up from their lunch when Dawn entered the room. Xander stood up to hug the obviously upset teenager.

"Dawnie, are you all right." The former carpenter asked in concern.

She sniffled. "I'm fine. I was with Spike. He's just so still, so quiet." She told them. She moved over to the refrigerator and got out another bag of blood to heat for Spike.

"Hey, why don't you take a break, Faith and I will go up and take care of the bleached one. It's got to be hard on you seeing him like that." While Xander hadn't been up to see Spike, he'd heard about the vampire's condition from Giles. "Why don't you go check on the Buffster?" He suggested.

Dawn nodded and showed her friends the painstaking method of feeding her vampire. Xander told her it would not be a problem and inclined his head toward his girlfriend. He stopped at that thought, his girlfriend. A silly smile lit his face as the dark haired slayer followed him up the stairs. They entered the room as Jake was finishing a story. The artist looked up curiously.

"Dawnie's feeling a little ragged. We told her we'd take care of this feeding." Xander explained, considerately ignoring the hand Jake had clasped around Spike's.

"I'll go down and see if she needs me for anything. You guys gonna be okay here?" Jake dropped Spike's hand and stood up. "I'll be back later, buddy." He told Spike.

Spike's mood took a downward swing. 'Don't leave.' He silently pleaded. The plea went unheard.

Xander sat in the vacated chair. Faith perched on the edge of the bed at the end. She sat for a moment looking at Spike. His bruised torso was still bare so the claw marks could be monitored. The gouges in Spike's abdomen looked raw and angry and didn't seem to be healing at all. His face was almost back normal. She could see what Buffy saw in him, he was very nice to look at. Her taste ran more toward dark haired men though. She glanced at Xander, surprised yet again that she found him so much more attractive now than she had before.

Just when Spike was beginning to believe they would let him spiral down into the madness that seemed to be constantly beckoning, Faith began to talk to him.

"Hey, Blondie. Guess this is what you'd call tag-team vamp sitting. They say that if you talk to people who are in comas they remember what you say. Don't know if that holds true for vamps though. I just know that when I was in a coma there wasn't anyone talking to me. I'm pretty sure it got kinda lonely, not that I remember much of it. Don't know you that well though so I'm not sure what it is I'm supposed to say. I do know that you better get over this or patrol will never be the same. Did you know you're getting a rep in the demon world? I was in Caritas the other night after patrol and overheard some demons talking about the super-vamp that's out killing other demons. They don't know what you are but they don't want to meet up with you." Faith rambled on a bit while Xander fed the motionless vampire.

"Well, I'm all talked out so I'm gonna leave you alone with my man here. Don't do anything I'd get mad over okay?" With that teasing shot, Faith went back downstairs. Xander watched her leave with a besotted look on his face.

"Spike, I have to tell you. You coming back certainly brought some interesting couples about. I mean, I never in a million years thought Faith would find me attractive. Wesley is seeing your friend Susan. She's really nice. Jake and Dawn have been going out, which surprised the hell out of me since he's so much older than she is but she pulled the 'your boyfriend is a hundred years older' card and Buffy really didn't have a defense. Don't know if Willow is seeing anyone but she and Giles have been hanging out together a lot. Now there's a thought to give someone a case of the wiggins." Xander continued trickling blood into Spike's mouth while he chatted.

Spike found himself drifting on the edges of consciousness while Xander talked. Regardless of his actions during the confusing time after his memories returned, the Whelp would never be his first choice in companion but right now he'd take whomever he could get just to keep the silence away.

He thought he must have slept for a bit because the next voice he heard was that of his Sire. Angel had apparently replaced Xander on what Spike was now terming 'vamp watch'. At this point, Spike was desperately wishing the old lore about the 'Sire/Childe' bond were true just so he would have someone who knew he was awake and aware.

"Spike, I wish you could hear me." Angel was saying.

'I can, you old Poof.' Spike's sense of humor was wearing very thin.

"I want to tell you I'm sorry. Sorry I left you alone. I didn't know there would be an attack."

'What? You can predict these things now? Get over yourself.' Spike thought derisively.

"I'm sorry about the amulet, about how I treated you all those years." Angel was confessing all his sins, imagined and real.

Spike snorted mentally. 'Next you'll be sobbing and prostrating yourself begging an empty shell for forgiveness.' To his horror he heard a hiccupping sob erupt from the elder vampire. 'I was _kidding_, git. _Bloody buggering hell_!' The thought crossed his mind that silence was better than this.

Angel sniffled and tried to compose himself. He felt an increasing sense of futility the longer Spike remained in this state. He tried dredging up the old hatred he'd felt for this Childe but his never-ending guilt squashed all attempts at distancing himself from the situation. He had the feeling that they needed to identify the demon soon or Spike would be trapped forever. He dragged his hands over his face and took a deep unneeded breath. Spike didn't need this; he needed support so he did something he swore he never would. He began talking about the old days. Reminiscing about the time they'd spent together.

'That's better. Talk about the old days. _Anything_ but the silence. _God_, Sire, get me out of this. I'm losing it and fast. Don't know how much longer I can do this. I need to touch someone. I need to talk. _Please_ tell them to **_hurry_**!' Spike could feel his mental state deteriorating. Hopelessness was invading his very consciousness and he felt powerless in its grasp.

Hours later, Lorne knocked on the door, interrupting Angel's one-sided conversation. The dark vampire had been slowly feeding Spike, as had all his other visitors. The constant influx of blood going a long way toward healing everything except the claw marks. Those remained red and irritated. It was now twenty-four hours since the attack and desperation had been driving the crew for the past twelve of it.

"They need you downstairs, Angelcakes. They have a line on the demon. I'll sit with blond and beautiful here." The gentle green demon rubbed Angel's shoulders for a moment.

"Thanks, Lorne." Angel took the empty mug with him and left his friend alone with his childe.

"Well, you certainly know how to concentrate attention on your luscious self don't you, Cupcake?" Lorne busied himself getting comfortable before actually taking a look at the inert figure in front of him.

'Hey, Green. Glad to hear you. Was getting kinda tired of listening to the old Poof. What's been happening? They know what kind of wanker that was did me in, do they?' Spike's internal greeting was weary.

Lorne turned his attention to the motionless vampire in the bed. His red eyes teared when he got a good look at Spike's aura. "Oh my God. I didn't know. I wish I'd come earlier." He moved to sit on the bed, careful not to jostle the still injured torso. He picked Spike's hand up and squeezed it gently. He put his other hand to the side of Spike's expressionless face. "I'm here now."


	45. Loved

Loved

Disclaimer: Don't own em, just wanna make em feel loved.

Summary: What can I say? It's the last chapter.

Reviews: Yes, please. You all have been amazing over the entire life of this fic. Thank you very much for all those awesome reviews. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: Many, many thanks to Wayward Childe for his continued encouragement and help.

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Spike felt a surge of hope. Could Lorne read his thoughts? He knew the Pylean was an empath. But he was certain that the whole thought reading thing was not in the talents.

Lorne talked softly to the motionless vampire. "I see your aura, Precious. I know you're aware of what's going on. I'm sorry I didn't come see you sooner. I could have told them."

'Don't call me 'Precious' that's what Hell Bitch called me. I'll take any pet name you wanna give me, just not _that_.' Spike thought acidly.

Lorne chuckled. "I bet you've heard all kinds of interesting things today. Well, I do have one more tidbit I'm sure you're very interested in. They've identified the demon that tagged you. It'll only be a little while before they have the antidote. We'll have you up and annoying the Broody One in no time."

'Okay, no thought reading.' Spike told himself. 'But he _knows_. He knows I'm in here. Wish there was someone who used mental telepathy. Wait. _Red_. That battle with Glory. She sent her thoughts to me and could hear me. She used it that whole horrid summer. Come on, Barkeep, go get Red. _Please_.'

The Pylean gave Spike's pale face a last little pat. He moved carefully off the bed. "I don't want to leave you alone." He began.

'_Then don't_.' Spike thought. It didn't matter that just minutes before; he was begging Lorne to go get Willow. He felt Lorne drawing away. '_Noooo_!'

"I'm just going to see what's keeping your cure. Won't be but a second." Lorne promised. He noticed the change in Spike's aura reflecting the vampire's increased panic. "Don't panic, Sweetness. I won't be but a step out of the door."

Lorne left Spike alone; he had an idea and was in a hurry to get downstairs. Everyone was gathered in the lobby; Wesley was in the center of the group reading intently from an ancient text. The Pylean gently took Willow's arm and pulled her aside.

"I need you upstairs right away. Sleeping Beauty needs your unique talents." He drew her swiftly up the stairs before anyone noticed they were leaving.

The redheaded witch cautiously entered Spike's room. She didn't have a clue why she was there but she liked Spike and wanted to be able to help him. The second she got closer to the comatose vampire, she realized that comatose was not the correct term. Spike was very awake and very aware and at this moment very panicky. She took the space next to him, knowing he desperately needed contact.

'Spike?' Willow tentatively projected, picking up his hand.

'Red? _Oh my God! Red!_ I've been going _insane_ here. I can't do this any more. Tell me you guys can fix this. _Please tell me it won't be much longer_.' Spike told her frantically.

'Shhhh. It's okay, Wes is translating the text now. We know what the demon was and in just a few more minutes we'll know what the antidote is. Are you okay otherwise? Do you hurt?' Willow stroked the slender hand soothingly. Lorne slipped out to go get some more blood for the stricken vampire.

'No, don't hurt much. Pretty much numb. Can feel you holding my hand but that's about it. Never felt anything like this before and I never want to again.' Spike told her. 'Sense of humor took a hike about three hours ago. If I'd had to listen to the Great Broody Git any longer I would have had to break this spell or whatever the hell it is just so I could stake myself. _Who_ let that sodding wanker in here in the first place?'

Willow snickered. 'Sorry, but everyone else was busy researching for your cure. And he insisted. We didn't want you to be alone for long. We felt we should keep feeding you. Are you hungry? I think Lorne went down for more blood. It's human, you know.'

'Yeah, I got that. Freaking good it is too. Yeah, I'm a bit hungry, Niblet was right. It's too slow to fill me up. I can't tell you how _hard_ it's been today, listening to everyone who decided to stop in and unburden on the poor defenseless vamp. You wouldn't _believe_ what people will say when they don't think anyone is listening.' Spike was babbling but seemed powerless to stop.

Willow laughed out loud. 'I can imagine. Poor Spike. It won't be long.' She told him. She began telling him why they couldn't identify the demon from the body and everything they'd done over the last twenty-four hours. He listened with pleasure, inserting completely Spike-like comments and making her laugh. When Lorne came back he was struck with the incongruity of the girl sitting there laughing at the silent vampire. He sat in the chair and began feeding Spike the much-needed nourishment.

Downstairs.

Wesley looked up from the book he'd been translating. "The antidote is here. Fred, could you write down the antidote as I read it, please." He waited until the slender brunette returned with paper and pencil.

"Okay, it says here that the 'Sleeper Demon', that's not it's real name but that is a loose translation, paralyzes its victims so they are aware of their surroundings but unable to move or speak. Oh, dear. Poor Spike." Wes looked at his companions not noticing the uncomfortable shifting being done by several members of the group. He went back to the book.

"It isn't from this dimension and must be summoned, usually by someone who wishes to use it as an assassin. It especially likes to prey on vampires. It leaves the infected vampire in the sun and watches as it incinerates. Barbaric." Wes shuddered, blithely ignoring that a few years ago he would have enjoyed that act.

"Right, Fred, this is what we need. The blood of the Sire, Angel that would be you. Mixed with the blood of the slayer, Buffy I guess you're needed as well. And…oh dear. This doesn't make any sense. I don't understand." He paused.

"What is it, Wes?" Buffy demanded.

Wesley reread the passage. "There is no mistake but I'm afraid the cure is impossible because I don't know where or how to obtain something called 'Tears of the Key'."

The Fang Gang groaned in disappointment. Fred buried her face in Gunn's shoulder as sorrow overtook her. Cordelia slipped her arm through Angel's thinking the thunderstruck look on his face was grief. Susan looked at Wes with tears standing in her large gray eyes. He curled his arm around her shoulders and hugged her comfortingly. He studied the text sadly, frustrated to have gotten so close to the answer

Jake and the Scoobies had a drastically different reaction to the news. They laughed. Dawn got up and began squealing in glee as Jake swept her up into his arms and swung her around. Buffy burst into happy tears at the relief she felt. Giles cleaned his glasses and pretended that he had a speck of dust caught in the corner of his eye. He pinched the bridge of his nose as his relieved chuckles erupted. Xander and Faith merely beamed at each other.

Angel's crew gaped at the seemingly hysterical Scoobies. Finally Gunn couldn't stand it.

"_Man_! That is too cold. English tells you he can't save your buddy and all you can do is _laugh_?" He demanded heatedly.

Xander realized that Dawn was shedding happy tears. "Faith. Honey, go get a paper cup. We can't waste those."

The dark-haired slayer nodded and used slayer speed to dart into kitchen for the cup. She handed it to Jake who held it flush against the teenager's cheek, catching the stream of salty fluid that was essential to bringing Spike back.

Wes, Susan, Fred, Cordy and Gunn watched in total confusion as the artist encouraged his girlfriend to cry as he caught the liquid in the cup.

"Does it say how much we need?" Jake asked.

Obediently, Wes looked back down at the book. "No, there isn't any quantity specified. What are you_ doing_?"

Giles replaced his glasses with a smile. "He's catching the 'Tears of the Key'.

"I don't get it." Cordy spoke up.

Quickly, the Scoobies told their LA counterparts the story of monks, magic, energy and a teenage girl who was the key to another dimension.

"Oh, my." Wes murmured. "Why weren't we told of this?"

"After the fight with Glory, it didn't seem necessary. The Hellgod was destroyed and Dawn's usefulness as a key was past." Giles explained.

Faith ran back into the kitchen and brought out a sharp knife. "So, B. Who's gonna do the honors?"

Buffy took the knife from the other slayer's hand. "My vampire, my blood." She stated.

Faith grinned at her. "Can't say as I blame you there."

Fred got out the first aid kit so the knife could be sterilized with the alcohol they kept for that reason.

"Wesley, are there any instructions or do we just put it all in one container and feed it to him?" Xander thought to ask.

Wes consulted the book once more. "Hmmm, well. It seems that all we do is combine the three components into a container and feed them to the victim."

Buffy nodded as she took the sterilized knife from Fred and made a small slice on her wrist, dribbling a stream of her blood into the cup. Angel took the knife from her and added his blood to the mixture. Faith handed Buffy a clean straw from the kitchen and the petite blonde went upstairs to rescue her vampire. The entire group followed close behind, chattering amongst themselves happily.

Spike heard the approaching crowd. 'Red, what's going on?'

Willow turned to the door as Buffy, followed closely by Dawn, Jake and Susan walked into the room. 'Guess they found the cure. Are you ready?'

'Do vamps drink blood? _Bloody Hell!_ I'm so far past ready it's not funny.' Spike told her, happiness suffusing each thought.

Everyone crowded into the room. Wesley came up behind Susan and slid his arms around her waist. He rested his chin on her shoulder so he could see. Jake took up a similar position behind Dawn as both couples stood at the foot of the bed. Willow got up and moved aside so Buffy could take her place on the bed. Angel stood behind Buffy, anxiously watching her as she stirred the mixture with the end of the straw. She looked up at Giles who was standing not far from the bed. Willow was next to the elder Watcher. Krista, who'd been quiet and withdrawn for much of the day, hovered near the door. Cordy stood between Angel and the bed. Xander and Faith found spots not far from Giles. Lorne had taken a position next to the dresser, leaning against it in relief. The room was getting rather crowded at that point.

"There's not enough to pull up into the straw." Buffy said. She carefully held the cup to his open mouth and slowly let the precious fluid drip in. After the first few drops, Spike was able to swallow. He pursed his lips to suck in every tiny drop. For the first time since the attack, he inhaled. He caught a sharp unneeded breath as the pain from his gouges flared through his torso. As the last of the antidote filtered through his body, the effects became apparent. Blue lightening sparked across the angry claw marks on his abdomen. As the group watched in awe, the gouges sealed over and disappeared. A gasp of relief burst out of Spike as the pain went away. He opened his eyes. His beautiful slayer was the first thing he saw. A smile lit his face and shone out of his sapphire eyes.

"Hello, Cutie." His voice was raspy and low. Buffy thought it sounded like he'd smoked too many cigarettes.

Everyone started talking at once. They all bombarded Spike with how happy they were he was back. Spike closed his eyes but opened them immediately. He'd spent way too much time with them closed.

"Okay, everyone calm down." Spike tried to make himself heard but his voice was hoarse from disuse. He put two fingers in his mouth and released an earsplitting whistle. Instant silence fell over the group.

"Right. Okay, I need for all of you to get out." Shocked exclamations erupted again as they all gave him reasons why they should be allowed to stay, Spike resorted to the whistle again. Silence resumed.

"Not that _I_ have an objection. But I think Buffy might have a problem with the lot of you checking out goods that rightfully belong to _her_." He made to lift the sheet and get up causing a mass exodus out of the room as everyone remembered he was bare under the sheet.

"Can I talk someone into bringing me some clean clothes?" He found himself talking to an empty room. "_Hey_!"

Angel stuck his head back in. "I'll get your clothes." He offered and disappeared again.

Spike threw off the sheet and unconcernedly walked into the bathroom nude. He turned on the shower and found himself leaning on the wall for support as muscles that had been paralyzed for more than a day decided they objected to the exertion. He decided it would be a good idea to finish the mug Lorne had brought up and made his way back into the bedroom to locate it. He drained it and felt much better. Steam began to seep out of the bathroom and he gave in to the urge for a hot shower.

Feeling much better, he found the clean clothes Angel had promised had been delivered. He dressed and made his way downstairs. He took the empty mug hoping for a refill. The hotel lobby was empty. He was impressed to see that the damage caused by his fight had been completely erased. Following the sound of happy chatter, he went into the kitchen. Buffy stood just inside the kitchen door and he crept up behind her and slid his arms around her waist, nuzzling her neck. He held the empty cup out and waggled it in an effort to get someone to fill it. With a giggle, Dawn stepped over and took the cup.

"Hey, Spike. I see you're feeling better." Faith greeted him from her chair at the table.

"Much. Thank you." Spike winked at her from behind Buffy. The petite blonde turned in his arms and kissed him.

"Yum." Spike murmured. He released her and accepted his drink from Dawn. Gunn walked over and held out his hand.

"Good to see you up and about." He said as Spike shook his hand.

Spike grinned. "Feels good."

Fred came up and hugged the stunned vampire. "Welcome back."

"Thanks." Spike told her, bemused.

"We're going to leave. See you tomorrow." Gunn told the group. He steered his girlfriend out to a chorus of 'goodbyes'.

Krista gave Spike a hug. She pulled his face down so she could look into his eyes. She nodded in satisfaction. "Welcome back." She murmured.

Spike grinned. "Thanks, Sprite. Sorry I've been a bugger of a patient."

"Don't let it happen again. I'm leaving too." The pixie stated. "I've got real patients to check on." She made the rounds of the room collecting goodbye hugs before leaving.

After Lorne said his goodbyes and departed, Spike looked around the room in confusion. "Was it something I said?"

The remaining people in the room laughed. Buffy turned around and snuggled into her vampire's embrace. "No one got much sleep last night. We were trying to fix you." She told him softly.

Spike looked at each one in turn. Xander, Giles, Willow, Faith, Cordelia, Wesley, Susan, Dawn, Jake, Buffy and Angel had all supported him not just over the last twenty-four hours but during the painfully lonely last few weeks. He glanced down at the floor, abashed at his recent behavior. "I'm sorry for the way I've acted recently." He apologized.

Xander grinned. "I think I speak for all of us when I say you've been a pain in the ass." Laughter erupted as Spike winced at the description. "I also want to go on record as saying that you had good reason but we want to request that explanations be allowed before you go off into another self-destruct mode."

Spike grinned sheepishly. "Okay. Next time I hear something I don't like I'll beat an explanation out of you." More chuckles sounded at the look on Xander's face.

"Now wait a second…oh right, you're kidding." He realized. Faith smacked her boyfriend lightly on the back of the head. He rubbed it ruefully and groaned in pain. Faith felt guilty, swung her legs over his lap and settled down to kiss it better.

"And speaking of hearing things I don't like…" Spike let go of his slayer and stalked over to Angel. He landed a solid punch to the elder vampire's nose.

"_Ow_! What was _that_ for?" Angel demanded as Cordy handed him a kitchen towel to stem the bleeding.

"For being a Poof." Spike told him cryptically. He walked over and grasped Jake by the arm and swung him into a bear hug. He thumped the artist affectionately on the back a couple of times. He put his mouth up to Jake's ear and whispered. "Poof."

Jake grinned as he returned the hug briefly. After letting go of his friend, Spike walked over to stand in front of Giles. The elder Watcher held Spike's gaze steadily. Silence fell over the room as everyone remembered the events of the previous year. Slowly a smile lit Spike's eyes. He held out his hand to Giles and after a moment of stunned surprise, Rupert shook Spike's hand.

"It's okay, in your place I probably would have done the same thing." Spike said quietly.

"If I had it to do over, I wouldn't." Giles told him seriously. Spike nodded and released the handshake.

Spike looked around the kitchen. "Are there any snacks? Feeling kinda peckish."

Dawn and Willow began searching the refrigerator and cupboards in search of some of the things they knew Spike liked, quickly building an impressive array of munchies for the entire group. They snacked and chatted happily for several hours until the need for sleep began to take its toll on them all.

Spike pulled Buffy into his lap and nuzzled her neck. "Was gonna go for a run but I could be persuaded to stay in." His cool breath tickled her ear as he spoke.

Cordy slid her slender arms around Angel's neck from behind. Her white teeth nibbled his ear, making him shiver. "I'm tired." Her tone indicated quite the opposite.

He suddenly realized it had been a long time since… He broke off the thought and kissed her fingers. He kept hold of her hand as he stood up and turned to face her. "Yeah, me too." He said huskily. The temperature in the room seemed to shoot up at the promise in his dark eyes.

Faith stood up and dragged Xander from his chair. "Let's go, Lover. Time for bed." She announced brazenly. The former carpenter followed her in a daze, belatedly waving good night just before they disappeared through the door.

Dawn and Jake watched the couple as they departed. Noticing that Buffy appeared none too ready to leave Spike's arms, the teenager looked up at her boyfriend. "Where's Spike's box?" She asked.

Spike's head popped up from his renewed nuzzling of Buffy's neck. "Box? I have box?" He looked at Dawn in confusion. Jake left and returned quickly with the box Buffy had saved. He handed it to his friend with a smile.

Spike recognized the rectangular package. "Oh my God. I thought it was gone. I left it in your basement. Think I knew I wasn't leaving the Hellmouth. I can't believe you kept it." He touched the cardboard with trembling fingers. He pulled the flaps open and rummaged around the contents for a few seconds, giving a small grunt of satisfaction when he found what he was looking for. He removed a small box from the interior and closed the box back up. He held it up, flipping the lid open with his thumb. The slayer gasped when she saw the antique ring inside.

"Buffy, I wanted to give this to you so many times but I never quite found the right moment." Spike's voice shook as she lifted the beautiful heirloom out of the box. He set the box on the table and took the ring. He looked into her eyes. At her nod, he slid it onto her finger. He crushed her to him in happiness before kissing her senseless.

Susan watched the couple enviously. Wesley glanced at her, then took a closer look. He cleared his throat nervously. "May I escort you home?" He asked rather formally.

A brilliant smile lit her lovely face. She nodded wordlessly. She walked over the Spike. He stood up at her approach. "Will."

He smiled and held out his arms. "Susie-Cutie." He said affectionately. He pulled her into a hug. "Don't let the watcher go, he's a good one." He whispered.

She kissed him and pulled back slightly. "Don't plan on it." She smiled.

"Good. Go get 'im tiger." He teased.

She moved back over to take Wesley's arm. "What did he mean?" Wes asked.

"I'll explain it later." She told him with a sparkle in her eyes.

"Oh, well. Lead on then." He smiled. They left amid a round of distracted goodbyes.

Angel and Cordy walked over to Spike and Buffy. Cordy began oohing over the lovely ring while Angel held his hand out to his Childe.

"I can't believe you kept that." Angel told him as they shook hands.

"It belonged to my mum. Wasn't ever going to let it go. Thought I'd lost it." Spike beamed as Buffy and Cordy made appropriate girly noises over the size of the diamond. Dawn and Willow joined them to get a closer look.

Giles joined them and watched the girls in amusement for a moment. Jake thumped his friend on the arm.

"Damn it, Will!" The artist complained.

"What did _I_ do?" Spike wailed.

"You gave her a ring. How are we gonna compete with that?" Angel answered him dourly.

"Not my problem, Poof." Spike smirked while Giles laughed.

The elder Watcher glanced at Spike. "Do I need to give you the required 'father-in-law to be' speech?"

"No, Rupert, I think we covered all that already. I hurt the slayer and the Ripper comes out to make me fit in an ashtray." Spike's sapphire eyes were drawn to Buffy as she held up her hand to make the stone catch the light.

Giles felt a lump come to his throat when he saw the full extent of the love shining in the dark blue depths. He cleared his throat in what he hoped was a threatening sound. "Yes, I believe that just about covers it."

Finis


End file.
